To feel depressed because I can't cook

[Olivetti]

The fast food baby thread prompted this, but it's not really a thread about a thread - more a plea for help.

I can't cook! In my 20s, I was a singleton/party girl, and basically survived on chardonnay, silk cut and crackers Fast-forward to my 30s, and I am married, have a 9 month old DD, and am getting more and more worried. My DH is an excellent cook, so I became even more complacent in some ways when I married him.

Don't worry - I'm not giving DD junk. So far, I've managed to get by with weetabix, fruit and veg (I can cook those), bolognaise/stew/chicken that DH has made, yoghurt, and I have turned to Ella's kitchen on occasion.

But I know that I have to get competent for the future. It is meat I am terrified of, to the extent that I can't even do a chicken stir-fry, because I feel so under-confident about knowing when it is cooked etc. I've looked into cookery courses, but they all seem to be either quite advanced, or too narrow (i.e. based around a menu). What I really want, is a course on meat safety . I just wish I felt confident about preparing meat, deforsting/reheating, different ways of cooking it e.g. frying, grilling. I can stick things in the oven if I know the timings, and serve with veg, but anything beyond that and I feel worried.

I'm paranoid about giving DD food poisoning. Can anyone give any tips on what I could do? I would pay someone to give me a few one-to-one lessons on meat.

as a rule of thumb - if something looks good enough to eat, you have cooked it for long enough! , think about it, under cooked will look wishy washy and insipid, over cooked will look black and tough!

second what the other have said about getting jamie and delia books, then just practice, i expect the worst you will do it cook stuff to buggery! , not kill the family!

Can I recommend Prue Leith's Cookery Bible? The first part is all about nutrition, techniques, quantities, storing and freezing food and food safety. The recipes vary inthat some of them are easier and others harder, but all are easy to follow. I have loads of cookbooks, but this is the one I turn to when I do the basics.

I, personally, am not a Delia fan.

Wow, so many helpful responses. Mumsnet at its best! Thank you so much.
I think I will try that Delia book.
My mum was more into crafts and stuff than cooking, and really I was brought up to focus on academic work and aim for "a career". Well, I got all that, and hardly any essential life skills. How I wish I could slap my teenage self around the face and make her listen to her lovely Grandma, who was a great cook, seamstress and knitter. I reckon running a home well, including having babies, is genuinely one of the most skilled jobs you could imagine.

Cheria I have tons of cook books too and yes, Leith's Cookery Bible is the one I refer to most of all. I'm not a big Delia fan either. She's a bit mealy mouthed. I'm sure she's a perfectly nice lady but have you seen how much water she suggests putting in her mulled wine?

I so agree with you Olivetti - people like me are a good example as to how valued home running should be. It does take a lot of skill but I think people who know how, dont realise how skilled they actually are.

I have come a long way but am by no means a domestic goddess YET :o

I am no domestic goddess but I am a trained chef and I have to say don't be scared to experiment! Cooking is really not that hard or scary, mostly it is just about having the right techniques and most things you cook with turn out fine! Also, a lot of cook books just end up confusing you more as they include ingredients which are expensive or things you have never heard of, or things which will only get used for one or two meals. You don't necessarily have to follow a recipe exactly (unless you're baking),
if you don't have something or don't like it, leave it out or substitute it.

Off the top of my head a few good tips:

If you are doing stir-fry, chop everything up first and have it ready to save the food burning and being ruined. Meat first, then 'hard' veg like carrots, soft veg last. That way everything ends up cooked at the same time.

Try to steam veg instead of boiling - it tastes better and retains more colour and nutrients.

Always salt water which you boil pasta in, you won't be eating it but it flavours the pasta. Otherwise your pasta will taste of nothing. Also, don't overcook pasta! Overcooking turns it floppy and disgusting, stop when it still has a bit of 'bite' to it, it will continue cooking after the water is drained .

Same goes for rice, overcooking will turn it into a big squishy mass of starchyness. Also, rinse before you put it in the water to get rid of excess starch and reduce likelihood of it going all sticky.

Meat which you are intending to stew or casserole, toss it in a little bit of flour before you cook it. Then brown it in a pan before adding any other ingredients, this will create a 'roux' from the meat fat and will make a nice, thick sauce when you add everything else :D

I used to be like you.

Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food changed my life. So easy, and using ingredients you can buy in Tesco.

I found Delia Smith's recipes more complicated and I couldn't get hold of (or afford) half the ingredients.

