to not tell my sister what her teenage kids are up to?

[smithereenies]

I'm the mum of small children but have teenage newphews and nieces - I know that my niece's boyfriend was smoking dope at her 17th birthday party as I smelled and saw it and my 14 yo nephew's fb profile shows him with a can of beer. My ds is a bit concerned about her dd's relationship with her bf due to his sometimes irrational and very emotional behaviour - and I said maybe he smokes dope and she said she really hoped not - i then asked if she thought her ds drank and again she said she hopes not....I asked if he is on fb and she said she thought so - in other words I was trying to draw her attention to it without explicitly spelling it out.
Should I tell her? I haven't and I'd feel like a bit of a snitch but then again I only have very young dcs so don't have her perspective yet.....any parents of teenagers might be able to advise please?

I would if it led to resultant problems wrt my children, smithereenies. I don't want my teenaged kids drinking out of the home/without responsible adult supervision nor do I want them dating dope-heads.

My first though is why does she just 'hope not' and why is she not takig a more proactive stance into what they are up to?! Het merely
'hoping' everything is ok is lazy and she needs to step up. You should not be in this position!

I wouldn't tell her. I would ask her if she checks their Facebook.

hairfullofsnakes - And I think she 'hopes not' because isn't it difficult to know exactly what your teens are up to all the time? Do you have teens? Do you know exactly what they have and haven't done? Because believe me I don't know a single parent who does, so please don't be so judgemental. I think she is proactive in talking to them and she always phones other parents if her ds wants a sleepover. She just might have been remiss in not checking his fb or knowing if he has an account

I'd suggest to her she keeps an eye on her son's facebook page. Especially if it's public - point out to her that anyone can see it.

Teenagers are prats. My sister found out about her sons illegal tattoo as he was silly enough to put a picture of it on Facebook

Yeap I was the one who told her, yeap he got yelled at, he also needed test for all and any blood borne infections as the day after he got his tattoo the place he went got closed down by the police and H&S.
Thank God he was ok.

But long story short, they?re teenagers, they?re thick, and if they?re thick enough to put it on Facebook, tough, tell her

Probably would tell her - this is stuff they're doing quite openly so it's not as though you're betraying their confidence or anything. If she's already expressed concern about the DDs boyfriend's behaviour, and you know the reason for it, it seems odd not to say so.

I wonder though if she already knows, and all the 'I hope not' stuff is denial on her part, or not wanting to admit problems to you?

I would tell her in a casual way. I would want to know and it sounds like she wants to know too.

smellslikecatspee - i know teens can be silly - i was!...i am a bit sad my sweet little nephew has turned into a bit of an idiot who thinks its cool to pose on fb with a can of beer - and tell his mum he doesn't drink even though there he is on fb!

maybe she does know? she is very proud and a perfectionist and might really hate me knowing something she doesn't - another reason for dithering