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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking there is nothing wrong with my DD (2) re. potty training?

27 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 16/08/2011 17:11

DD is 2yrs 4months, one or two of her peers are potty trained, and when people ask whether she is trained/training yet I have to say no.

She isn't ready yet, in my mind, she is unaware of when she is wee-ing, and I am happy to let her enjoy being a toddler and not worrying about all that yet - the few occasions I've managed to get her to be nappy-off (in the garden or just playing) she hasn't liked it, not wanted to sit on her potty, and asked for a nappy back on.

When I tell people that she's not training yet, they always ask "oh, is there something wrong in 'that department'", or look concerned. I've even had a relative (who hadn't seen her for a while) have a not-so-subtle check to see whether she had a nappy on, then ask me why she wasn't trained.

AIBU in thinking there isn't anything wrong with not being potty trained yet, just cos she happens to be 2 now?

OP posts:

c0nfusticated · 16/08/2011 17:14

I used to think I would have DD potty trained by the time she was 2, nows I realise how stupid that was.

I can just about get her to sit on her potty with her nappy on, but that's about it.

I can ask her if she's done a poo, and she'll tell me yes or no, but she won't let anyone near her when she's pushing, and as she has constipation issues I'm just not doing anything that makes going to the loo a big deal.

Your DD will be ready when she's ready, and then you can focus on it.

If you had said you DD was 5/6 then yes I may have raised an eyebrow

JockTamsonsBairns · 16/08/2011 17:15

Absolutely nothing wrong with not being potty trained at her age whatsoever. She'll do it when she's ready. My Dd is 2.1 and is not at the stage of noticing/asking etc. Ds was 3.5. All children are different, and what's the rush anyway. I can't believe people are so impertinent to ask if there's something wrong! So no, YANBU at all, she's still so little.

whackamole · 16/08/2011 17:19

Well, DTS are 2.7 and are not trained yet. DTS2 is showing signs of being ready, but DTS1 is not. I have had a few half-hearted attempts at it, but frankly at the moment when they are so unreliable it is not easy. Both OH and I work, I have 2 days off in the week with them and I really can't spend all day at home with them just to try and get the potty training done! I'd rather wait till the weather is guaranteed shite to keep them indoors ;)

So no, YANBU, it annoys me too when people comment - especially my mum, who doesn't think it's at all different to when the potty trained me, at age 2, when I was her only child and she was a SAHM

cornflakegirl · 16/08/2011 17:20

We trained DS1 before he was ready, because he'd had a lot of bad nappy rash. It was a stupid idea - we had months of accidents and carrying around a gazillion changes of clothes. Don't do it!

lady007pink · 16/08/2011 17:21

I was pleased when my DD2 was toilet trained at 24 months, her cousin was nearer to 3. Fast forward 2.5 years, my DD2 (now aged 4.9) STILL wears a nappy at night while her DCousin was dry at night immediately after being toilet trained!

There's no rush, when she's ready she's ready!

Happymm · 16/08/2011 17:21

They do it when they want to. DD was 1.10, DS (1) was 3.8, DS (2) is 2.8 and showing no inclination as yet. Am not going to make a rod for my own back, and get stressed about clearing up pee and poo until he is ready. Past experience has shown me that when they are ready they do it in a week or so. If they are not you face weeks of pain....

PeggyCarter · 16/08/2011 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Poweredbypepsi · 16/08/2011 17:23

my daughter is 2 and a half and just the last week start using the toilet. She just walked in one day with a pair of her older sisters knickers demanding to wear them. She has had a few accidents but is doing well. My son wouldnt go near a toilet until he was nearly 3 he would wee anywhere apart from a toilet. I think that its probably possible to train younger children but why would you put yourself and them through that when you can wait and have it done in a few days when they are old enough to understand a bit better.

smileyfacestar · 16/08/2011 17:24

No, there is nothing wrong with taking your time. I tried my DD (2.2 yrs) with a potty the other day, just to see how she got on. We caught a few wees on the potty but mostly went on the floor. She doesn't know when to get on the potty so obviously not ready. We have recently seen the HV for 2 year review and she supported my view that there is no rush. It is normal for a child of this age to still be in nappies.

pointythings · 16/08/2011 18:40

Another voice in favour of letting them do it when they're ready - DD1 was 2.4 and I had teh same peer pressure situation, so I tried potty training. Silly me, she just wasn't ready. Then 2 months later coming out of the paddling pool she threw a giant tantrum and refused a nappy, so we told her she'd have to do all her wees and poos in the potty if she wasn't wearing nappies. She was dry and clean within a week, gonig on the big toilet independently, job done.

With DD2 we just waited for the nappy refusal and let her get on with it and the same thing happened, sorted in a week with no pressure at all.

And both of mine were past 4 before they were dry at night - it's about neurological development and not something you can train.

Mishy1234 · 16/08/2011 19:31

DS1 trained at 2.5 and it was easy. A few months previously my mum was up and decided it was time he trained (DS2 had just been born!). She virtually followed him around with a potty and he hated it.

Take your time. It's SO much easier if you do.

hksi · 16/08/2011 19:36

I have 4 children and have just trained my youngest, who is 3 in a couple of weeks. She has been the easiest by miles - just 4 days of being at home!! Wish I'd waited this long with the others. Easy to say but trust your own mum's instinct and ignore other comments.

