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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm on the fence with this one so would value some opinions

54 replies

MrsBradleyCooper · 23/08/2011 19:09

DH has employed our nephew (his sister's ds, who is 15 in 3 weeks) for 2 weeks to do some labouring outside.

It has consisted of drilling holes in a brick wall, then using a hammer and chisel to remove the bricks, and get the mortar off them. So no actual heavy work like digging/lifting etc.

Anyway, DH wanted him to start at 9, have a half hour tea break about 10.30, an hour lunch break, and another half hour tea break in the afternoon and he was to finish at 5.

Day 1, his alarm didn't go off so he didn't start until 10.30, but came in at 11 for a 45 minute tea break. Went back out for 45 minutes, then came in for his lunch for an hour. An hour after he'd gone back in, he came to ask if I had any paracetamol as he had a sore back. He took it and then sat at the kitchen on his ipod for half an hour. Then to be fair, he did go out and do quite a bit in the afternoon.

Other days his alarm went off, but he sits eating his breakfast until 9.30, and then goes out. Similar story to the first day, keeps coming in and having really long breaks. Today he had a 1hr 45m lunch break.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he's not started at 9 once, has had a sore back, a sore wrist, a sore arm, hammered himself in the hand, a piece of decking fell over onto him and he said that he was nearly killed , doesn't have enough energy to work, and the best one today - he couldn't get going because the weather is so dull outside and it's put him off .

Anyway, before anyone jumps on me, I know he's only 14, and is not used to "working", but he is being paid, and he was asked if he would like to do it to earn some cash. He wasn't in any way coerced into doing it by either his parents or DH.

I suppose what I'm wondering is, do you think all these complaints are genuine, or do you think he is being a bit lazy?

OP posts:

scrappydappydoo · 23/08/2011 19:31

Well I know you're paying him and I'm all for teaching a good work ethic but I think your expectations are too high. I think he's doing bloody well for a 14 yr old.
Def pay by the hour - no work, no pay - his decision rather than yours..

FellatioNelson · 23/08/2011 19:31

Welcome to the world of teenagers. I have two of them who are ALWAYS desperate fro money apparently, and yet I still have to pay someone else to push a lawnmower up and down for two hours a week.

ChippingIn · 23/08/2011 19:31

My godson worked for us when he was this age - he'd skive sometimes (as they all did no matter what age they were!!) but he was generally very hard working, keen & on time. Though, we were smart enough to pay him by the hour not by the job He was a lot better than most of the slightly older ones we employed.

thisisyesterday · 23/08/2011 19:33

I think at 14 that's a pretty long day, esp doing hard work you're not used to.

however, if the working day, including breaks etc, was set out to him at the start then he shouldn't be taking the piss by taking extra long breaks

BUT, I do think that maybe he just need your dh to tell him.
right, lunch time is over let's get on with it. kids can be either waiting for you to tell them to do something, or hoping you won't... either way results in the same thing!

def agree with paying him by the hour though. it makes much more sense and i think he'll do more work

LineRunner · 23/08/2011 19:36

It's not much fun working on your own with no supervisor.

SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 23/08/2011 19:48

7 hours a day of manual labour for a 14-year-old? That's 35 hours a week which is well over what is allowed for a child that age. I think it is too much to expect him to work those sorts of hours at that sort of work.

I do also think it is expecting rather a lot of a 14 year old to be self-motivated all on his own for that length of time - unless he is the sort of child who can motivate himself anyway. I have had three 14 year old sons (still have one) and believe me - trying to get them to do more than half an hour of anything approaching work takes a cattleprod an adult constantly nagging supervising!

Claw3 · 23/08/2011 20:09

Thats 14 year olds for you, i think.

My ds who turned 15 this month, 'helped' me to put a large wooden swing together the other week. His 'help' consisted of him eating constantly, sitting on the trampoline, kicking a football about and oh actually helping a bit. But i wasnt paying him.

Agree with what others have said pay him by the hour, its amazing what money can do to help improve sore arms and legs, they recover very quickly!

Naoko · 23/08/2011 20:18

So you want a 35 hour working week involving manual labour out of a 14 year old, during which he works on his own with no direct supervision or company to chat to? Even if we gloss over the fact that it's illegal, I'd still say your expectations are completely unreasonable.

Original poster

MrsBradleyCooper · 23/08/2011 20:20

He is only working for two weeks and the times were agreed by both him and his parents. His dad is a police sergeant, so I'm sure if he had any queries about the legalities he would have said so and not allowed him to do it. I think everyone sees it more as nephew helping uncle out with a garden project for a bit of pocket money.

However, I have just spoken to DH re the hours he is working, and have suggested that he might get more out of him if he starts later in the day.

I don't think DH would have realised that the hours are excessive, so at least he knows now and he can set different ones.

Perhaps knowing that he has a certain amount to get done in less time will give him a kick up the bum to work harder .

OP posts:

Claw3 · 23/08/2011 20:26

Wouldnt it be a 30 hour week, if he starts at 9, finishes at 5 and has 2 half an hour breaks and an hour for lunch?

Working hours for 14 years old from Direct.gov

There are rules that regulate what times of the day you can work and for how long. These are different depending on your age.

