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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my sister wrong for letting my 12 yr old nephew play an 18 rated computer game?

96 replies

deaconblue · 16/08/2011 18:08

I am horrified he was allowed to use birthday money to buy Call of Duty for his new playstation 3. All the info I've found on it says it's clearly for adults not children and is very violent. When I phoned and talked to her about it she said that all his friends play it and the violence isn't too bad because it's in war not on the street. Obviously there's nothing I can do about it except ask her to insure he doesn't play it when our dc's are visiting and I guess it's ultimately none of my business but AIBU to think this is madness?

OP posts:
Feminine · 16/08/2011 21:07

Exactly karma I agree.

As my 12/13 year old sometimes plays 18+ ,the whole mystery is gone!

At times he will even laugh and show me things...in my heart I am Shock and not that happy he plays it ...but it is not always about me and my tastes.

My DS has a very gentle nature ,like all boys though; he was interested...we are a totally ordinary family:)

janelikesjam · 16/08/2011 21:08

Children are not as delicate as snowflakes but they are impressionable, especially as they are surrounded by this kind of stuff, not just on computers, but on TV and in popular culture. The less they are exposed to sex and violence and technology at home therefore IMO the better. I think it does affect their innocence and outlook. But I am old-fashioned that way. I know everyone is different.

maypole1 · 16/08/2011 21:08

karmabeliever do you think those kids looting were have the type of parents who let them watch or play what they want when they wanted.
Do you think these kids watch and play wholly unstable games, music videos and films

Or do you think the looters seemed like they had parents who made sure they were not watching sexually explicit music videos playing violent games and age related films

Just wondering your view on which is more likely for children who end up being very aggressive or sexualised.

FootsFirst · 16/08/2011 21:09

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Feminine · 16/08/2011 21:10

maypole could you elaborate a bit more..

I do think this trend of allowing your child to watch and play things that are far beyond their years is more about the parent than the child

But , having seen it first hand, banned things are always that little bit nicer!

maypole1 · 16/08/2011 21:11

janelikesjam totally agree children are surrounded by this all he time then for a parent to knowingly bring it into the home is a bit ......

janelikesjam · 16/08/2011 21:12

And re. the "real world" comment. Yes, we do live in the real world. I would rather my child was exposed to the real sadness and suffering that is a normal part of matter-of-fact life, that a simulated war game or stuff on TV.

Feminine · 16/08/2011 21:13

The funny thing is that I am considered very old fashioned by my DH and some family... I have worked my backside off to teach my 13 year old right from wrong ...he works hard and is fun to be with.

Now ,at this stage of his life; I am gradually teaching him in a different way.

Ivortheengine8 · 16/08/2011 21:14

I agree with janelikesjam.

Feminine · 16/08/2011 21:16

maypole it is really rare for families to go out and buy 18+ for minors.

What happens is that gradually they make their own way in ...bit by bit.

sometimes its a quick loan ,sometimes a friend forgets it etc...

Most parents will relate to that , this is how I have chosen to deal.

maypole1 · 16/08/2011 21:20

Like i said when I am at the pictures watching a 12a and I see a four year old child their I very much doubt that the child was dyeing to see vin diesel
Film.

When I go to people houses and their children are glued to Geordie shore is it really the children who want to watch this or with the parents encouragement would they enjoy horrible histories or dick and Dom

Sorry like in most of these cases its the dad or older brother playing these games usually op cannot get oh to wait till ds to in bed then like most children they want to play or watch what dad is playing

Or in other examples I have seen some parents simply don't want to sit trough kids telly or games so encourage their children to age up so they can be amused

Hatesponge · 16/08/2011 21:25

I agree with Karma.

My DSs found coverage of the riots far more upsetting than anything they may have seen whilst playing Xbox. They are normal well adjusted boys - they may play COD and various other 15/18 games on Xbox - but equally they play football games on there (DS1) and Lego Star Wars etc (DS2). Xbox for them is as much about playing online in a team with their friends as about the actual game they're playing.

maypole1 · 16/08/2011 21:29

janelikesjam not in my home maybe in yours you are speaking as if I don't have a child which I do the wii is down stairs linked to the one telly we have in our home.

