or is my sister wrong for letting my 12 yr old nephew play an 18 rated computer game?

[deaconblue]

I am horrified he was allowed to use birthday money to buy Call of Duty for his new playstation 3. All the info I've found on it says it's clearly for adults not children and is very violent. When I phoned and talked to her about it she said that all his friends play it and the violence isn't too bad because it's in war not on the street. Obviously there's nothing I can do about it except ask her to insure he doesn't play it when our dc's are visiting and I guess it's ultimately none of my business but AIBU to think this is madness?

Mine had to wait until they were 18 to play an 18 rated game. It didn't make me very popular but I don't care.

FootsFirst - I have a 14 year old who has played some games which are 18 rated. He is not out at night thrill seeking. He is usually in his room reading or playing cricket manager in the evenings. I think that those who are out thrill seeking, have a lot of other issues going on in their families.

As I said up thread, if playing these games was all a person did, then I accept they might get a skewed idea of real life, and that would be true for adults too, but most people are not.

I'd agree that it doesn't enhance a person in the way that reading would, but I consider it to be neutral as I don't think it is harmful either for kids in normal families with no 'issues'.

Your sister should parent the way she sees fit.

But if COD ever enters my house before my children are 18 I will snap the disk in 2 no matter who it belongs to.

Anyone who thinks that kids know the difference between real and imaginary should perhaps take a closer look at the details from the Norway shootings.

Are the parents of these children quite happy to sit through a violent video game or film?
Personally if DH wants to watch anything which has violence and a lot of swearing in it I vacate the room - especially before bed because personally I have a problem getting images out of my head and I go over and over them in my head and I am 32! ...And I have seen quite a lot in my lifetime too which maybe I want to alienate myself from. I don't know but I know that stuff does affect me quite easily. I just find constant swearing hard to deal with too.

You cannot compare the two. What happened in Norway was one unhinged person. You used to get unhinged people before computer games were ever invented.

exotic do you think they played them at friends houses?

Not trying to be argumentative ...just wondering...:)

Call of Duty is harmless. A mere shootem up, I'd say it's the parents call, I'd have no problem with it, when my children were 12 I was buying games rated 16. They are now 23 and 18 no harm has come to them either, never in trouble ever, never roamed the streets, never looted Boots.

It's not the games they play that makes them bad it is how they are treated by their parents when they are being bought up.

Not getting at any one just for my family so much hate violence in the world I don't want to bring it into my home unless in a news context to show him how wrong it all his

I don't want him to think violence is a form of fun or entertainment or somthing small

When my son sees a violent act I want him to be shocked because its a shocking thing not think ah seen that before

Also studies have been done on empathy and violent games and movies I believe child of our time did the study

Re if they play them at friends' houses - I think that's beside the point tbh because as a parent of a teen you can't control what they do every minute of the day but you can control what you condone in your own house and whilst they live in your home they must put up with your standards/restrictions/rules/whatever. So if you don't approve of the game, you may not be able to stop them accessing it elsewhere but you don't have to encourage it or give in to the, 'well I've played it at such a body's house' argument.

But just like cancer people will say well I know someone who smoked 100 a day and their fine but it dose not make it not true just like aggression and games

Any way each to their own

It's not about respecting them. Its about recognising that they are there as a guide and that not games given an 18 or 15 certification are the same.

I have watched many films that have been given, say, a 12a or 15 rating that I would not have been comfortable with my under 12 year old watching. They get that certification because sex/ violence is implied rather than shown on screen, but they have quite a chilling vibe to them. Otoh, there are films with a higher rating that might have more swearing in it but isn't dark in mood.

So I think the rating is a guide and can tell me certain things but ultimately I am able to judge for myself what I think my dc should see.

I think it happens that films, certainly are not always classified properly, or as I would do it.

You can't say that playing the X box at 12 leads to roaming the streets at 14. DS1 is 13 (just), he's been playing these type of games for 3 years. He only goes out at night to youth group. I always know where he is.

DS's cousin is 20, used to play Grand Theft Auto and similar as a young teen. He has never been in trouble and indeed is now about to join the police.

Most of the kids I know of who are out til all hours causing trouble don't even have X box, what they do have is a lack of a proper family life, and no-one knowing or caring what they do most of the time(hence the attraction to gangs which offer more of a sense of family than they ever get at home) the sort of situation where from the age of 5 being kicked out of the house first thing in the morning and told not to come back til dark.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie - And its our job to know the parents of whom our children are friends with and their views

I know many people of whom my child gets on with very well but he shan't be staying at their home

I operate a basically open house so ds nether really wants to stay at other and to be honest were their parents opt for plonking on the tv my son is used to doing things so gets bored with theta very quickly

We have so much here to do he is very popular destination for the local kids

hatesponge agree!

Your last paragraph is spot on.

FootsFirst - that study only looked at 22 boys and the results were disputed by another academic who said you can't look at these things in isolation and social factors are relevant.

The cancer argument is flawed. We know that smoking increases the chance of getting cancer. We don't know computer games cause harm or even increase the chances of harm.

Where I live, we have quite a lot of teenagers. I'd guess that quite a lot of them have these games if my son's friends are anything to go by. We have no violence or crime here. I know it's anecdotal 'evidence' but still.

Well ladies this has been a pleasant debate no name calling just agreeing to disagree

Ah I love my mums net ladies In with a wheelchair bound daughter its hard to get out and about so I love the banter

Maypole :) I agree with you on that !

I agree with karmabeliever. My young sons play COD and so do their friends. None of them are violent and they are nice, well behaved, good mannered lads who look out for each other. People often tell me how lovely my boys are. I bring them up to respect others and they have no problem differentiating between a war game and real life. I understand why people do not agree with letting children play these games, but to call parents who allow it, neglectful, is way over the top.

Yes, usually these threads go very badly and I promise myself that I won't jump in. It has been nice talking to you all

Normally these threads kick off royally - someone posts something a bit inflammatory along the lines of 'my 2 year old plays COD and I don't see anything wrong with it' followed by 20 other posters wading in saying any parent whose DC even looks at an Xbox should be reported to Social Services etc, and that just about does it!

This has been unusually reasonable for AIBU, wonder if it will catch on?