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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DH ought to be able to find a bottle of pigging milk in the fridge without my help???

76 replies

duchesse · 21/08/2011 10:09

DH got up with DD3 this morning. She is halfway through a bottle of ready-mixed Hipp follow-on milk that I got last year for our holidays and is about to expire. A bottle of this stuff is white and purple, about a pint in size. I told him exactly where to find it (bottom door shelf of the fridge, left-hand side.)

He could not find the fecking thing. Why? Why?? Why???

I got up, went downstairs, opened fridge door, it was exactly where I said. He had even checked the other fridge and every other shelf in both fridges. He did not once even think of picking up every item on the shelf door of the little fridge and examining it carefully to see if it was what he was looking for. He must expect the correct thing to just levitate into his hand.

Clearly he and I have very different ways of looking for things. He now thinks he's going mad. I hope he can see what I have to put up with on a daily basis.

OP posts:

WondersOfTheWorld · 21/08/2011 12:16

Well I am totally against this idea that the brain stops being malleable as we grow older. Research actually shows now that it is far from being the case and that we can all change the way we behave if we want to (If we couldn't why would counselling work, people diagnosed with let's say diabetes 2 or coeliac disease would not be able to change their diet).

The issue here is more about habits and the fact it is so much easier to do the thngs we have been doing for the last 40ish years instead of doing something different.

And no it's not a 'man thing'. It may be a cultural thing (as men were brought up this way) but certainly not linked with genes and brain function as such.

catgirl1976 · 21/08/2011 12:16

Nope. He can't see things unless they are right in front of his face. So, depending on how busy I am or what mood I am in I will either a) walk in - fling the thing at his head and flounce off smugly or

b) tell him to get a grip as I am busy and the womb is not a locating device, in which case he will either find it or not.

I don't think feminism will suffer too much from our domestic arrangements......

scottishmummy · 21/08/2011 12:17

you go girlfriend.throw that marg.you are woman now roar

LineRunner · 21/08/2011 12:23

The person who in my experience was the worst ever object-locator was a female flatmate at uni, who we reckoned couldn't find her own arse to put her knickers on in the morning.

It's a berk thing.

catgirl1976 · 21/08/2011 12:25

You're alright scottishmummy. Luckily I don't have to worry about petty point scoring in the home :) I have a nice equal, balanced relationship and don't have anything to prove. Phew!

TrillianAstra · 21/08/2011 12:25

Taking a middle ground on brain plasticity - if a man has been brought up with the assumption that men are shit at finding things he will find it harder to find stuff. Well then he'll just have to try a bit harder won't he? In order to set a god example to his sons and not have them grow up with the same crippled brain function that can't move things to look behind them.

scottishmummy · 21/08/2011 12:29

fortunately i have a partner who can locate items without need for my intervention.evidently this is not so for all

Chandon · 21/08/2011 12:33

I would like to set up one of those Research Projects you read about all the time.

Thesis: men are crap at finding things, or are they?

Method: Each man has to find 3 items in fridge or cupboard.They get an electric shock every time they fail to find an item. After 3 shocks, they die.

The outcome might surprise you. We might find that men, like lab rates, can learn very quickly if there is an incentive.

not sure this test would comply with human Rights though... Maybe we coudl give them a star reward chart every time they find an item, and after 3 stars they get a beer.

need to think it through a bit more.

PuppyMonkey · 21/08/2011 12:36

Wow, you have two fridges.

catgirl1976 · 21/08/2011 12:37

I like it Chandon. I was thinking of running a few tests on DH for my own interest this morning anyway :)

I have a real dilemma now though as I can't open the pickle jar and want pickles on my sandwich. Is it ok to ask DH to open it for me or will that cause an incident? :) On the one hand, don't want to let the sisterhood down. On the other hand really want pickles...what to do?

DevotionAndDesire · 21/08/2011 12:37

My DH and my DS are exactly the same, I think it is a "DW/DM will know where it is, she always knows where everything is, so I won't bother looking properly and just stand in the middle of the room shouting 'I can't find it anywhere' until she comes to get it for me."

CheshireDing · 21/08/2011 12:37

Ha this is making me laugh.