And in any case the amount of time he spends on the wii is so little its not a issue maybe 1 hour a week
While many kids are in their rooms playing death duty or whatever its called my son has pitched a tent, roosted marshmallows on a fire and is now snoring in the garden

Far more productive way for a boy to spend his evenings

My sons friends are from his church group so their parents have the same values as mine and to be fair I would allow him to stay at somones home who was wanting to expose him to adult material
plenty of time to be Adult

So their is no creeping in to our home

Just my view btw don't want a row

ddubsgirl · 16/08/2011 21:32

all mine play it and they are 14,12 & 9 plus dad,they play against each other or team up,no ill effects,they know its not real.

Feminine · 16/08/2011 21:35

Its interesting...maypole I do all the things you do, and probably hold similar views however, sometimes as a parent we find ourselves having to deal with situations/find solutions we would rather (personally) not want to.:)

Out of interest. how old is your son?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 16/08/2011 21:36

I think it's right that children should find real-life violence on the news more upsetting than game-violence. However, imho that doesn't make it okay for parents to condone children playing these horribly violent games at a young age - just because they know it isn't real and are not upset by it doesn't make it okay for them to be using it.

Feminine · 16/08/2011 21:39

I would also add that it has nothing to do with laziness (on the parents side)

For me ,it is just adapting to a situation that has presented itself.

fedupofnamechanging · 16/08/2011 21:41

maypole, there is a world of difference between allowing your child to watch/play an 18 rated film/game and not giving a shit about what they do and allowing them to see/do whatever they want. Most of the parents I know, whose kids have these games are very involved, loving parents. Their kids aren't roaming the streets at night, getting involved in all sorts. Two of them are police officers, one of whom was involved in policing the riots. I doubt very much that their dc will be out looting as he approaches adulthood. And I can guarantee you that mine won't be either!

There are lots of reasons for the riots - those young people have become involved in gang culture and I think they might have been less inclined to riot if they were under their parents roof playing xbox!

kipperandtiger · 16/08/2011 21:42

Yes, I would say that's wrong - there's a big gap between a 12 year old and an 18 year old's level of maturity. And in fact 18 doesn't mean that the child miraculously becomes all sagely and all knowing about violence or war - 18 is just a cut off point for recognising they are legally adults. An 18 year old's level of understanding is so different from that of a 22 year old's. That said, who knows what other stuff parents let their 12 year olds see -from movies, to the printed word, etc...you can't really argue with her over that. However -there is also a difference between a family who play the game together occasionally and let the child know it is very extreme and not what people do in real life, and a family who allow different violent computer games to be their child's babysitter all day. It's all down to the context, I think. (Still - I continue to buy my young relations/godchildren their presents; I don't believe in giving large sums of birthday money.)

You're right to insist your children never play it when they visit though.

maypole1 · 16/08/2011 21:46

He is 11 also have a 5 years old who is disabled

Personally I look at parenting like this will doing x make my child better or enhance him

To me playing 18 rated games at 11 = no
Watching 12a films = no

This things may not harm( which I don't agree )
But they don't enhance you

Haggisfish · 16/08/2011 21:46

As a teacher I hear the pupils talking about these games, see the pictures they doodle about them and personally would not let my child anywhere near them unti lthey were approaching 16, at least. They are exceptionally graphic in their depiction of death and murder and would not want my child to be seeing images like that, much less instigating it as part of a 'game'. Just my opinion, though!

FootsFirst · 16/08/2011 21:49

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fedupofnamechanging · 16/08/2011 21:49

I always forget half of what I want to say.

My dc play a variety of games, they are not glued to the telly or the playstation. They go to the park and swimming and out practising their cricket skills. They will play with their bikes or trampoline as often as they will watch TV (which they don't get free reign over). It really isn't one thing or the other. I don't actually know any parents who can't be bothered to sit through kids films at the cinema or on DVD and would impose wall to wall Jersey shore.

Hatesponge · 16/08/2011 21:52

just to add, my boys love watching things like horrible histories and do so regularly. They have no real interest in most TV thats on after 7pm, aside from comedy programmes- DS1 occasionally watches CSI, as he quite likes the science-y bits but thats about it.

They are well aware that the X box is far removed from real life. They are very normal children. As are their friends who play on Xbox live with them (and variously include the children of a solicitor, doctor, teacher, company director, and our childminder).

Feminine · 16/08/2011 21:53

I do agree with you maypole they do not enhance anything!

Unfortunately, it is not as simple as that.

I think there isn't really a right or wrong answer , as kids are all so different in personality and levels of maturity.

I play it like I do for this son , I might not need/want/ have to, for my second!