Disloyal parents......

[Funkmeister]

Ive been separated from idiot for over a year now, divorce is underway and all is amicable (ish!). Myself and the children are in rented accommodation while he's still in the marital home (which is up for sale). The children are settled and know the routine of time with me and time with him. Yesterday my mum asked whether i would have any objection to them going round his house and seeing the kids there while theyre with him???!!! I was gobsmacked and said er, well I cant tell you what to do can I (on reflection, a lame response but there you go :-) and said I wasnt like one of my friends that absolutely forbade her parents from having anything to do with her ex, my mum cussed her and said what a silly girl behaving like that.....!! I suppose i feel a bit betrayed and hurt really, she knows what a complete disrespectful twat he was during our relationship and yet she still wants to associate with him.....also, she knows something a bit heavier about him as well which i thought would mean she'd never speak to him again but no......just really p*ssed off today thinking about it }:-{

YANBU

Its extremely odd your Mum wants to conduct her visits to her grandkids with your ex rather than with you....

Its not the same as an ex-IL's maintaining a relationship with the RP in order to see grandkids because she can see them with their Mum, her daughter.

Strange. Just strange.

"funkmeister, perhaps your mum is trying to help YOU here. By going round there when the kids are there, maybe she is trying to keep an eye on what he is upto in a roundabout way."

I thought that also.

But if she is going to see her GC at his instead of at yours, then I would find that odd.

For me funk I think it is more about what it is they know that he's done. If it would give them concern for children's safety then she may be a wise woman indeed, if it is something else he's done to hurt you, then UANBU. It depends what it was and how bad it was before anyone could really judge you for your feelings IMO.

Obviously I am not asking you to share here.

Just wanted to say you should definitely talk to your mum about how you feel, she might surprise you.
I fell out with a childhood friend once who I felt had been horrible to me. She would still call round to my mums house occasionally. I was really upset about this. When I spoke to my mum I was worried that she would dismiss me. She was actually really supportive. She didn't mind that it might not be reasonable as she said my feelings where paramount to her.

Btw she didn't blank the girl as my mum would never do that she just gently discouraged the visits.

I know it's not the same situation but I had a few sleepless nights before I plucked up the courage to talk to my mum about it.

Hopefully you can come to a compromise with her over it all

YABU. Your Mum didn't just go there without asking you. She probably wants to show the children it doesn't matter who they are with. She will still visit and support them. She probably didn't even think she was being disloyal to you.