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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking that HVs, Midwives, GPs, etc should 'suggest' MN?

95 replies

kevlarbrassiere · 22/08/2011 14:53

Met an old friend today for lunch.

I was updating her on my dc's and getting updated on hers.

She wanted to know how I had coped with the trials of my dc's issues, and I said that reading MN threads were a life saver.

When I originally discovered for myself that MN existed, I couldn't believe that all the doctors, midwives, etc., hadn't suggested parenting fora (forums?) to me as an informal 24 hour support.

AIBU to think that maybe they should suggest MN (and the others) to parents who are struggling, or lonely, etc.?

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 22/08/2011 16:14

Yes they are always banging on about BF/FF on debate threads.

I have never seen a mother asking for advice about BF or FF get a bollocking.

Unless they started behaving like an arse about something, but that's different

nickelbabe · 22/08/2011 16:16

every thread i've ever read comparing the two has always pointed out the facts ,and given relevant advice.
i've never seen anyone be told it's not their choice, or being made to feel inferior because they've gone one way or the other.

BabeRuthless · 22/08/2011 16:16

I think this place has an unfairly harsh reputation. If you were feeling a bit fragile (had PND for example) & went to the relevant section I'm sure you'd get all the support you needed.

I think the problem comes from first timers posting on AIBU and being told not to be so wet/mental/unreasonable etc.

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 16:16

I'm sorry you read my post that way aStar

But as I'm sure we all know, lots of first time Mums will have moments of doubt in their own ability...especially at 4am when they can't get baby to sleep and they're totally knackered themselves.

Great if MN helps to rebuild their confidence but totally not great if they get jumped on for their own personal choices like so many do.

Valetude · 22/08/2011 16:17

Most of the medical advice you see on here is utter shite. So for that reason alone, their hands are tied.

While it has been periodically reassuring, I think the 'addictive' side of MN (and the internet in general) has damaged me, over the years. Real people, real live help and advice are SO much better. I was able to tell myself for years that MN was actually doing me good, but we all know that apart from the odd flash of insight it's a gigantic time-wasting exercise that's fun at times but mostly quite boring but compulsive.

There are more unhinged people on MN than people want to admit. It's not really OK for medical professionals to recommend spending your time hanging out alone but reading and communicating with the very intense sort of person who posts a lot, some of whom are quite bats, to be frank. It's not good for any of our mental health. Yes some of you are lovely, and bats can be fun, but...you know what I mean.

nickelbabe · 22/08/2011 16:20

I would sooner have MN recommended to me than NM - i don't think it's right to recommend a site that has so many ill-informed opinions on the forums.
and most of the time, they type in txtspk, which is really hard to read.
i don't feel that there are enough opinions on there, and i don't feel that you get a rounded debate about anything - it's all from one side.
if anyone does give an opinion that differs from the rest of them, they are slated and accused of being itchy or stirring up trouble.

I much prefer the opinions and experience of the posters on MN - and the fact that they type in english, much easier to read.

I like the fact that I can make up my mind based on several opinions, several points of view, than 1 party-line that gets spouted on NM.

nickelbabe · 22/08/2011 16:21

Vale - completely agree with the problem of the addicted side of the site

Valetude · 22/08/2011 16:22

As for bf/ff - I started coming on here as a newish mother, and I was quite honestly horrified at what people think about ff. They always try to couch it in terms of 'we just want to support' but I've seen the other side of those same people and it is really, truly not pretty. I think the good general stuff about bf can be summarised in about 3 bullet points to be honest (most HCPs don't get breastfeeding training so look elsewhere for advice; get someone properly trained to check the latch; feed as often as you like and for as long as you like and remember everyone has an opinion on it and won't hold back so prepare yourself to ignore 'em).

SardineQueen · 22/08/2011 16:22

They don't though worra.

MN is so much more than AIBU. If you have never had a reason to ask for advice on here then it may be that you have not seen that side of it.

Cheria · 22/08/2011 16:22

No-one linked to the medical profession should send someone to this or any other forum.

It is full of mdical shite.

Plus there are some not very nice people on here.

I personally have used the site for general discussion and doggy advice, NOT for medical advice. For that I go and see my doctor or the paediatrician.

nickelbabe · 22/08/2011 16:22

(nothwithstanding your concerns - but I don't know anyone really IRL that has had children recently, or whose opinion I trust in these matters (ie, who has done things the same way I want to try)
eg - i want a home birth, none of my sisters did that, nor wanted to.
eg i want to BF, both of my sisters FFd, and have no advice on what to do if i need help with BFing.