14 year olds
There are a lot of rules that control working hours of children, but the basic ones are:
?during term time, you can only work for two hours on weekdays and Sundays
?during term time, you can only work for five hours on Saturdays
?during a school holiday, you can work for up to five hours on a week day or a Saturday
?during a school holiday, you can't work for more than two hours on a Sunday
?you cannot work before 7.00 am or after 7.00 pm on any day

What is illegal about it?

Claw3 · 23/08/2011 20:33

I mean a 25 hour week!

Original poster

MrsBradleyCooper · 23/08/2011 20:37

Well Claw3, according to my workings, DH has asked him to work 6 hours a day, which would technically be illegal, however, he has not started until at least 9.30am on any day, and has had way more than another half hour of extra break time, as well as playing on his ipod and reading White Dwarf outside while he is meant to be working .

However, DH has said to him to start later from now on.

OP posts:

greenbananas · 23/08/2011 20:42

Good for you! and your DH, and your nephew for taking this on!

Maybe, as he is still very young, you should agree to reduce his 'contractual' hours (this much manual labour might be a bit too much of short, sharp shock for a soft-living 14 year old). However, I do feel you should make it perfectly clear to him in advance that this will mean a reduction in his projected income, and that he will be expected to work a 'full' week when he is older.

Praise him very highly for all the work he has actually completed, and pay him a reasonable (near-adult) wage for the hours he has done. Then let him learn from the experience

Portofino · 23/08/2011 20:44

This is the trouble with youth today!

Claw3 · 23/08/2011 20:46

Mrsbradley, as you have probably noticed my math is all over the place today 2 weeks work isnt going to kill him, 5 hours, 6 hours at almost 15.

Sounds like a sensible idea.

Guitargirl · 23/08/2011 20:47

You must have been bonkers to expect a 14-yr old to put those kind of hours in on his school holiday. Put him and you out of his/your misery and pay someone professional to do it.

Original poster

MrsBradleyCooper · 23/08/2011 20:47

Sorry I should have pointed out by the way that this work is being done in our back garden - not on a building site somewhere.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsBradleyCooper · 23/08/2011 20:50

Guitargirl - he and his parents agreed to the hours before he started working. He was really keen to earn some money and was really excited about it.

OP posts:

greenbananas · 23/08/2011 20:50

Ah well, as it's in your back garden, he might possibly see it as a 'favour' for which you are kind enough to pay him?

FlyMeToTheMooncup · 23/08/2011 21:05

I find it a bit depressing that this laziness is inevitable from a teenager - not unheard of, sure (not unheard of at any age!) but I don't think OP should just shrug and say "ah well that's teenagers" - why not expect better? Teens have started their own enterprises by that age, they can be capable of hard work.

I would either decide an amount for the entire job and pay it on completion, or keep an exact log of his working hours and pay accordingly.

He cannot possibly expect to get away with this in working life, so this will only be a valuable experience for him if you tighten the rules a bit. It doesn't mean you have to become the evil boss, especially as it's hard graft you do need to make sure he doesn't get hurt, but don't let him take the piss as he is doing now.

Portofino · 23/08/2011 21:30

The other weekend I was in my neighbour's house and she was talking about her 16 yo and all the things she "needs". We're talking laptops/iPod kind of thing - not just a new pair of jeans etc. I said, well we could really do with a local babysitter, we're only 2 doors up, 5 euros per hour, do you think she might be interested?" So when we were all in the same place (mother there too), I suggested it. She looked TERRFIED at the suggestion. My dd is 7 so not like she would need to cope with a crying baby or anything. Mother said, "oh she's not used to these things". I was a bit and thinking how my 16 yo self would have ripped my arm off to earn money watching the tv/internet.

Guitargirl · 23/08/2011 21:38

Portofino - ah, see, I would have had the same reaction as your neighbour's DD at her age re babysitting. All my friends were doing it and thought of babysitting as easy money but I thought it was too scary, too much responsibility. But I was happy to work to earn my pocket money at 16 in a shoe shop and as a cleaner - much less frightening than dealing with other people's children!

nosexpleaseimpregnant · 23/08/2011 21:54

OP - despite the obvious legal issue you and DH are doing something lovely in the fact that you have given him responsibility, treated him as an adult, clearly not chastised him for his occassional lack of enthusiasm and best of all (IMO) given him the opportunity of having money he has EARNED himself. I remember working in a restaurant at 14 and every week I was soooooo proud of the little brown envelope that was given to me because I had earned it (admittedly I was faced with disappointment also when my total twat of a mother took all but £5 off me for 'keep'. She somehow thought that that was acceptable even though it meant taking £70 when I was only 14 and she still received CB for me. But that's a different story ).

Be proud of yourselves that you are helping to shape him into someone with a work ethic, even if he does slack off

heleninahandcart · 23/08/2011 21:57

just . Still laughing at the weather comment.

TheFrogs · 23/08/2011 22:01

ok, reduce his hours to what is legal and expect him to work those hours and not piss about. You'll do him no favours being soft. He's nearly 15, he isnt a baby. "Real" employers wouldn't tolerate it.

At 14 I had a Saturday job and my boss would have sacked me on the spot for being late. Same with my next job at 15 (actually she was a cow, we only got 15 mins for lunch ). At 16 I worked in a shop and once got a HUGE, HUGE bollocking for being one minute late.

I never twatted about or took the piss though in any job I had despite being so young...I wouldn't have dared!

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