MadamDeathstare · 16/08/2011 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happygomummy · 16/08/2011 19:43

Just to add to the general consensus, don't worry at all.

I held off DS1 until about 2.11 as he just wasn't interested before. Trained on 2 days and he's had about 3-4 accidents since (ie in last 6 months.

DS2 is 2.1 and showing no interest whatsoever so I'm not hurrying this time either.

Your "friends" are fuckwits.

Squitten · 16/08/2011 19:54

She sounds fine and the absolute worst thing to do is force her to do it too early. When DS1 was 2.8 we tried because everyone kept on at us that he was getting too big to be in nappies and it was disasterous. Ended in a wee phobia - even back in nappies!

We left it for two months and just casually mentioned the potty one hot day when he was nappy free in the garden and we were away, just like that! A week later we were totally nappy free in the day after only 4 wet accidents total, and now (2.11) we're fully toilet trained and dry at night. It's sooo easy once they lead the way

mrsravelstein · 16/08/2011 19:57

agree it's much better to leave it a bit later, or til you think they're ready.

ds1 was loo trained (skip the potty entirely, it's much easier) at 2.6 in less than 48 hours. ds2 wasn't nearly so ready but i started at 2.6 and it took a good 6-8 weeks, very frustrating for me and him, in hindsight i wish i'd left it a while before trying.

FingandJeffing · 16/08/2011 19:57

To be fair, older people will have trained their kids much younger which is why they might ask (terry nappies with no washing machine at home and I'd have tried at 14 months too :) ). Otherwise just ignore, it just doesn't matter.

Millie1 · 16/08/2011 20:02

DTD's are training just now at 3.3. We've tried several attempts before now with no luck. This time round DT1 is flying - day 2 and four wees in potty with no accidents. DT2 hates it and cried for 15 mins this morning. She only did 1 wee in the potty today but has become happier about wearing pants and says she will wear them tomorrow which is a big step forward. I felt really conscious of other children the same age being out of nappies but mine weren't ready. I say wait, you've ages .... and ey won't be wearing nappies by the time they go to Uni!

MrsBloomingTroll · 16/08/2011 20:22

Have tried with DD, now 3.1, since she was aged 2. We nearly got there and then regressed completely, partly because I am expecting DC2 and she decided she wasn't ready to be a "big girl" yet. Lots of friends' DCs have regressed with the arrival of DC2 so I'm not surprised.

Apparently Jo Frost (Supernanny) advocates waiting until after age 3, when they can do everything by themselves. Haven't read her books myself but have been told that's what she says!

FunnyLittleFrog · 16/08/2011 20:22

DD is going on 3 and is adamant she still wants a nappy on. Grandparents think she should be 'trained' but I KNOW she is not ready yet.

Can't believe people are rude enough to ask if there is something 'wrong'. Idiots. There is so much unecessary competition about walking / talking / potty training.

ILoveDolly · 16/08/2011 20:26

I left off potty training until 2yr 3m with my dd1 because we were moving house/getting settled. Then we tried that boot camp method. It is so much a personal thing and also she was in cloth nappies so had a long time to experience wettage.

Potty training is like weaning. Do what is right for your dd not what your mum/neighbour/friend thinks is right. And good luck!

itisnearlysummer · 16/08/2011 20:30

Follow your DD.

You can't make a child potty train, you have to do it when they're ready.

Just ignore everyone else. It really annoys me the way parents compete over stuff like this.

DS was dry in the day at 3 but not at night until 5. But that was largely psychological.

DD was dry in the day at 3 and dry at night at 4.

It will happen almost overnight when they're ready. All that will happen if you try it sooner is that it will take longer - in fact, until they are ready.

I made no effort to speed it up and my DCs don't seem to have suffered for it. Go with your instincts.

Witchofthenorth · 16/08/2011 20:51

Tell them to stop being ridiculous! My DD3 was 3.2 when she started, and even then it was after a couple of failed attempts. Decided to let her "do it in her own time" , went to a friends house whose DS was using the potty, heard the wheels turning in her little mind and by that evening she was in the loo....RESULT. I also found that by waiting till she was ready, meant that she was dry in the night a fortnight later. Your DD will let you know when she is ready. Tell everyone else to sod off!

livinonaprayer · 16/08/2011 20:53

YANBU if you wait till they're more ready it will be much easier and less hassle.

I rushed into training my first at just over 2 (was mostly due to PFB competitiveness ) and it took ages and accidents were still happening months later.

My other two were nearer to 3 when they were potty trained and it took just over a week to be sorted in both cases and they pretty much did it on their own IYGWIM

I wish I'd waited with DS1 and got over myself! Would have saved lots of stress and washing!!!

Atropos · 16/08/2011 20:56

They're not dogs ? what is this training? Just have the potty there and let them know what it's for. That shouldn't be a huge problem as, as far as I remember, I never went to the loo alone for several years after my DD became mobile, and then they'll just do it when they're ready. Nappies are hugely boring ? has anyone worked out many they have changed since their first child was born? (it's terrifying!) But Mummydom is mostly about the child, and not the mummy. The rewards come later.

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