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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to assume we would share a twin room rather than forking out for a room each?

82 replies

vanillanice · 20/08/2011 22:10

Best friend asked me if I wanted to go on a one night spa break with her next month. Her DH is away on a stag do so she thought it would be nice to get away. I rarely get a night away from the kids so jumped at the chance. She said she would research it all online and let me know what hotels are available. We agreed a price of no more than £170 for a room.

She texted me earlier to say that there's only a couple of spa breaks available and the cheapest room is £150 including breakfast. I naively assumed that we would be sharing a room so the price would come to £75 each. Expensive, but as I don't get the chance to go out much I'm prepared to pay it.

I texted her back saying, yeah book the room, just check it is a twin room rather than a double. She's replied saying she wants her own room so it would be £150 each.

No way I can afford this. My fault for assuming we'd share, but seriously who goes on a girly night away and then has their own room. Seems a needless waste of money too. It's not like we don't know each other very well.

Going to ring her tomorrow to say we either share a room or she'll have to go with someone else, as my budget wont stretch this far.

OP posts:

bananamam · 21/08/2011 00:09

Lesbarian=the silliest term I have hear lately.

8 in a room=brilliant I thought 5 was good!!!

ChippingIn · 21/08/2011 00:13

Neither of you are being unreasonable - but one of you should have thought to check with the other one. I hope you sent her a text to say you'd assumed it was on a room share basis and you can't afford separate rooms so either she goes with someone else, you take another friend as well or you share - her choice of solution.

LolaRennt · 21/08/2011 00:14

YANBU tou have assumed you should have been honest and explianed you couldnt afford it and see what she said though. If she gets disappointed it's her own fault as she won't share. Rude to text another friend to go without asking her though!

LolaRennt · 21/08/2011 00:24

lesbarian= females that like other females whilst shhhing each other in a book-y setting

Iamkenny · 21/08/2011 00:31

YANBU but she thought one thing and you thought another - it is just a missunderstanding. But one you need to get sorted out.
I would have expected to share a room but then the only spa weekend I've ever been on was with my sister which is a bit different. But surely that is part of the fun? And it is only one night if you can't afford it surely as a friends she would be accomodating?

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 21/08/2011 07:36

Grow a pair and tell her! You would rather pay £150 you can't afford than tell her? Or invite someone else without asking her? Are you a doormat?

'So sorry X, I thought you meant sharing, I can't afford £150 at the moment, sorry :(' easy.

Bear in mind the price isn't for the room, it's for single occupancy of a room, so if you shared a room it wouldn't necessarily be half of £150.

exoticfruits · 21/08/2011 07:52

ChippingIn has the solution.I can't see the difficulty in just telling her that you can't (or won't) pay £150.

kat2504 · 21/08/2011 08:00

I agree that you should just tell her you can't afford it and say you had misunderstood her when you agreed on prices.

Fair enough if she wants her own room. You both should have made your meaning more clear to each other at the start.

However, last time I went on a spa break it was with 2 close friends I have known for many years and all three of us shared a room. It's part of the fun in my opinion. We imported a bit of alcohol (bar was v expensive) and stayed up chatting for a bit.

Shutupanddrive · 21/08/2011 08:01

YANBU in wanting to share a room, but yabvu to invite someone else along without even asking her! Why don't you just ring her and sort it out?

kat2504 · 21/08/2011 08:03

Also have a look at the Q Hotels website for spa breaks. We paid a bit more than your £75 top price but it included lunch(2 course) and dinner (3 course), two treatments, use of the spa and pool and breakfast the next morning. It was about £100 each, which was really good value with three meals included.

YellowDinosaur · 21/08/2011 08:04

Why is this such a big deal? WHy didn't you just reply to her text saying something like 'oh sorry I had presumed we would be sharing and can't afford £150 on my own. If thats not the case then I'll not be able to come'. Or just pick up the phone and call her at that point.

If I had arranged to go away with you, and you then invited someone else along without asking me, I'd be very pissed off with you and perplexed that you had done this instead of asking about the room first!

For what its worth I would have made the same presumption you did, that we would be sharing, but I certainly wouldn't be so silly about sorting it out whn it became clear we had different expectations!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 21/08/2011 08:14

Maybe your friend wants to make the most of the spa break and not spoil the beauty effects with drunken late nights.

doesthisseemright · 21/08/2011 08:18

I dont like to share. I have had one entire evening away from my family EVER and having a room to myself was the best thing ever. (and yes, it was a spa break with the girls)

MorallyBankrupt · 21/08/2011 08:23

I would assume I was getting my own room. I'm a grown up not a 12 year old on a sleepover!

doesthisseemright · 21/08/2011 08:24

Me too.. I honestly dont share . How old is the OP and friend?

doesthisseemright · 21/08/2011 08:27

(and friend)

fivegomadindorset · 21/08/2011 08:33

I hate sharing rooms, I think that it is a misunderstanding about rooms and you should just tell her. If I was your friend I would be OK about the room thing but really pissed off if you texted me and said OK someone else is coming along to share the rooms costs, without running it by me first. Threes a crowd and all that.

microfight · 21/08/2011 08:38

YABU I wouldn't want to share either. However you need to tell her asap and inviting someone else would be far worse than telling her you can't afford it. She may turn round and say okay we'll share then.

MrsRobertDuvall · 21/08/2011 08:39

I could not share a room with anyone. Always have my own room if I go away.
I struggle with dh.

Groovee · 21/08/2011 08:40

Why can't you just tell your BEST friend that you can't afford it? I'd be understanding that someone couldn't afford the price I can, but to introduce a 3rd friend who will share your room is rather rude and I'd not bother going with you if that was the case.

Sidge · 21/08/2011 08:51

I most definitely WOULDN'T want to share.

I'm an adult not a child on a sleepover or a student in halls.

The whole point for me of a relaxing spa break, away from home for a weekend would be some solitude and a night alone.

In fact I had this very same situation last year. Went on a spa break with a great friend; she assumed we'd share in order to do the giggly girlie thing and I wanted to chill and have some peace and quiet. So we compromised by finding a hotel that had no single supplements then after a boozy dinner hung out in her room with more wine then I went back to my room for a night of solitude. Everybody happy!

DrNortherner · 21/08/2011 09:01

Cripes, every girlie break I've been on we always share rooms, it's part of the fun no?

jimswifein1964 · 21/08/2011 09:10

I would hate having to share a room, even with my closest friend.

MorallyBankrupt · 21/08/2011 09:15

Clearly expectations are split here so it's probably one of those things you should discuss at the start!

giraffesCantChaChaCha · 21/08/2011 09:17

I hate sharing rooms.

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