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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disappointed that my Leaving the Country dinner out has been changed to Dinner IN.

38 replies

QuintessentialShadow · 23/08/2011 14:40

I know I know I know. I am most likely BU.

We are a group of 4 girlfriends. 3 of us have families, and we enjoy good food and some wine. The 4th has a career within The Church, hardly ever cooks, she does not drink, and she is very critical of children and our parenting of our children, and our life choices. The 4 of us together is therefore often strained. Unless we go out for a meal, and three of us have some wine and manage to make light of / ignore her comments.

One of them arranged a dinner out for the four of us, as I am once again leaving the country. The 4th have just come back from holiday and decided to cook dinner at her house instead. It is of course lovely of her to offer.

But I was really looking forward to a nice meal out. It has been two years since we last time went out for a meal together. And the last time she invited us over for a meal, she served stale bread, left over Christmas ham that had gone sour, and a couple of green lettuce leaves.

And none of us feel comfortable bringing a bottle of wine to a teetotaller. (which is maybe why she offered to host it at hers)

Her job means that she is hardly ever home, has nothing in her cupboards, and eats out all the time.

I know, it does not sound like a very great friendship at all..... Sad
And I am an ungrateful cow. I know.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/08/2011 14:42

If the other 3 of you would rather go out, then be honest with her and say you would rather go out to a restaurant for a meal, and it is 3 against 1 so she is outvoted.

Cleverything · 23/08/2011 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadow · 23/08/2011 14:46

Well, the one response to her email about this, is VERY enthusiastic, but I suspect not very honest, which makes it difficult, as it would at most seemingly be 50 50 vote.... oh well.

It might be nice.

I wish there were pombears in Norway to bring.

OP posts:
JanMorrow · 23/08/2011 14:47

Yeah, just say "oh I don't want you to go the bother, let's go out! Let's go to as I'm a bit skint! (she may have suggested it for money reasons?), really looking forward to it!". Don't even give her the option to have it at hers.

wordsonapage · 23/08/2011 14:49

Make it a bring a dish dinner?

BUt yep i'dbe pissed off as well

LolaRennt · 23/08/2011 14:49

I woudl send back an email as the "person leaving the country" saying, that's so sweet but as it's my last time here, I really want to go out one last time and enjoy the city etc

squeakytoy · 23/08/2011 14:50

One of them arranged a dinner out for the four of us, as I am once again leaving the country.

See, the key phrase is in there ^^.

The one that has arranged this is the one who gets the final say, in my view.

She has invited you all to go out, and it is rude of someone else to try and change the location.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadow · 23/08/2011 14:52

ah, the one who arranged it is the one who said "Super idea!"...

I will have to be sooooo tactful.... groan.

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 23/08/2011 14:53

Christ why did you invite her at all?!
I'd take a dish each and a bottle each and insist on opening it
If she takes offence just leave & head to the nearest restaurant, after all you dont need to keep in touch if you're leaving the country!

ShoutyHamster · 23/08/2011 14:55

Make a suggestion of a particular restaurant and say that fantastic as the eating in idea is, you REALLY want the opportunity to go to this particualr place, as it will be your last chance for a while. You would like to use the opportunity of you all getting together to do that.

How can they refuse you? Grin

whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 14:56

errr why exactly are you friends with someone who criticises your life choices and who it sounds like you have nothing in common with?

Can you say you had already booked somewhere and are really looking forward to it as won't be able to go there again for a while as leaving the country etc etc

SiamoFottuti · 23/08/2011 14:56

tell her its already booked and you are going out. Why do you care what she wants anyway, she sounds like a total nightmare.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadow · 23/08/2011 15:10

I would actually fancy a seafood restaurant, but this is what they say on their website "We also serve reindeer caught swimming on the road on the way to its summer grazing site."

......

OP posts:
belgo · 23/08/2011 15:15

Book the sea food restaurant (sounds great) for the three of you.

And go to her house, make sure you bring along wine and nibbles. THere is no reason why you shouldn't drink even if she is teetotal.

Rowena8482 · 23/08/2011 15:34

Have we got time to organise an emergency shipment of Pom Bears to you? maybe some tinned macaroni cheese and soup... we may as well do the job right after all Grin

Original poster
QuintessentialShadow · 23/08/2011 15:36

Ok, this is what I am thinking of emailing:

"oh, wow, a nice evening home at X is as tempting as a final evening out, with good food and wine and great company, I'd like to say "yes please both". But I understand if you, X, who eat out so much would be keen to make a nice evening at home, and this is very kind of you. Could we maybe try and do both? Who is also up for an evening out the following saturday? We could just grab some Tapas in Y rather than a restaurant"

(translated, so this is basically the meaning)

Does it sort of sound ok?

OP posts:
Takitezee · 23/08/2011 15:39

Just say it's very kind of her to offer but you were really looking forward to a night out.

Hopefully she'll say she can't make it!

Original poster
QuintessentialShadow · 23/08/2011 15:40

I think I need to call the other two friends....

OP posts:
belgo · 23/08/2011 15:43

I think your email should be a lot simpler, without all of the (false) gushing.

upahill · 23/08/2011 15:48

Can't you fit in both before you leave the country.
Not in the same week obviously but is there enough time to have a meal at hers and then a few days before you go have a final blow out in a fab restaurant (with or without the friend)

Sparkletastic · 23/08/2011 15:49

Yes email confusing - be more direct and say what you want. Deffo contact the other 2 to get their support for going out. And ditch boring friend - life's too short to spend it with people that you don't really like.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadow · 23/08/2011 15:53

I just spoke to one of them. She was also keen on an evening out, and did not reply to email because she wanted to see what I said. Her dh is also a fisherman and out at sea the next few weeks, and she was not so keen to pay for a babysitter just to go to somebody elses house, she would then rather cook at her own house and save the expense. And she is a pretty fantastic cook. argh.

OP posts:
whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 16:02

sorted then, just say, "that is v kind but X's DH is away so can we have it at her house instead so she doesn't have the stress of sorting a babysitter, and if anyone is up for it why don't we also try and have a night out together"

belgo · 23/08/2011 16:03

'whoneedssleepanyway' has got it right.

And say in the email that you are looking forward to going to that reindeer restaurant.

northerngirl41 · 23/08/2011 16:09

Hmmm... To me I think friends 1, 2 or 3 needs to call up 4th and say "4th, I know last time we came over it was a bit overwhelming, so I'll bring starter, and 3 will bring dessert" and 2 can bring nibbles/chocolate etc. But as a teetotaller I do think it's pretty rude to bring booze... Maybe some nice fruit juices instead?

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