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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset

64 replies

Ivortheengine8 · 19/08/2011 17:25

I'm feeling a bit angry and upset but can't work out if its my hormones (I'm 31 weeks pregnant) or if I am over reacting in some other way.

Sometimes this girl I met at our local toddler group comes around to our house. She has a ds who is about a year old but has had a few issues with her not being able to cope and she has a social worker involved. (she is about 21 and lives on her own with her dc)
Anyway her dc is currently staying at her parents as she told me she couldn't cope with him atm.

Anyway She always asks me if she can take my 22 month old dd for a walk when she comes around. I am a bit reluctant usually as she did once and my dd came back with her face smothered in chocolate before her tea and I just felt a bit strange.

Anyway today she asks as usual and I said ok then. She said she was just going to the shop opposite and said to my daughter 'want to go out for a walk for half an hour?' - I thought ok, its really close and should be at the most half an hour.

they went out at 3.30pm...............I called at 4.30pm as they still werent back. No answer, called again and sent a message and had no answer. I started to worry at 5pm and I got on my shoes and went out to look for them.
I walked down to the park and up towards the shop (no fun as its ll up hill and I was bloody tired and hot) and I was getting more and more frustrated.

I get a call afterwards that she is outside my house so I have to walk all the way home to find them sitting outside our place, again dd has chocolate smothered all over her face and its her tea time. I am pissed off but I remained calm and said 'I thought you were just going to the shop?'
I told her I had been out looking for them and she replied......' thats madness' and seemed to think I was being really silly.

Anyway I am still pissed off with myself really for letting dd go when I wasnt 100 per cent about it and worrying myself sick.

On the other hand I think I am being silly and over reacting.

Mumsnetters put me right, am I being stupid?

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 19/08/2011 21:17

oh, x message, see you're going to drop her. Good call.

Original poster
Ivortheengine8 · 19/08/2011 21:22

Thanks FPT, Will do. have not replied to her last text as didn't know what to say. Will probably leave it there and hope she gets the message!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 19/08/2011 21:58

Am I the only person to be worried about this woman and what her intentions were?

ImperialBlether · 19/08/2011 21:59

Your child is (thankfully) home safe and sound, OP. I think social services need to know what she did. Obviously you might not do that if it was someone with no social services contact, but given that you don't really know why her child is in care, I would play safe and try to contact her social worker.

What if she took another child and didn't bring him/her back?

snice · 19/08/2011 22:10

practise saying "No, I don't want to do that" and keep on saying it if she asks to come round/take your child etc.

you don't need to add any explanation-its your right to say no

notlettingthefearshow · 19/08/2011 22:12

YANBU.

She's probably completely lovely and harmless, but it's disrespectful not to obey your rules with your child. Ultimately she has abused your trust. You should explain how you feel and why, and be sympathetic but firm. She may not have another chance with you, but hopefully she will learn how to behave with other parents and children.

EmmaRoyd · 19/08/2011 22:14

I understand how it happened, I get talked into things I feel uncomfortable with and then feel angry with myself afterwards. Don't get upset if too many people here tell you you're mad and shouldn't have done it, you did and now you've learnt from it so just put it behind you. It's clear everyone is in agreement you should distance yourself from this person. I think you should tell your DH if only to draw a line under it so its not a secret hanging over you. I'm not sure she had evil intentions she just sounds immature.

bakeyouhappy · 20/08/2011 00:53

I had a friend who did this... Have cut off 'friendship.' In my case she didn't have a social worker etc. She was 20 yrs older than I am, and I feel like she kinda bullied me into situations I wasn't sure about. She would offer 'help' that turned into my being nervous... Offer to pick the kids up from school and not turn up for an hour or have them for a play date and not answer her phone. She always acted like I was crazy when I questioned the time or not answering the phone.

LineRunner · 20/08/2011 01:13

Also OP, I remember the thread where you said your DC might have need of an epi-pen.

And all you need to do is text the person back and say, 'This friendship is not working for me. Let's be civil if and when our paths cross, but please don't text me again. Thanks.'

MoominsAreScary · 20/08/2011 01:26

It may just be that she is struggling to cope with her child and is having a difficult time, social services could just be involved as support not because the child is at risk

However you only have the information she is giving you so the decision you have made not to let her take your child out again is most certainly the right one, if you find it difficult to say no maybe you should tell your dh, then the decision not to let her take your child out again is comming from both of you. ( that's if you decide not to cut off the relationship completely )

Don't beat yourself up, you were being nice and you thought she was only going across the road

Original poster
Ivortheengine8 · 20/08/2011 16:59

Line runner, thats right, she has had problems with asthma and allergies.
Thanks again everyone else. Is this the first thread where everyone has agreed on AIBU?!!
bakeyouhappy, I am glad you have been there too. They make you feel like you are being really daft don't they?
I think she is probably immature too and running over things in my head she had told me in be last night, it doesnt seem she is all the truthful either. I hadn't really questioned it much before because I just accepted what she told me but now there are things I find quite difficult to believe and that just don't make sense in my mind. I am sure we have all told fibs etc but when children are involved it takes it to a whole new level.

OP posts:
DontGoCurly · 20/08/2011 17:09

What on Earth was her explanation for failing to answer the phone.

I would have gone nuclear on her.

NorfolkBroad · 20/08/2011 19:01

Ugh, what a horrible experience for you! The fact that she doesn't understand why you are upset shows that she is not really very grown up and of course this could well be because she hasn't had great role models. However my ex's parents did something similar to me once - they were 2 and a half hours late returning dd to me when she was little. They didn't answer their phone and it was a snowy, icy night. I was beside myself when they finally got her back with an airy "sorry we're a bit late, you know what it's like" We had to have a very serious talk once i'd calmed down. Anyway, I'm afraid i would try to explain it to her and then distance myself a bit. Good luck.

Original poster
Ivortheengine8 · 20/08/2011 19:11

I'm not sure dgc, didn't say. :( Maybe she didn't hear it when she was out.
Thanks norfolk. Must have been scary for you too. I don't think people realise how much upset and stress it causes. I was pretty much close to tears when I went out to look for them :(

OP posts:
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