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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told my sister to p*ss off out my house!

51 replies

kiki22 · 17/08/2011 23:19

i guess i know IABU with the out the house part but AIBU as to why??

I am 17 weeks preg with my first baby so far i have had a terrible pregnancy i suffered badly from sickness for the first 12 weeks and tho it is ony maybe once or twice a week i am still being sick now, i have been so tired all the time and feel down as it is effecting my social life as am so sick/tired i don't have the energy to go out. I also have had 2 urine infections have has bad heartburn for the past 2 weeks and had terrible constipation the whole time. AND i have back problems so sitting at my desk at work every day has turned into a pain litraly... so feeling pretty damn sorry for myself at this point

My sister has told me im preg not dying and to get over it i shouldn't complain, she was preg at 17 so went straight from school to benfits so there was no tiredness issues for her as she could sleep any time she wanted (1 or 2 naps a day) she had no sickness at all, had heartburn that a glass of milk sorted and felt so good during her preg she went clubbing (not drinking) every weekend up until the sat before her DD was born she also was at an ann summers party when she went into labour and stayed to the end so obviously she was feeling pretty good up until then, she also lived with my mum the whole time so had no housework to do or bills to worry about...

After weeks of being told to get over it i snapped told her she should be thanking her lucky stars she had such a good preg it could easily be the other way around... her answer was 'god just get on with it' now i know it was childish but told her to piss of home n not come back but sooo sick of listening to her rubbish

sorry for the long post rant over

OP posts:
CharleneysWishWellingtons · 18/08/2011 00:15

HipHop Excuse me if i'm being really thick, but is that different to regular Gaviscon??

Original poster
kiki22 · 18/08/2011 00:16

like i said i don't complain at work or with friends just moan to my mummy n sister was here at my house at the time... think if i didn't tell my mum how rubbish i feel i would feel worse she's very good with tea and sympathy.

OP posts:
CharleneysWishWellingtons · 18/08/2011 00:19

Here's some Brew from me!
And lots of sympathy!

Maybe we can start a whining thread about how crap we feel? Grin Could be fun??

maxinefan · 18/08/2011 00:19

When i had our little clarissa i felt terrible and was ratty with my friends.
In your case however it's clear hat there ae underlying issues and if what yiou say is correct ther eis no reason why you should feel any guilt as your siister seems to have had it on a plate
You go girla nd best of luck to you

ballstoit · 18/08/2011 00:28

YANBU to have a moan to your mum and sister, although I think swearing and telling her to leave will not result in you getting more sympathy.

Do you think that perhaps your DSis is a bit jealous? Perhaps it's not so easy having a baby while living with parents as you think. Did she get to make decisions about how to parent her DD? Did she feel she missed out on having some freedom before being tied down with a child? Not excusing her attitude to you...just wondering if it's not quite so green on her side as you think.

MoominsAreScary · 18/08/2011 07:51

I've found eating little and often works with this pregnancy, although nothing worked last time! I didn't realise how unwell I was still feeling until I gave birth.

She may be jealous, I was living with parents when my first child was born and it's not always as great as it seems, allthough I always knew I has it pretty easy with no bills and all the extra help

lisianthus · 18/08/2011 08:09

YANBU, and if anything, I think you were restrained in your response. I cannot bear those sanctimonious so-and-sos who had dream pregnancies and totally lack all sensitivity and empathy to those of us who have horrible ones.

If i had been you, and assuming I wasn't feeling too horrible to lift the broom at that moment, I would have chased her out on the end of the broom. A supportive sister would have done the chasing out FOR you.

fedupofnamechanging · 18/08/2011 08:12

Being pg for the first time can come as a huge shock to the system. I was finishing my PGCE when I was pg with my first and had to do my set number of days in school or I would have had to repeat the course. I couldn't tell anyone I was pg, because the first 12 weeks were up (only very close friends and family knew), so had to go to work every day feeling constantly nauseas and exhausted. It can be very hard.

Your sister sounds so very immature and has clearly been spoiled rotten by your mum. The thing is, she doesn't know any different, so that is her experience of parenthood. I think I would have told her to piss off too and I'd be inclined to talk to my mum about sisters attitude. Your sister is taking all the support she gets completely for granted. might be time she started looking after her own child, before offering her opinions to you.

RealityVonCrapp · 18/08/2011 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisianthus · 18/08/2011 08:28

Reality Grin

moomaa · 18/08/2011 08:41

Sounds like half a dozen of one, half a dozen of the other to me.

Sorry you're having a rough time but it sounds like your sister hasn't had it easy either actually. Not much fun having to 'share' your baby with your mum full time, must be harder to find your own way. I bet she would prefer her own place and all that comes with it. I don't envy anyone that has a baby at 17 when all their friends have no responsibilities and much harder to get your first job. Maybe you could both be more supportive of each other.

Ilovedaintynuts · 18/08/2011 08:58

You are most definitely NOT BU!

Pregnancy is not the same for everyone, the same way childbirth isn't.