SardineQueen · 22/08/2011 16:23

But if they are already recommending NM, then why not MN?

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 16:24

Oh nckelbabe that did make me laugh (about MN being easier to read)

It can take bloody weeks to get all the "DD, DS, BF, FF, BLW, TTC" and all that malarky

Cheria · 22/08/2011 16:24

Oh, and some of the ff/bf threads had me in tears when I was pregnany and unsure I wanted to bf or not. So much pressure. And getting slammed for not doing things the way other MNetters think you should must be a horrible experience, especially when they judge your parenting skills.

No doctor or MW in their right minds would seriously recommend this or any other site.

nickelbabe · 22/08/2011 16:27

that's true, but at least we've got a dictionary up there ^ to help!

we don't have to wade through "do wht ur bubs wnts hun lol"

SardineQueen · 22/08/2011 16:27

I have never started a thread on here asking for advice and not got it. And I have started a lot of threads asking for advice. No-one has ever gone off on one at me.

Debate threads are different. If people are sitting there reading views that upset them then they need to stop. I have some topics that I avoid like the plague. It's not that difficult.

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 16:28

Well that's true too but sadly the younger generayshun wil no wot dat means

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 16:32

One other thing as well (while my soapbox it out!)

MN has far too many categories imo to be of any real use to some people.

Too many categories means much less traffic on each one.

I think that's why so many people use AIBU to ask a question...because they'd like an answer fairly soon.

I don't know why there has to be a category for almost everything? I think we could lose about 50% of them.

It's like MNHQ has some form of OCD and everything has to be in its place

Slobberedupon · 22/08/2011 16:33

I recommend MN to friends when they're pregnant but do let them know about what areas to avoid at the start until they find there way. I found MN when I was pregnant and my first post was in the names section - I was horribly hormonal and considering a name that I never would have before and I got a serious kicking! Luckly I'm pretty tough but it could have scared me away.

I think that HPs should list internet forums as possible supports with all the others but include warnings about how all advice may not be medically supported.

Slobberedupon · 22/08/2011 16:35

Opps! 'their' not 'there', eek!

WuzzAndBuddy · 22/08/2011 16:40

Funnily enough I was just thinking about this a few days ago at work when I received a Maternity Information pack from HR.
All the usual work related info, some photocopied information sheets about sleeping, feeding etc, and then a photocopied sheet at the back with recommended sites, NHSdirect, Direct.gov, NCT and Netmums.

I don't agree with recommending one forum and not the other, would think it would be more fair to recommend at least MN and NM, the two main types of forum.
I can't stand the tickers and hugs and fluff of Netmums but at the same time a good friend of mine thinks Mumsnet is vile and can't understand why I like it... horses for courses isn't it?

But to answer your question, I do think MN should be recommended, but along side other forums.

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 16:45

I wonder if they recommend Netmums because their patients are less likely to be called a Cunt? Or have to read words like Fuck and Cunt in thread titles/throughout some threads?

It's just a thought...but it might be quite embarrassing if people complained that their GP/MW had recommended the site to them?

I worded that badly but I know what I mean

Birdsnotbees · 22/08/2011 16:46

I wouldn't hesitate to recommend MN, and personally don't have a problem with the no. of 'feisty' viewpoints. Like all internet forums, you choose what advice to take or not, you take a bit of time getting to know the boards before leaping in. I didn't lose any brain cells when I got pregnant and am, and would assume newly pregnant friends would be able to, sort the wheat from the chaff.

I've been on here for years (2 kids and one name change in) and have got so much advice & found out about all sorts that I wouldn't have otherwise. I've had a lot of support even though I mostly just lurk...

SchrodingersMew · 22/08/2011 16:49

I told my Doctor when I was having problems with hyperemesis that reading MN was really helpful. :)

Her reply was "oh stay away from that site! That's worse than Google, they're all nutters!" :o

GetOrfMoiCarbsClaire · 22/08/2011 16:52

"I wonder if they recommend Netmums because their patients are less likely to be called a Cunt?"

That just really made me laugh worral. I agree with you btw about the topics - I can't be arsed with half the topics on here. 99% of my ramblings are in chat, AIBU and style& beauty.

I much prefer MN because as soon as you go on NM you are subject to onslaught of pink thick twats. I much prefer it over here.

Yes there may be some people on here with a BF agenda, however LOTS of people have been helped to bf successfully when the advice from HVs has been next to useless. There is ususally somone on MN to talk to in the middle of the night whern you are crying with a shrieking baby. I think that is invaluable.

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