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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WTF!! Just been called a rasist by my own dh!!???

65 replies

Noibloodywellamnot · 15/08/2011 21:39

will keep it short and have namechanged as I know how these threads usually go!

Sitting watching a film and I say to dh "oh what have I seen that Chinese guy in before" Chinese being relevant as there are 5 diffrent people in the shot.

He turns and gives me a smug look and tells me I am sooooo rasist, I say what!! And he launches into a attack on how i am so obviously rasist?

I ask how the hell can that be seen as rasist, if I was asking what the White guy or black guy had been in before I would have used the description White guy/black guy so he knew who the fuck i was talking about.

As if this was not childish enough he then tells me I am definitely a rasist because I ALWAYS ask if he wants to order a chinky then I shout "chinky is here" when it arrives, I can honestly say hand on heart I have NEVER used this word when ordering Chinese food.

I am FURIOUS, just asked him why the hell is he married to me when he has that opinion of me because I sure as hell would not be sticking around if I thought that of him.

What's bothering me more is he is insisting i have said words I know I would never use, what's worse the fact he seriously thinks I am a rasist but stays with me or has just made up a load of rubbish to make me look like something I know I'm not?

Have just seen him in a whole new light anyway!

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 15/08/2011 22:06

Switch the word racist with sexist, homophobic etc. If it's not something you associate yourself with it has no power to hurt.

I think we are all a bit biologically predisposed to racism as it happens, because we are brought up to favour our more common neighbours, so there may be some anthropological basis for it. Doesn't mean you have joined the BNP and started wearing a pointy hat my dear :)

LuceyLasstic · 15/08/2011 22:06

he is obviously a nutter

leave the bastard

LolaRennt · 15/08/2011 22:07

Sounds like he wants to wind you up. NOthing wrong with saying Chinese (if he is chinese) to distinguish between that guy and three others.

Chincky is racist, are you sure you never say it on accident out of habit? If you don't tell dh to wind his neck in

MigratingCoconuts · 15/08/2011 22:08

Blush sorry, just seen your op...you have named changed for this!

Don't really understand why though Hmm

usualsuspect · 15/08/2011 22:09

He is obviously a narcissistic gaslighter

Ivortheengine8 · 15/08/2011 22:10

I would be pissed off too if someone called me a racist for no valid reason whatsoever. Is he trying to wind you up OP?
Or I agree with purple (my husband is black too) he is being a total idiot and needs to grow up.

I actually got called a racist here on mumsnet the other day because I mentioned the word immigration. The said person didn't know I have a mixed race child and my husband is of African descent. It does annoy me how people just label you without any reason though. It usually comes from people who know nothing about it or who are scared to be labeled themselves.

carminagoesprimal · 15/08/2011 22:14

It's racist - not rasist -

Original poster
Noibloodywellamnot · 15/08/2011 22:17

Sorry spelling has never been my strong point, so glad someone got a laugh out of it though Hmm

I know what he said is not true, it's the fact he has said it about me and not even in a joking kid on way.

No he has never said anything like this before, I'm not going to leave him but I am feeling pretty shit that he said it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noibloodywellamnot · 15/08/2011 22:18

Yes carmina, I've got that now thanks!

OP posts:
carminagoesprimal · 15/08/2011 22:19

sorry - I Xposted.

PeopleCallMeTricky · 15/08/2011 22:19

I would be upset too if someone who was meant to love and respect me had said that to me. Not sure why you are getting piss-taking responses though, is there something that they know that I don't?

LolaRennt · 15/08/2011 22:23

It doesn't make a lot of sense people seems a bit trolly

Original poster
Noibloodywellamnot · 15/08/2011 22:24

Not unless there is something I don't know either. I relay on my spellcheck for a lot but it did not help me out with racist.

Going to go and sleep with dd tonight, other people may think it's childish and pathetic but I am honestly hurt by what he said.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 15/08/2011 22:24

Don't mention the troll word fgs!

PeopleCallMeTricky · 15/08/2011 22:25

Christ trolls are so boring theses days (apologies if you are not a troll op)
If you are, try and come up with something better next time Wink

Original poster
Noibloodywellamnot · 15/08/2011 22:26

And theres the troll posts starting!

Good night all. Should maybe have put this in relationships instead.

OP posts:
ChumleeIsMyHomeboy · 15/08/2011 22:36

I'd just put it in the dustbin if I were you OP. Come on - this is just rubbish and you know it.

Original poster
Noibloodywellamnot · 15/08/2011 22:46

No it's not rubbish, don't patronise me. I was honestly hoping for some advice I am feeling down and wondering what the hell just went on.

I have gone from dh treating me like a fool to coming on here for a bit of support and being belittled for not being able to spell then told that actually I am making it up.

Going to leave it now, am actually getting upset about words appearing on my computer screen which is never a good thing.

OP posts:
purplepidjin · 15/08/2011 22:50

Leave the thread behind, NoI. I know what you mean, it's horrible having your basic morality doubted by someone close. Unfortunately, there's a witch-hunt brewing on here Sad

I used the term "half-caste" in front of DP in the early stages of our relationship, and he accused me of racism. I apologised, obviously, because it's an offensive term (I hadn't realised how offensive, having only come across it in books). But it shocked me that he could think that even for a moment!

VelveteenRabbit · 15/08/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingergirl72 · 15/08/2011 22:53

FFS get a life!

EmmaRoyd · 15/08/2011 22:56

this is the kind of think my husbands says. I reply 'don't be a dick' and we move on.

EmmaRoyd · 15/08/2011 22:56

kind of 'thing'

Fecklessdizzy · 15/08/2011 22:59

My DP accused me and the DSs of facism when we said we'd rather walk the rest of the way to cornwall than listen to any more of his bloody Man Or Astroman CD ... We did get over it with time and the appropriate counseling though, so that was alright.

Seriously, OP only you know if you are or not and if you're not don't give it another thought. My DSs think calling someone Black is racist even if they are Black! It's just misunderstanding what the term actually means.

JanMorrow · 15/08/2011 23:19

dunno why people here are being such dicks to you..

I'd be really upset and feel a huge amount of injustice if my dp said this to me, are you sure he's not doing a jokey windup? If not then tell him how upset you are.. as for him making up that you've used a word you haven't, that's just weird.. have you confronted him on that one?