To think that many parents would have a much easier time if they realised that they don't...

[seeker]

.....actually their children?

I think that it is a lot easier to see your children as 'separate' from you when they are teenagers. It is a very interesting point when your child suddenly argues a point with you, takes a completely different viewpoint, and makes you think 'actually, they have a point'.

It is probably easy to see children as an extension of you when they are small and biddable.

The great surprise (to me anyway) is how different from you your children may be. I rather naively thought that my dd would end up being a carbon copy of me, emotionally. She couldn't be more different - a completely different character, with different opinions. It is why having a teen is wonderful - you see a person grow into adulthood, and their opinions form, with all the heartfelt feelings of adolescence, without the patina of adult cynicism and --bitterness- experience.

I hope I have given dd wings and not stymied her - for instance she has a loving relationship with my mother, whilst I can't stand her. I don't see my dd as my possession. But I think it is easy for me to see that she isn't - she is 15. I imagine I would have felt differently when she was 5.

I've queried you on this before now, Seeker, but I do actually agree. We don't own our children, we're their custodians until they're old enough to look after themselves.

I've never ever seen babies as anything more than young people, never cooed at them or wanted to baby them. I look at them in wonderment, other people's too, the human condition is amazing really. :)

Mitmoo, surely most physical illness is nothing to do with parents influence, but we like to think we are striving to have healthy children too. You are being way over-sensitive to that remark.

Mitmoo I agree with siamo that you are being oversensitive and rude - I think the poster in question was not talking about mental health in the context you understand it, rather than raising children to be emotionally labile as far as parenting can extend.

karmabeliever if you don't mind me asking what brought that decision on for ds at only 6 years old?

I don't find it at strange that some DCs have set views at 6yrs old. It doesn't mean they are set in stone.
I would agree with karmabeliever, as the parent you do have the final say until they are old enough to choose. Saying 'no', if necessary, is very important. You are the parent-you are not the best friend. Your job is to guide. You do however have to listen. If your 8yr old wants their hair cut short there is no reason to insist it is long because you like it long.

It is a pattern-if your own parents undermine you and don't respect your wishes then they have never 'let go' and accepted that you have your own views ,that are very different to theirs, all the more reason to break the pattern and not see your own DC as your property.

I get amazed on here with parents who think that they can go into an adult, married DC's home and rearrange drawers, read post etc! If you give your 9yr old privacy in their own room, never open DCs post etc then you naturally wouldn't be doing it.

exotic all the vegetarians I know (including myself) all turned between 11 and 16 for whatever reason those seem to be the magical numbers. I am very impressed with karmas dc for making such a grown up decision so young as well as following a "strict" ingredient list and for so long. It isn't easy!

Don't get me wrong-I am very impressed, especially that he has stuck to it. I just know that DCs have fascinating minds and are deep thinkers-they all have views of their own if you take the time to listen to them.

I just wanted to be a pirate exotic.. never stuck with i though

I wanted to be a singer-a bit tricky as I am tone deaf!

dunno..that hasn't stopped half of the Xfactor wannabees.Maybe you sold yourself short!

Southern, we buy free range eggs, organic milk and buy cleaning products and make up that isn't tested on animals, so maybe that is having an influence too. I don't know, because my 14 year old would not willingly give up meat and my 10 year old shows no sign of wanting too either.