to be sad that dp has done nothing for my birthday

[epeems]

Granted it is my 41st. He's got no card, he's not helped dd (age 5) make one or buy one). After he went to work, she made a card with me for me. He's not organised a meal or bought me a present. He did say as he was leaving for work that I should e mail him with ideas for a present. He said himself that this was an exercise to prevent me from moaning that I hadn't got one. I wish he'd at least had a little think about this a few weeks/days ago and got himself organised. He's not been overwhelmed with work or anything. We've been on holiday relaxing where he had loads of opportunity to look for something. It was actually his birthday during the holiday. DD had made him 3 cards in advance. On the morning we all sat in bed, opened his cards and presents and then we took him for a meal in the evening.
Is this typical? I'm quite willing to be told I'm unreasonable, it'll make me feel better about it.

I think birthdays are a great excuse to make a big fuss. I organise a big party for DH for his birthday every year, it's also October and I'm also already starting to plan it.

YANBU in the slightest
Happy Birthday!
Now if I were you I would scoop up DD and go on out together for a really nice lunch, buy yourself some lovely flowers, and then arrange to go to the pictures or for drinks with friends this evening. Nothing to stop you celebrating another year lived, even if your DH (who I am sure really loves you very much and hugely appreciates all you do for his birthdays and is just disorganised and a bit self-absorbed) hasn't got around to it.

"Epithany you sound just like my dh. Just because we are adults we have to turn all boring. It's nice as someone said to have a bit of love from at least your significant other"

I hope I haven't turned too 'boring', that seems a bit of a harsh judgement just because I don't happen to think exactly the same way as you. Actually I was never too bothered about 'getting stuff' even as a child, and hated the struggle to think of things to put on a Christmas list etc, people asking 'what did you get' back at school. I do absolutely love Christmas actually, but not so much the materialistic aspect of it.

I'm very happy to have as much love as possible from my DP! What does that have to do with it?

I can see my view is in the minority here though, so will shut up...

YANBU. I would be really upset, it's not even as if he has forgotten :(

sorry, he sounds horrid: present ideas to stop you moaning?! git.

and for those who think op is making a fuss, it's not about presents, it's about knowing that your partner thinks about you, and wants to make you happy. you know, by making a card with dd, organising a cake, taking you out for a drink or whatever.

YANBU. He should have got you a present and a card.

My partner is usually a bit clueless at what to get me for my birthday. He usually buys me for ideas but this year I told him to just try and sort it himself.

So my birthday was on saturday. He managed to sort cards from himself to me and the children to me. He brought me my favourite bottle of drink from the children (yummy) and on saturday evening he took me out for a meal just us two after arranging for my mum to look after the children.

It was fantastic as we don't get a lot of alone time together!

So, though he normally complains he does not know what to do/buy he did well on his own so he is left to it from now on

emjanedel have some cake too!!! Happy Birthday.

Can sypathise, it's my birthday today too, I did get a card but only because he went to tesco last night after nagging.
I don't know why I'm supprised its always the same!
For 2 months I've been saying would love a few photos of the kids for my birthday. He's had loads of opportunity but no he never bothers till last minute.
To add insult to injury a large box arrived yesterday with a very expensive bike frame in it!
Oh yes he had time to order this! And he spent ages doing silly pictures of his work friends and putting them on facebook! But no time to take any pictures of the kids!!

Sorry for the rant

I can't keep up with all these birthdays!

Large cake and large bottle of wine.

I hope your day improves.

Lol thanks kinky

my OH is already thinking about what we should do for our significant anniversary next year, bless him
I'm sure OP is feeling much better having read that scrambedeggs

spect so all the men/marriage bashing/doom gloom that goes on on here, its nice to remember not all men are useless and thoughtless and spiteful

I've often said on these sorts of threads about me liking a big fuss and getting nice presents from DH.

We are usually on holiday for my birthday so what he sometimes does is buy me a few token presents, this year I got a bottle of vodka, some earings and a new rucksac and then get me a proper present when there is something I really want. Last year I got a lap top in October (my birthday is in May) and he is just about to buy me a new mountain bike.

