to be disappointed that my Leaving the Country dinner out has been changed to Dinner IN.

[QuintessentialShadow]

I know I know I know. I am most likely BU.

We are a group of 4 girlfriends. 3 of us have families, and we enjoy good food and some wine. The 4th has a career within The Church, hardly ever cooks, she does not drink, and she is very critical of children and our parenting of our children, and our life choices. The 4 of us together is therefore often strained. Unless we go out for a meal, and three of us have some wine and manage to make light of / ignore her comments.

One of them arranged a dinner out for the four of us, as I am once again leaving the country. The 4th have just come back from holiday and decided to cook dinner at her house instead. It is of course lovely of her to offer.

But I was really looking forward to a nice meal out. It has been two years since we last time went out for a meal together. And the last time she invited us over for a meal, she served stale bread, left over Christmas ham that had gone sour, and a couple of green lettuce leaves.

And none of us feel comfortable bringing a bottle of wine to a teetotaller. (which is maybe why she offered to host it at hers)

Her job means that she is hardly ever home, has nothing in her cupboards, and eats out all the time.

I know, it does not sound like a very great friendship at all.....
And I am an ungrateful cow. I know.

Go to the teetotal dinner (if you want to stay friends with this woman and tbh I am not sure why you do). And then arrange for the other three of you to go out for a good girly piss up without worrying about being criticised by the 4th (who in my head is a bit like the turnip loving churchy types who turn up at Blackadder's house in the middle of a debauched party....).

northerngirl14 why is it rude to bring booze? Is it a religious reason for you being a teetoller or do you just not drink? I am genuinely curious, everyone I know who doesn't drink doesn't care if others do as they don't drink because they don't, not for any moral reason.

I think their friend is being rude if she knows they like a drink and then offers to have it at her house where they aren't allowed.

actually scratch that I used to have a friend who was muslim and I would obviously have never brought booze to her house, but my other friends if anything just find drunks annoying (as anyone who is sober would do) but not a real issue

I would simply reply:

"Hi X

Thanks very much for the offer of dinner at your house, it is very kind of you.

However, as it is my last chance to see you all, and the city, before I leave for London, I would really like to make the most of the evening and go somewhere special for dinner. I was thinking particularly of ___ restaurant. I have no idea when I am likely to be back, and so would love to take this opportunity to eat there.

What time shall I book a table?"

And I would send it to all of you, so that you can all agree on a time.

Don't let her take charge of your evening out!

You could also say that you would like a glass of wine but (as per northerngirl's post) you don't want to be rude by bringing alcohol to 4th friend's house, so out it is...

Wow she doesn't sound much fun does she!

She can be quite fun.

She has invited ALL her friends (quite many actually) to a special 40th birthday celebration August in a year from now, where we will work together refurbishing her cottage. Some will be on cooking duty, some will do carpentry, some will do painting, some will do story telling and childminding, and our friend, The Architect (whose dh is a fisherman) will project manage. It was booked in 3 years ago....

Quintessential - that is either the cleverest thing I have ever heard, or the most gobsmacking. Both, probably.

Is everyone ok with slaving away for her? Does she help other people?

I would go to the friend who´s a better cook & is "stuck for childcare"

Easier all round imo.

Gosh-what a lot of suckers friends she knows!

LolaRennt I just think that if someone has made a decision about what they eat/drink it's quite rude to go to their house and overrule it - bit like bringing a meat dish to a veggie's house, I just wouldn't do it. One night without booze is not going to kill anyone. And who knows, you might discover a whole new world of sobriety???

I'd not have the same compulsion if say we went out to a restaurant and friend was not drinking or was veggie. (Would obviously make sure there was something on the menu they could eat/drink). There's just something about bringing the forbidden item into their home... Probably me being odd.

She has invited ALL her friends (quite many actually) to a special 40th birthday celebration August in a year from now, where we will work together refurbishing her cottage. Some will be on cooking duty, some will do carpentry, some will do painting, some will do story telling and childminding, and our friend, The Architect (whose dh is a fisherman) will project manage. It was booked in 3 years ago....

She is a genius. A sick, twisted genius, but a genius nonetheless.

She is a genius, and very social!

Everything has worked itself out.

I made a very graceful reply thanking her for her kindness, and that I was looking forward to meeting up with everybody. My other friend then suggested maybe we could go out for a drink after dinner, if everybody was up for that.

And inviting friend said that was a good idea, and if we wanted to have some wine with dinner, maybe we could bring some as she did not have the first clue as to chosing wines. It will be great.

Glad all is sorted, have a fun night out/in