fed up of being a singleton

[Hatesponge]

I haven't been in a relationship for nearly 3 years.

I haven't had a date for well over a year, or any 'action' (beyond a snog) for more than 2 years.

And I don't know why. I am attractive, I'm very intelligent, but men are never interested in me.

It worries me that it will be this way for the rest of my life, that I will be on my own. I have never been married, and now probably never will be. I have only been in love once ( and not with either of my DC's fathers but thats another story).

No-one I know has any idea why I'm single. They all think I should be beating men off with a stick. But I'm not. I've lost nearly 4 stone this year - I feel better, am healthier, I wondered if it would make any difference on the men front, but apparently not.

Hi sponge

Well I'm 45, broad of beam, pyscho ex, three dcs (9,7 and 6) and met a lovely bloke over year ago on POF after more dates than I care to remember .

I suppose I just want to say that if I can pull anybody can lol. Most of the men I met were v nice and didn't seem perturbed by my having kids.

I did date a lot more than you must do though - I would just have a coffee and a natter with them rather than invest a whole precious childfree evening, with someone with whom I didn't really get on.

amithatbad, you are not moaning. You sound lovely. Keep talking

op, i am happily married ( most of the time)

yanbu, I would hate to be in the dating game all over again, i wish you luck fitting that 1 fish in the sea of love.

i get that all the time why are you still single blah blah blah. it is condescending there is nothing wrong with being single. also what does that say about you if you feel you deserve a realtionship because you are good looking and intelligent being in a good relationship is not about looks or intelligence its about a real connection with someone

firstly you have got to be happy being on your own if you are not you give off desperate vibes. you can be happy on your own and still want a realtionship but if you are not happy adn desperate it will show.

i love being single. i was dating it was fun nothing more until he wanted a realtionship, i don't so we ended it.

i may never have another real relationship but i beleive as it happens to most people. strange thing is i always wanted to be and always was in a relationship before i had ds and i was always disappointed becasue i wanted unconditional love. i have that now and never have that sad feeling of being on my own and i attract very different men to what i used to, which is goos as most my ex's were twats

slightly belatedly coming back to this...

firstly, am still very much a singleton. No eligible men at the engagement party, but thankfully not lots of inseperably happy couples either - all very low key and I managed to duck out mid-evening and go home :)

thank you for remembering me - and for your lovely comments :) am glad all is well for you, and you are happy with your life. Am slightly envious of you having a dog, understand entirely what you mean re their unconditional love!

amIthatbad I understand those feelings of jealousy, I often feel tired just with the weight of responsibility on my shoulders - to keep my job, house and DC afloat as it were - and I can only imagine how much harder that must be with a DC with SN. Many non-MN ((())) - and you're not moaning. No more than I am anyway!

freudianslipper I get what you're saying. I have spent a lot of time on my own, and I enjoy my own company - that's what comes from being an only child. I don't consider myself desperate. As I said previously, I could get a date if I was prepared to date just about anyone - the fact I'm not willing to do that tells me I'm not desperate (yet!).

I'm not exactly happy on my own - well I'm happy enough, but I know how happy I was in my last relationship and I would really like to experience that again.

I do worry though as to whether or not I will be that lucky. I would dearly love to meet - even if not someone I would have the same feelings of love for - a man I found attractive, who I enjoyed spending time with. Am hoping that is not too much to ask.

Very interesting discussion.

I think our lives have all become so complicated.

Hatesponge says "amIthatbad I understand those feelings of jealousy, I often feel tired just with the weight of responsibility on my shoulders - to keep my job, house and DC afloat as it were"

Thing is, in a lot of couples , one partner feels EXACTLY the same thing - as though they are shouldering the main burden of responsibility for keeping the family show on the road...resentment creeps in....and it all goes pear shaped.

So just because you have a partner, doesn't mean the burden gets shared..it often increases

sniffy you're right that the burden can increase, with my abusive Ex I often felt I had 3 children not 2. He was/is a total spendthrift, and I felt constantly anxious about him wasting money. We argued - and worse- all the time.

BUT sometimes admittedly not often) we did get on, he did make me happy, and I did feel supported. Albeit fairly infrequently.

At my lowest ebb as a singleton I have never felt as unhappy and desolate as I did at the lowest point in my relationship with him. There are definitely worse things than being single.