to make DH go to the GP to discuss...

[HooHa]

Married for 5 years, 2 DCs.

Been to relate. Both had individual counselling.

DH has no sex drive - never has. If I initiate he will reciprocate. After the first couple of years of this game, I have stopped initiating because part of the wole sex thing for me is the being wanted part.

Hundreds of rows later, no change after counselling, I have told him that he needs to discuss this with the GP (as counselling hasn't worked) as though I am prepared to put up with this for now, I cannot guarantee that it will not be a deal breaker in the future.

He has been this way in all of his previous relationships which have all ended due to irreconcilable differences over sex.

I love him, he is a brilliant dad and good husband but I want a great husband.

Have I done wrong here? Feeling the guilt.

Good luck patient- I am sure he can change. Don't sex therapists ban sex at first? This may be a good idea- just cuddling with clothes on. Then clothes off but no sexual stuff just stroking, massage etc. Eventually they may let you have sex....
You can do this- takes the pressure out of the situation- without professionals. But you really have to stick to it and have a clear timescale.

I think we probably do need to go back to basics, tbh I don't actually feel like having sex with him at the moment because he has rejected me so much that it's kinda turned me off if that makes sense?

Plus most of the time I feel like he is just doing it for me, which isn't the best feeling.

It's a sad situation to be in, especially since I have no control. He has to want to sort this, but if he doesnt then there is nothing I can do, I either put up with it or we split up, he's made it very clear me having a sexual relationship with someone else is definite no. ( he doesnt know about guy from work)

On the upside girls, celibate women probably have the BEST sex dreams and probably more often than women that have a sex life!

No-one can take that away!

I should consider taking out shares in duracell

I am so comforted reading this thread that I'm not alone! Also am very sorry for the others who are in he same situation. I think there are more couples out there than we could ever imagine where the woman is 'up for it' more than the man. It's just not something people would admit to.

I knew before I married my DH that he wasn't that interested in sex. When we do get down to it, it's been arrange WELL in advance (like weeks) and we know it's going to happen. I used to get really upset by being turned down, so now we plan it well in advance so we both know how the evening is going to end. We also have a few drinks...DH doesn't enjoy intimacy if he's sober. I'd say we probably do it once a month, if not less.

I'm not saying this works completely for me but it's better than nothing. I fantasise about other men loads, and (ahem) enjoy a bit of solo fun now and then. I would never even in a million years think of leaving DH. He is a wonderful husband and father. We've only reached this point after many years of 'settling' though. The early years were very sad and we split up (before we were married) twice because of it.

Anyway, it sounds as though both of you have lots of conversation with your DHs and that's brilliant. Talk about it and find out what works. But, if it ends sadly then so be it. It's not fair for you to be unhappy for the rest of your lives.

I really really hope you find some happiness and can work things out.