to really not understand how parents hurt, or allow others to hurt, their children?

[CheerfulYank]

There was a case in the news recently

( and this is EXTREMELY upsetting, so don't read further if you don't want to )

about a little boy (3) whose mother and baby-sitter allowed two men to rape and torture him in exchange for meth .

I just...I know there's no understanding it, and I was glad to see that against all odds the boy is alive and won't suffer permanent (physical, anyway) damage. But I just can't see how things like this happen.

DS just had a bad dream about five minutes ago. I went to comfort him and said something like "oh don't worry, mama and daddy wouldn't let anything happen to you," and I thought of that little boy. For a minute I thought I'd really gone insane with rage. I just want to do something, and there's nothing to be done. I just don't understand a parent allowing someone else to harm their babies.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? :( I try not to read upsetting things too often (had PND issues with things like this right after DS was born) but sometimes I hear about them anyway and I really just cannot stand it.

I don't understand either. I have smacked mine on the bottom but that is a world away from anything else - and you probably have to have smacked a child to properly understand that because I know it doesn't make sense written down. Dd3 had her face painted at nursery once as a zebra (bear with me) when her sister wiped her face it took quite a lot to get all the black off and she came down stairs to me mid wipe. I just caught sight of her face and thought 'ARRGH what's happened?' because it looked like a bruise - was just smudged face paint but it made me feel absolutely sick because some kids do end up with facial bruising like that and I cannot bear to think about how hard they have to be hit for that to happen. Truly horrible.

You can't save every little child but you can do little things like donate to charities, volunteer and think about fostering when your own children are older.

I try to avoid these sorts of stories because it turns me from a bleeding heart liberal to somebody who wants to kill violently or sterilise the fuckers.

Oh and some addicts are not bad parents (even if they might be better without the addiction).

Yeah stories like these I think it is best to avoid . . . I had to stop reading Baby P news and Nia Glassie (similar case here in NZ) because it got me so angry and sad.
Unfortunately, there will always be 'parents' like this around.

I think the best we can do is to not be afraid to go to the proper authorities if we suspect real abuse or endangerment to a child so that it doesn't reach that point.

A lot of times, we don't get involve because we don't want to cause trouble or say, its not my problem.

I remember that infamous NYC rape/murder story many years ago. A woman was raped and killed in an alley and over 30 people heard it/see it happen and nobody called the police.

Or people posting that they were going to commit suicide and their friends see it but thought it was a joke and did nothing to stop them.

Sometimes, we need to step out of our comfort zone and risk getting help.

Just goes to show, being a loving and caring parent doesn't come naturally, magically bestowed to you on a plate as soon as you finish labour. Being a good parent is mostly a choice, and not one that parents universally make, as the news report shows. Culture plays a huge part - for example some cultures in the world treat their children in ways which are at extreme odds with what we would consider loving. The people in the article were part of a smaller culture which had a set of values which I think everyone in the world would agree is toxic and nasty.

By being a loving parent, you are doing you bit. By contributing to the world with love and care, you are doing your bit.

Hope you feel better soon. x