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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my baby cry?

90 replies

Maternelle · 20/08/2011 17:18

This is DC3 so you would think I would know by now, but I am starting to have doubts.
She is 9w and I don't let her cry.
My mum, DH, aunties etc... tell me I should if I am satisfied that she is not hungry or dirty.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon with an acquaintance who has a 6-week-old that she let cry for what seemed like hours (probably 15/20 minutes). I felt like picking up her baby and cuddle/BF him. The thing is her older DCs are better behaved than mine, so her techniques might be better...
I won't change as I physically can't let my babies cry, but I would like to know what others do as I seem to be the odd one out.

OP posts:
youngwomanwholivesinashoe · 20/08/2011 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 20/08/2011 19:47

Rita - sure, I can go along with that :)

I do think "have you tried just leaving him alone for a few minutes?" is a reasonable suggestion to make to a new mother with a "colicky" baby.

I'm so glad it was DD2 that needed this. I'm not sure I would have had the confidence to do what needed to be done first time around.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 20/08/2011 19:47

I left my daughter to cry if I had to. She wanted holding all the time, which was impossible. I don't do being superglued to a baby all the time. Bathing, eating, cleaning and such have to happen too. If she was fed, clean, loved and perfectly healthy she sometimes just had to put up with being 'down' while life continued. I didn't enjoy the nose, but I valued my ability to function more than I valued the outward silence.

My son on the other hand liked his own space even as a baby. He liked to lie in his carrycot and contemplate the ceiling.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 20/08/2011 19:50

Um, my iPad deleted the end of my post...

You are not unreasonable to not want to leave a baby to cry, but not everyone is built the same, so to judge another who does is not entirely reasonable:)

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/08/2011 19:54

Porcrastinator - DS1 was like that. My mum remarked upon the fact that right from the first few days, he was really happy to lie there and stare at the lights or the window. Didn't know what had hit me when DS2 arrived...

tallulah · 20/08/2011 19:54

I have 5 children and have never left a baby to cry. How can anyone bear it?

LolaRennt · 20/08/2011 20:09

I agree with you, why leave such a small baby to cry? Just pick the baby up and cuddle it, isn't that the point of babies?

Grin cuddling is their only point really

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/08/2011 20:12

Oh. I thought the point of babies was sleep deprivation and burp-cheering.

LolaRennt · 20/08/2011 20:17

oh no, you're right. That too

ThePosieParker · 20/08/2011 20:24

And the fat bloke on a plane is not chemically and physically changed by a crying baby, he's merely annoyed.

Original poster
Maternelle · 20/08/2011 20:27

I actually start leaking when I hear a baby cry. This is not affectation!

OP posts:
BelQ · 20/08/2011 22:08

I think it's not just about your philosophy but about the baby too. I couldn't bear letting my DD cry when she was v small and it took me ages to work out that when she was tired she just needed to cry for a little while before she dropped off.
I just sat by the cot close enough that she knew I was there until she fell asleep (about 15 mins on average). Very hard to bear at the time but she was so so much happier when she was getting enough sleep.

I didn't and still wouldn't let her cry for other reasons now unless having a tantrum (now 19 months).

CardyMow · 20/08/2011 22:48

Blush DS3 is my fourth dc. He is nearly 7 months old. I don't think he's cried for more than 30 seconds at a time. There's hardly anything I would be doing that I couldn't stop to pick him up if he needed it, unless I was doing CPR on another dc! I just couldn't leave a baby to cry, it'd rip my heart out. Even when it's someone else's baby. Like in Tescos today, baby must have only BEEN a few weeks old, and screamed for over 30 mins round the shop. Wanted to stop the mother and tell her to find out whether baby was hungry / needed nappy changed / needed a cuddle, her shopping wasn't as important as her babies needs, and the food would still be on the shelf when she was done with the baby. I didn't, obviously, but I felt for the poor baby.

blackeyedsusan · 21/08/2011 01:21

ds haad to cry longer than dd... if and only if I was in the middle of doing something like a nappy change or bath with dd. (or on the loo) but apart from that neither of them got left to cry. dd is better behaved than ds and she was never left to cry being the first. ds sort of whimpered himself to sleep when older... put me down and leave me alone but at several months old, not weeks. he still gets picked up and cuddled in the night when frightened by a bad dream. he is lovely and snuggly. (ok he was snuggly last night, he is oftten wriggly and stinky... which is probbly what woke him... )

MoominsAreScary · 21/08/2011 01:58

Ds 3 Is nearly 6 months and not much of a crier, he does like to go to sleep on his own so sometimes cries to be put down!

I've never left a newborn to cry but now he's abit older I can tell the difference between his I'm upset cry and the just want to have a winge one, if he's winging he does sometimes have to wait if I'm seeing to one of the other dc

If I had a baby that cried all the time as my dsis had I can understand having to leave them to cry sometimes especially agen you have other dc

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