A definite sexist comment about a male paying the mortgage though Scottish.

my DH does the cooking because I hate it so of course things have moved on with generations. I do totally believe though that Mums of Sons where the Mum is probably 60 plus were most likely stay at home and thus did everything for their Sons, it's not a case either of carrying it on because DH has to look for said item himself.

I do believe people unwittingly still send children down a certain stereotypical path depending on the child's gender and I think you have to sometimes really think about how you respond to them, as no cake said when our PFB turns up in October if it's a boy he will have to find his own stuff and if it's a girl I have already told my gran not to buy a doll or stupid plastic kitchen/other similar household item unless the child actually asks for it in a few years.

scottishmummy · 21/08/2011 12:49

indeedy,was in keeping with the thread though and i wondered if women who hold such stereotypical cliches also do enact other clichés in rl

catgirl1976 · 21/08/2011 12:49

When my DH can't find something, I sashay in wearing a very short skirt, stockings, no knickers and very high heels. Then I bend over a a lot whilst trying to find the object and giggle about what a silly man he is.

If I don't find it quickly enough DH gives my bottom a spanking and calls me a naughty girl.

Once I have found whatever he was looking for I call him a silly-billy for going in the kitchen in the first place, mix him a nice G&T and give him a blow job whilst he relaxes reads that clever, pink paper that I don't understand. Then I fix my hair and lippy and get the dinner on.

That's right isn't it?

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 21/08/2011 12:49

I love this thread.

Fact.

queenmaeve · 21/08/2011 13:08

This is my dh changing a nappy
Sits down with baby on lap, opens nappy
Yells ' queen maeve will you get me a nappy'
'and I need wipes'
'hold her Hands for me'
'will you put that in the bin for me'
'here button her up while I wash my hands'

Chandon · 21/08/2011 13:16

queen, you should not accept that.

it's crap, in so many ways.

letsblowthistacostand · 21/08/2011 13:33

I have 2 DDs. One of them is a Finder and the other is not. DD1 stands in the middle of the room moving her head all around, looking at the walls and yelling "I CAN'T FIND IT!!" DD2 waltzes in, scans room for a moment a finds said item. So when DD1's future partner is fed up with her inability to locate the ketchup, who will be to blame? Me, or DD2?

mamas12 · 21/08/2011 13:34

STOP 'FINDING' THINGS FOR THEM!
really you are all enabling this stupid behaviour.
If he can't find the milk the baby goes hungry and screams and he deals with the consequences, he will soon learn honestly.
Why are you all infantalising your supposed partners, partners in what ffs
get a grip stop with the martyring too

As you can see this makes my blood boil

lashingsofbingeinghere · 21/08/2011 13:37

I think the evolutionary explanation is bollocks. Do men at work mislay their stuff more than women at work? Probably not, because a bloke would frankly look an idiot and highly unprofessional if he kept bleating he couldn't find his tools/van/ phone/keys/files/sports kit.

The single men I know are pretty organised domestically. Needs must and all that...

queenmaeve · 21/08/2011 13:42

Oh chandon dont worry I just look at him and say ' how do you cope when I'm not here?'. Actually I shouldnt yap, dh is about the best you could get. He is away with all 5 to the park at the minute, has let me lie in every saturday for 10 years and has got up every morning with dc for the past 2 months while we've both been off. I could go on.
We all just like a little moan about the men, no harm intended

scottishmummy · 21/08/2011 13:43

of course he can find things,he just knows you are mug enough to get up and look for him. presumably in work and real life can find and locate items without colleagues intervening

catgirl1976 · 21/08/2011 13:45

surely that's what his secretary is for sm?

maxybrown · 21/08/2011 13:52

you mean it didn't have flashing lights on? Shame on you!

FruStefanLindman · 23/08/2011 11:48

DP in the bathroom this morning looking in medicine cabinet

DP : Fru, have you seen my tablets?
Me : Which tablets?
DP : You know, the plaque revealing ones
Me : I don't know. I haven't moved them

Go in to look in medicine cabinet - on the shelf at his eye level is the box with the name facing outwards and not obscured by anything else in front of it.

DP :
Me :

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