WTF!! Just been called a rasist by my own dh!!???

[Noibloodywellamnot]

will keep it short and have namechanged as I know how these threads usually go!

Sitting watching a film and I say to dh "oh what have I seen that Chinese guy in before" Chinese being relevant as there are 5 diffrent people in the shot.

He turns and gives me a smug look and tells me I am sooooo rasist, I say what!! And he launches into a attack on how i am so obviously rasist?

I ask how the hell can that be seen as rasist, if I was asking what the White guy or black guy had been in before I would have used the description White guy/black guy so he knew who the fuck i was talking about.

As if this was not childish enough he then tells me I am definitely a rasist because I ALWAYS ask if he wants to order a chinky then I shout "chinky is here" when it arrives, I can honestly say hand on heart I have NEVER used this word when ordering Chinese food.

I am FURIOUS, just asked him why the hell is he married to me when he has that opinion of me because I sure as hell would not be sticking around if I thought that of him.

What's bothering me more is he is insisting i have said words I know I would never use, what's worse the fact he seriously thinks I am a rasist but stays with me or has just made up a load of rubbish to make me look like something I know I'm not?

Have just seen him in a whole new light anyway!

Its a wind up obviously, my DH does it to me on occasion and I used to get wound up but just laugh at him now.

If you think someone's a troll, report and don't comment. Regular users (on any forum) are not in possession of the full facts.

oooo that is odd. what other word would you use? h is being an idiot. hope you are feeling better this morning.

post in relationships next time.

It's times like this that we need Vin. He'd know what to say.

It seems he needs to learn how to bring up emotive topics of conversation up like an adult. Saying 'You're racist for XYZ' doesn't help anything and only shuts down the conversation and I wouldn't get involved in that discussion if they weren't able to discuss it properly. Let it roll off in bemusement, just like if someone said the scar on your face makes you really ugly, when you know you don't have a scar on your face. It doesn't reflect you, so it doesn't matter.

Or ask him how saying like that is meant to help you become more anti-racist rather than more defensive? If you take the point of view that due to society still being racist means pretty much everyone has integrated some racist behaviours/habits/beliefs and discussing them to de-integrate them is one of best methods begin to address them, then one would need to discuss them as separate to the individual - as in XYZ is a racist behaviour because..., not that you are racist for doing XYZ which is emotive and will bring up defenses that block change. My DH and I often discuss race issues (and other related issues) from this point of view and it can be very enlightening when you take the emotion/guilt out of it.

Either way, the method of communicating needs to change.

bloody hell ITNG,I needed my sunglasses on to read that

Jeez, why would anyone bother to do that?

Fecklessdizzy

My DSs think calling someone Black is racist even if they are Black! It's just misunderstanding what the term actually means.

That's pretty scary brainwashing by someone. Their school? Their friends?

I call my gf a racist anytime she mentions the colour of anything or metnions a persons race, it winds her up immensely. It's one of the juvenile things I do to annoy her and ammuse myself.

fecklass it depends on usage though doesn't it. I find it racist when colour is mentioned arbitraily as was always done at my last job, they were a loads of racist. "Oh this big black guy was outside" or "my Asian waiter messed up my order last night" race isn't relevant in either of those sentances but the speakers mentions it because they notice these people as "different"

saying "you need to pick up my friend henry from the airport tuesday, he is black 6 foot 2 and has short hair" black then becomes relevant. If I need to point out a white tour guide in a group of japanese tourist, I am not going to say, uh that guy mid height, brown hair. I'll say the white guy.

That is food for thought lola....good logic
But it still remains tht some people simply don't think about what they are saying and that does not necessarily make them racist. I do think we throw the term 'racist' around too much and people often forget what it actually means and that can lead to a lot of misunderstanding.

My husband's aunty came over from Nigeria some time ago and called our daughter a 'half cast'
I did not take offense purely because I knew she didn't know that we do not use that term any more in the UK and also because I know she didn't mean in it a racist context. She loves her daughter to bits.
I have lived in several different countries with my work and the same applies to myself - I have been called all sorts that people here in the UK would take offense to (I am white btw) but you learn to seperate what might sound racist and weigh up if the person really intends it that way.