I can't stand people who say pregnancy isn't an illness. It may not technically be but my 2nd pregnancy sure damn felt like it. I've never felt so bad in my life Sad

My first pregnancy was brilliant and I felt a better version of myself for 9 months. My 2nd I felt like death. Worse than proper flu.
My 3rd pregnancy still bad but better than 2nd.

4th pregnancy felt almost normal.

My 2nd and 3rd pregnancy I can still remember lying on the toilet floor at work just crying because I felt so bad.

However if I had only had one child I would think pregnancy was a breeze.

I would tell anyone to piss off if they acted like I was being dramatic about being pregnant.

diddl · 18/08/2011 09:14

To be fair, she was probably fed up with your moaning and telling you to "get over it" was her way of asking you to stop?

I had two easy pregnancies-but didn´t constantly go on about how well I felt.

SenoritaViva · 18/08/2011 10:12

I'm sorry to hear things are tough and I do think family are the only ones that you can have a bit of a moan too.

I think though that you are very focused on how easy your sister has it (and you are totally right, she has it SO easy) that it is highlighting HOW tough it is for you. I think it would be good to stop comparing yourself to your sister and to the rest of us 'normal' folk! It may have just come across that way since this post is about your sister so if you're not then I apologise. I think you'd be better off finding a few pregnant friends where you can all have a moan and compare notes together, your sister is from a different world!

MadamDeathstare · 18/08/2011 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

freybean · 18/08/2011 12:33

nooo to the milk, its not nice when you bring it back up

op - YANBU i would've told her to piss of as well

harassedandherbug · 18/08/2011 12:41

I'm 22 weeks today and still being sick!! Not everyday now, thank god but it's been the last two days and is usually 2-3 grotty days a week now.

I'm also sat at work being booted in my cervix, which makes me jump and people look at me weirdly/suspiciously Grin.

I've got heartburn and spd, my pelvis is bloody killing me today.......

However, this is my very last baby (you can all hold me to that) so I know I'll miss my bump and feeling preg. Eventually! I've also had 2 mc's this year, so I've found the symptoms quite reassuring. Strange but true!

This was the wingy thread, right??! Wink

nicky157 · 18/08/2011 12:49

Shall we put this from your sisters point of view, I was the one who got pregnant, young, lived with mum, survived on a puny amounts of benefits. Yes I had a social life but thats because there was nowhere to bring my friends to. There was no partner so that was there to support me so the only help was the odd night of babysitting. OK I had a reasonably easy pregnancy and birth.

Now you are my sister, good job, partner and has since she found out she was pregnant moaned about everything and how hard it is. How she gets no help, despite a partner. So you're physically ill, do you want to swap for the mental trauma that your sister went through, and more than likely has kept it to herself. Your physical illness will stop shes probably suffering even now.

Who would you say is the most hard done by? Frankly, I'd be seriously tempted to tell you to get over it.

stripeywoollenhat · 18/08/2011 12:56

if you feel like crap you are entitled to whinge about it, but she's right about getting your dp to do the housework, frankly. all this 'pregnancy is not an illness' hardly matters if it feels like an illness, let's face it.

Victoria1984 · 18/08/2011 13:02

I think YANBU, just having a tiring pregnancy, surely your sister realizes she has had alot of support? Maybe she should help with your washing etc (my sisters use to come 2 hours on the train to give me a hand with the house work and let me moan at them).

I had really bad heart burn as well and found that muller light yogurts really help (and spicy food don't know why but had some relief after eating curry)

deariedearieme · 18/08/2011 13:02

it is quite amusing that so many start their posts

im 2/6/83 weeks pregnant

as if that means you cannot possibly be unreasonable in any way

LOL

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 18/08/2011 13:10

Sounds quite reasonable to me, but then I am 36+6 weeks so probaby more unreasonable than you most of the time Grin

addictediam · 18/08/2011 13:14

I don't think you ate being unreasonable, but then I would never tell pg lady they were! Grin

But then I don't think you know what a bad pregnancy is unless you go through one. It was awful with dd I could have written your op and infact regularly complained on here. But this time around is a dream. You can't apreciate the good unless you have the bad.

At the end of the day she's your sister. Give it a few days and give her a call and explain it like you have on here. Don't complain at her, just have a good heart to heart.

MumblingRagDoll · 18/08/2011 13:18

Yanbu. I had a bad time with DD2 and some people have no idea...my 1st pregnancy was very easy so I can compare...stop even thinking of this..she was very stupid and you forget it now. Look after yourself.

lovelyredwine · 18/08/2011 14:36

I had a pretty good pregnancy, but had friends who had an awful time so I know that my pregnancy was not necessarily 'normal'. Every woman and every pregnancy are different and your sister might want to think about that before passing comments. If she has another she could be sick as a dog and exhausted for 9 months.

I have a friend who is like this; she once said that labour is not that bad and that women who complain about it need to think about the fact that women had been doing it for ever. She was in labour for 7 hours, had a bit of gas and air and no tearing/episiotomy, so had a pretty good experience all in all. It didn't go down too well with some of our friends who were in labour for days and had a truly shocking time of it as you can imagine!

So no, YANBU in my opinion. Perhaps she'll keep unhelpful comments to herself from now on.