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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is a not very nice for NFI'ing my MIL to christmas day

31 replies

herhonesty · 22/08/2011 21:52

context - families are a big thing for us - quite a large family, we've been spending them together at my sisters house in france over the last few years. not all 3 siblings there. christmas day is important, its very child focussed, not loads of presents, but just losts of fun.

my MIL who is a bit of PITA but completely harmless spends it alternatively with us or my SIL. my DH would rather pull his teeth out with a spanner than spend christmas. but we do spend it with her every other year or so.

this year we are all in england.one of my sisters emails me to invite us to family christmas - which would be 12 people in all if everyone went. anyway, so i asked if we could bring MIL, as its our turn to spend it with her, and she'd probably like it more than having to spend it with evil DIL (me). MY DD is currently only child so it would be nice for her to spend time with her cousins on this special day, she adores her cousins and vice versa.

her response was no. fair enough, i think, but then read on and she basically says "we wont have enough space because i am inviting x and y (who lost father/husband last year). again fair enought i think ... but then she says. "and if they dont come i'm going to invite a, b and c family" who are basically normally family friends with no special circumstances... I mean really, one extra person - is that really asking too much, or am i being really unreasonable and pushing the boundaries?

fyi, my sisters DH has no parents

sorry probably a rant

OP posts:
worraliberty · 22/08/2011 21:55

She's not your Sister's MIL though is she?

Add to that the fact you said she's a pain in the arse and I don't really blame her.

YABU

missapphire · 22/08/2011 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fivegomadindorset · 22/08/2011 21:56

YABU

summertimeblews · 22/08/2011 21:57

yes she is being a cow

ive had my sisters MIL to christmas dinner before, i would never forgive myself for allowing someone to be alone at christmas

more the merrier in our house

Bestb411pm · 22/08/2011 21:58

If you have MIL it's not like you can just leave her so it's resolved itself hasn't it?

NoMoreWasabi · 22/08/2011 21:58

Not sure why you think your sis has any responsibility towards your MIL. YABU

2rebecca · 22/08/2011 21:59

Your MIL isn't a member of her family or one of her friends though and even her son hates spending xmas with her. You seem to be putting your MIL's happiness above that of your family. You either spend xmas with your family or with your MIL by the sounds of things.

Bestb411pm · 22/08/2011 22:00

oh and what does NFI mean? Not fucking invited?

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 22:01

That's the thing. If her own Son would rather pull his teeth out with a spanner than spend Xmas with her....why on earth should your SIL have to?

tabulahrasa · 22/08/2011 22:02

Well she doesn't have to have her I suppose, but it does seem a bit mean if there's already going to be a crowd round.

I've had my sister's MIL, SIL, the SIL's DP and DCs some years, just so children could all spend Christmas together and no-one was missing out on seeing them for dinner

PotPourri · 22/08/2011 22:04

Erm, I don't see why your sister needs to invite your MIL tbh. I would never ask my sister to have my MIL. I would just not go. If I explained I couldn't go cos had MIL to invite, and she offered to have her too - then yes, fine. But I think it is too much for you to expect her to be invited.

Bottom line, don't go as you are tied to MIL. But don't bitch about your sister. It's her party like

Takitezee · 22/08/2011 22:05

YABU. Why should everyone have to put up with her for Christmas? If she were a joy to spend time with then it might be different but I don't blame her for saying no.

PotPourri · 22/08/2011 22:05

Can you invite any friends who don't have much family, or have just the one MIL or the like - then have your own big party - whcih would water down he PITA quotient!

TimeWasting · 22/08/2011 22:06

Why should she? In fact, if she's that much of a pain, why should you?
You don't have to martyr yourself, and you certainly shouldn't expect your sister to martyr herself and everyone else in her family either.

LolaRennt · 22/08/2011 22:10

I think yab really u.

Your sister invited you and your fmaily to spend xmas with her, how is that selfish? If it were a wedding and she could only invite 12 people would you expect her to invite 12 people she wanted or 11 people and your MIL?

She inviting the other people because she would prefer to spend xmas with them even if she invites the back ups. It will be akward for her having non family around on xmas

MrsGaff · 22/08/2011 22:21

YABU.

You've admitted your MIL is a PITA and even her own son would rather pull his teeth than spend time with her, so why should your sister and HER guests have to?

LemonDifficult · 22/08/2011 22:25

YANBU. Everyone has difficult relatives but they should have to be downright offensive to be knocked off a Christmas guest list. As she knows this would make life easier for you she really should be nice and find an extra chair.

Your sister sounds quite controlly about her party in general, what with lining up back up guests for the Golden Ticket that is an invite to her house on Christmas Day.

Original poster
herhonesty · 22/08/2011 22:29

I suppose I am v surprised mostly because as some posters have said, I come the sort of family which is all embracing, so her stance seems odd, and annoyed on reflection, I've spent masses of time with her daughter over the years to make up for her being an only child... We're taking her dd skiing in january with my other nieces and nephews. I just think is that much of a hardship - for one day of the year. Mil is a pita but in the nicest poss way, she is a widow and gets stuff out of perspective a bit, and isn't very self confident.

OP posts:
PizzaEmpress · 22/08/2011 22:31

YABU. She's neither your sister's friend or family. Why would she invite her? Seems odd that you would expect her to.

2rebecca · 22/08/2011 22:33

"to make up for her being an only child"?!
I suspect your sister has no idea her daughter is such a figure of pity to you and you don't enjoy her company for its own sake.
Do you have to be a martyr in all your relatioships with people? Do you never just see someone because you like them and enjoy their company?

squeakytoy · 22/08/2011 22:35

One of the best christmas we had was in 2007, when my mum came down to stay, and my husbands parents both came for christmas day too (only live round the corner so no need for them to stay).

In the evening all of my husbands grown up children came round, after spending the day with their own partners and family etc..

Sadly my FIL died two months later, and my mum in August the same year.. so we can never have that family christmas again.

Christmas is meant to be about people joining together and it does seem a bit mean to say no to your MIL being included as part of the wider family.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/08/2011 22:36

I think if it would help you out, then it would be nice for your sister to invite her.

squeakytoy · 22/08/2011 22:37

2rebecca, OP is talking about her own daughter being the only child. As an only child myself, who hated christmas because it was no fun being stuck with just adults, I would have loved to spend the day with cousins.

Original poster
herhonesty · 22/08/2011 22:38

That's not very kind 2rebecca. I love my niece and treat her like she is my own daughter. And I love her company. I'll ignore your last comments which are just bitchy.

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 22/08/2011 22:40

Well it's her house and all that, but personally I'd just think of it as squeezing in an extra one.

I've certainly had my sister's MIL over for Christmas Day in the past when she would have been left on her own otherwise, it's part and parcel of a big family day for us

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