Lots of good advice OP, you just need to bite the bullet and do it. I wonder if a Home Economics book would be useful? They are designed to teach this kind of thing I think? The one we had in school was by Deirdre Madden (this was a long time ago in Ireland, they may have changed!) but it should cover basic recipes and food safety by definition. Worth looking in your local bookshop/waterstones/wherever they sell school books these days.
Good luck and good for you to want to learn.

OP, I haven't read the entire thread, but I was like you when I first had dc's.
I was used to living on take-aways and crisps, then ds1 was born and I knew things had to change.
When we were approaching weaning time, I bought this puree book by Annabel Karmel and it really helped me get started.
Once I saw that I could do these simple things and how much happier I was that ds1 was eating home cooked rather than jars, I then moved on to this which is more finger foods and proper meals.
The second book was so useful and it also has meal planners at the back.
I just double/tripled the recipes so it'd be enough to feed me and dp too.
I still use it now and ds's are 4 and 2 yrs.

Don't get me wrong, we still eat our fair share of fish fingers and potato waffles but we also eat alot of stuff that's home cooked.
The best place to start with meat IMO is mince.
Start with spaghetti bolognaise, shepherd's pie, hotpots etc and when you are happy with those, look at cookery magaxines and websites.
It really is quite simple when you start.
When I was 19, I couldn't use a tin-opener! But am now an adequate cook.
Goodluck

Good advice from silverymoon. Mince is a great place to start.

By the way as well as my fabulous Prue Leith book I mentioned earlier I am also a subscriber of easycook magazine. Some of the recipes in there are brilliant, and they are ALL easy.

Prue Leiths book as suggested up there. Plus a meat thermometer and don't be afraid to experiment and the job's a good'un

Cheria I buy that mag too. I don't subscribe but try to buy each issue. They are lined up on a counter in my kitchen for menu planning days.
Which reminds me...........................better flick through some and decide what's on the menu for next week

You need a book which isn't just a list of recipes, but gives explanations about what to look for, how to tell if it's ready etc. I also recommend Delia Smith for helpful instructions. Personally I'm not a big fan of Jamie Oliver as I think some of his recipes are a bit fussy, but Ministry of Food does seem to be written in a different way.

My mother hates to cook, so I am pretty much self-taught. It can be done!

Many local authorities will run evening classes which may include cookery for beginners.

Have you thought about buying a meat thermometer ? That would tell you when a piece of meat is cooked through, they are calibrated to show at what temperature things are done.

I find it really sad that so many of you didn't learn to cook at school, although I must admit that I wasn't a huge fan of cookery classes at the time. My father often asked my mother why she didn't expect me to help with cooking meals when I was a teenager (her response was, she will have to do it soon enough). So, anyway, when I got married in the early 70s cooking was a relatively new experience for me - and it isn't difficult. If you can read, you can cook, simples. However, it is a matter of confidence.

I don't think that anyone has suggested asking the butcher for advice about cooking times (even if you don't use a local butcher's, most large supermarkets have butchers on site) - my butcher will always advise me if I am doubtful about something. The easiest form of cooking is casseroling - as someone previously said you can't undercook something if it has been gently stewing away for a couple of hours in the oven or on the hob.

My daughter gave me a subscription to "Good Food" for Christmas - it really is excellent, with recipes of all different types and standards. Do try a copy and see what you think. I still use some of the cookery books which I bought in the 70s - a good cookery book will last you a lifetime. Good luck!

I seriously recommend never learning how to cook.

OP i have this problem with baking. I used to get overwelm with the plethora of recipes. I find that it helps me to organise groups of cakes i.e. learn 3-4 types of loafs, then variations of victoria cake, cookies, birthday cake. I 've mesaured cups and spoons, got familiar with what each thing does and how is replaced ie sr flour replaced with plain flour with x amount of baking powder. Once you solve the 'mystery' then it seems easier .

So i would say learn the oils and the spices. Then master few sauces - tomato sauce, white sauce, and 2 more for fish or meat. This means you can do all the tomato base casseroles plus lasagne etc with the white sauce. Learn few marinates for chicken pieces or fish. Master a Sunday roast. Then you can try few curries or pastry (i cant do pastry).

I learned to cook... By watching tv and then trying out what I saw. It's a good way to learn about ingredients and techniques even if what you cook is less impressive than the stuff on tv. I'm actually quite a good cook now, but still learning. You're always learning with cooking; you just acquire the skills and confidence that allow you to experiment and learn more.