to be insulted by IVF gossip?

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After a rather difficult time we have been incredibly lucky and conceived twins after our first cycle of ICSI. We feel totally blessed and are very excited by their arrival early next year.

Only our immediate circle of family and friends knew we were having treatment and though we are not embarrassed or ashamed that we required fertility treatment to conceive, there are some people who we've chosen not to share this information with. I personally think it doesn't matter how they were conceived.

So I was fairly shocked that my DH's friend's wife (who is an extremely competitive and abrasive individual) dismissed our pregnancy to one of my very best friends saying 'they were trying for ages, so it was probably IVF'. (which led to my BF feeling the need to defend us and telling her they were natural - which is very unlike her!) We have given these friends of DH no reason to think we were trying for ages or that we were having treatment, so this can only have come as a rumour through an ex-friend who knew when we'd started trying, a fair amount of time ago. However she doesn't know whether we have had fertility treatment or not, so why comment at all?

I know it shouldn't matter, but I really can't understand why anyone would say something like that - why does it matter how the twins were conceived and if they are a result of fertility treatment, would you not naturally feel even happier for the lucky couple, that they have been successful after what would probably have been quite a difficult time????

Does having fertility treatment in her eyes make the babies some how lesser to her child? Or the pregnancy any less exciting or wonderful? I really can't understand her attitude and though I'd never stop my DH seeing his friend, I have absolutely no inclination to see them ever again.

Have any of you encountered such a bizarre reaction?

People just like to talk about other people to fill empty silences. It doesn't mean anything at all. I personally think you are being a bit oversensitive about a throwaway comment this woman made which probably had no ill-meaning, and your friend is being a bit of a stirrer.

do you have twins in your family is just my polite code for wow, did you fall off the chair at the ultrasound or were you expecting it

Genuinely never even consider the IVF aspect of it

I think op is projecting her own insecurities onto this woman.

1. she was right
2. I would have idly thought the same

Not because I think it's less wonderful at all, but most if not all twins I know are a result of IVF. Natural twins are a lot rarer so I think OP is BU

Also why can't we discuss IVF? Why can't someone ask? It's almost like it is a shameful secret to be kept hidden and not discussed on here.

My friend is pg now and told a few of us about her issues but would happily talk to anyone who asked about IVF or wondered. She'll often refer to it because it's not something to be about IMO. Life doesn't deal us all the same cards so why can't we discuss.

YABU What's wrong with the truth particularly as you're not embarrassed or ashamed that we required fertility treatment to conceive?

Your news may help to encourage others who are still struggling to conceive and I find it hard to understand why you're not, metaphorically speaking, turning somersaults and proclaiming from the rooftops that, thanks to the wonders of medical science, you have been doubly blessed.

before my sis had dnephew i offered her my eggs if hers didnt work and my womb if she needed it. there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about needing help to concieve. i still think i would like to surragate in the future as i find pregnancy quite easy but not until my family is complete.

Sorry OP but I don't think that this is worth worrying about.
She is wondering about it and there is idle gossip but you seem overly sensitive. It took many years for DD to be born- I don't think it's anyone's business but let people say what they like.. What does it matter?

I am a mother of naturally conceived twins and get these comments.

Try not to let it bother you. She sounds like an idiot if she really believes they are less important than other babies.

IVF normally means that the child was very much wanted, after all you're not likely to have an accidental IVF pregnancy!

I think the answer to "are they IVF" is either "no, they're babies" or "why do you want to know?"

Or you could say "Yes, they were conceived through IVF. So, how did you get pregnant?"

Thanks for all your comments.

I can understand why some of you interpreted what I wrote that in some way I have an issue with the way our twins have been conceived. I absolutely don't. I feel so unbelievably blessed and lucky. We are incredibly open with people about the IVF - before, during and after the treatment. It's not a secret or anything I'm trying to hide. However there are few people who I try to avoid mixing with who we have chosen not to be so open with.

This particular woman, who we have not seen in over a year is one of them. The main reason being that she is a total perfection freak and quite merrily puts everyone down around her. I didn't feel the need to give her a reason to feel superior because she very easily conceived her child. She didn't know that we were TTC and as we have not seen her, there is no way she would have recognised that we were having treatment either.

The reason I know what she said was because my BF had to tell me that she'd told the woman they were natural - which is of course not the case.

Assuming that a twin pregnancy is as a result of IVF isn't wrong, or unusual - I don't have issue with people asking me and I tend to decide given the person asking or the situation whether to tell them the truth or not. We are fortunate that twins do run in both sides of our family, so that question is easily satisfied without telling any lies at all!

What I had issue with was the way she dumbed down our news as if it wasn't so wonderful because it wasn't a natural conception and the probability that she's telling other people this when she doesn't actually know if it's true or not. I guess that's just regular gossip, but it doesn't mean I have to like it!

Maybe I am being too precious, but that's the joy of pregnancy

Instant IVF normally means that the child was very much wanted, after all you're not likely to have an accidental IVF pregnancy!
?

OP- I know people like this and believe me it riles me
That they know anything about me!
Sounds as if it's more to do with a woman you dislike gossiping about you.
Who cares what she thinks.

She is either a horrible gossip or horribly jealous.

I'd say both.

Smile sweetly and feel sorry for her ignore her.

There's always going to be someone who'll try to rain on your parade. It's not a big deal - let it go and look forward.

joric I was saying that IVF doesn't make babies somehow second-class, because they are much-wanted and of course as valued as other babies. Some people are flippant about IVF and think it's to do with having a baby as an accessory or that infertile couples "should" adopt.

The OP asked "Does having fertility treatment in her eyes make the babies some how lesser to her child? Or the pregnancy any less exciting or wonderful?" The answer of course is "no"!

I think you need to grow a thicker skin (although I understand why you're sensitive, because of what a roller coaster fertility treatment is, but not everybody will get that). There are a lot of critics about when you try to make or raise a baby. Anything off she said is her problem and make it stay that way.