to think my sister is a not very nice for NFI'ing my MIL to christmas day

[herhonesty]

context - families are a big thing for us - quite a large family, we've been spending them together at my sisters house in france over the last few years. not all 3 siblings there. christmas day is important, its very child focussed, not loads of presents, but just losts of fun.

my MIL who is a bit of PITA but completely harmless spends it alternatively with us or my SIL. my DH would rather pull his teeth out with a spanner than spend christmas. but we do spend it with her every other year or so.

this year we are all in england.one of my sisters emails me to invite us to family christmas - which would be 12 people in all if everyone went. anyway, so i asked if we could bring MIL, as its our turn to spend it with her, and she'd probably like it more than having to spend it with evil DIL (me). MY DD is currently only child so it would be nice for her to spend time with her cousins on this special day, she adores her cousins and vice versa.

her response was no. fair enough, i think, but then read on and she basically says "we wont have enough space because i am inviting x and y (who lost father/husband last year). again fair enought i think ... but then she says. "and if they dont come i'm going to invite a, b and c family" who are basically normally family friends with no special circumstances... I mean really, one extra person - is that really asking too much, or am i being really unreasonable and pushing the boundaries?

fyi, my sisters DH has no parents

sorry probably a rant

herhonesty, I think this is a family culture thing, as you've said. In my family there are great relatives and not so great relatives, but relatives' relatives are part of that family, if a bit more distant.

I can't imagine saying 'well, DB's in-laws aren't my family' as I feel that they ARE my family. And I have spent Christmas with both my brothers' parents in laws so I guess they feel the same.

I love a large family. As I said in last post, your sister in law sounds a bit controlling, I bet she's got out the cookery books and is planning a theme already. If she's more keen to ask someone who doesn't yet know her party is happening than your MiL who'd appreciate the invite, then it sounds as though she doesn't want guests she wants audience.

Is this a question of your sister simply catering for an extra one for dinner, or would she be expected to accomodate mil overnight?

If it's an extra guest for dinner, IMO your sister is being unreasonable - but could it have anything to do with the fact that there are already 12 for dinner and it is considered unlucky for 13 to sit down together for a meal?

nobody can say if YABU or not, since it depends on what is normal for your family. In mine, it would be very unreasonable not to bring her, it wouldn't be thought of not to. In others, it would be bizarre to even imagine it.

Only you know.

I agree it depends on what is normal for your family. I would expect my sis to invite my MIL but she isn't a PITA and my sis's dcs call her Grandma. Its telling odd that your sis would rather not have you there than have you plus MIL.

YANBU. Has your sister never seen Peter Kay and his emergency chair sketch? It is all part of the fun of Christmas.
Personally I would rather spend it with a family who all squish in around the table and have fun, than sit around a perfectly laid table minding my ps and qs.
That said you can't force your sister to have your mil.