Sure I could buy the bike myself but as it is costing £2,000+ and he is offering why not? Also it has become an 'in-joke' between us.

I would be happy with the vodka and earings and meal to tell the truth but it has become a bit of a tradition over the last couple of decades this charade!

Happy Birthday.

It's not about the cost of the present or fuss IMO, it really is the thought. Whatever the cost it is about them taking the time to have a little think about you and what you might like and God Forbid spend a little time in some shops or on the internet browsing.

I get hurt by my DP's lack of effort on this front. The worst part is his excuse that "he wouldn't know what I would like & doesn't know my taste". I just think FGS you have lived with me for 13 years, does he go about with his eyes shut and really not know what kind of things I like, our house is full of things I like. He obviously pays no attention to me pointing out stuff that I like in the shops all year round either!

Buying the card the night before in Tesco in some mad dash really gets my goat too. Ditto a mad dash to buy whatever chocolates are on offer the morning of Mothers Day from the dogs, regardless of whether I like them. He may as well not bother.

One of the things I cherish most from DP (one birthday, one year he must have come over all funny or stumbled into a shop on his lunch break) is a really, really tacky little plaque with some soppy poem on. Must have cost all of a quid but I really appreciated the sentiment behind it & hang it in the bathroom so I see it everyday when I have a bath! Despite me making a huge fuss over receiving it we seem to be back to crappy Tesco chocolates!

It's not about the cost of the present or fuss IMO, it really is the thought.
agree

I dont mind if its a box of chocs if its bought beforehand, at least he has taken two mins to think about me

ephiny, I agree to some extent that as adults we should care a little less, but not bothering at all is too harsh! Surely we want our DCs to see that Bdays are not just about receiving but about enjoying giving/doing something for someone we love. Your DH is a terrible role model to your DC OP. I'm sure she will nag him to remember your special day as she gets older.

If you can't make any effort on the anniversary of the day the person you love is born..........

I would do as Merylstrop says and take myself and dc out and celebrate it- don't wait for him to do it or waste your day feeling bad about it.

Make a memory for you and dc and bugger him! Be out enjoying yourself tonight and let him come home to a note.

Sorry if I offend you epithany, but it did sound a bit boring . I am a big kid at heart and do like a little fuss

Oh poor you! Happy, happy birthday!

My DP made very little effort this year too. We were away on holiday about 3 weeks before the day. He said he'd buy me something whilst we were away, but I never really saw anything I like. I sort of felt forced into chosing something as he said, 'well, if you don't chose something you'll get duty free perfume"....not quite the sentiment I had expected especially as I had organised a birthday BBQ a couple of weeks before hand for him. Bought and did all the food, including the cooking on the BBQ, made him a special cake, blew up loads of balloons, was the hostess with the mostess AND cleared it all up the next day so he could go and play cricket.

Hi again. Happy Birthday to Emjanedel and Largeglassofred. Did you know we share our auspicious birthday with Stephen Fry who is no doubt having his birthday roundly celebrated?
Thanks for all your lovely messages. You've made up for how I felt. Poutinatrout and Flamingfanjo, it's very much as you describe here too.
Dp called earlier and said that he did actually want to get me a present and to give him an idea. I said 'a nice toaster.' There's no point asking for anything with sentimental value when the sentiment wasn't really expressed anyway.
Ephiny - he'd probably be much happier with someone who feels the way you do. I wish I did, it would make things easier, definitely for him. But he knows that I like a bit of fuss and you'd think that he'd therefore make the effort.

Id get your glad rags on and fuck off out tonight with friends. He clearly don't give a monkeys.

so did he do anything nice for your 40th?

Buy yourself a stonking great 3,000 pound diamond ring.
Just say you decided to buy your own pressie as he couldn't be bothered.
He'll probably produce something next year!

Just to add to the day, Dp decided at 6 pm we couldn't go out for the meal I booked as his stomach felt iffy! So instead of a nice meal out I've had a bag of chrisps and some chocolate washed down by too much wine!

Just seen this post and wanted to wish you all a wonderful year ahead. Am really sorry if today has not been as lovely as it should have been.