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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect visiting friends to help out when staying over?

67 replies

Maternelle · 12/08/2011 14:22

We have 3 DCs under 5, including DD2 who is 8 weeks.
Some friends who we haven't seen in over 5 years are visiting and they are not helping in the slightest. They don't even take their plate back to the kitchen!

DH is cooking 3 meals a day and we are tidying after them. I have tried throwing hints and even be a bit more directive, but nothing works.
I am totally fed up and will be saying something soon.
They live Down Under, so it would be a bit crap to fall out but I have enough on my plate as it is.

OP posts:

purplepidjin · 13/08/2011 19:58

When they arrive on Sunday, be at the door with coats on and keys in hand.

"We thought you'd like to take us out for lunch/dinner to show your appreciation"

lachesis · 13/08/2011 19:59

'I always offer to help out when visiting others (I don't like to be a nuisance), but I have no issue with anyone just having a nice relaxing time when coming to mine, surely it's part of being someone's guest?'

Yet you yourself help out at someone's home because you do not want to be a nuisance.

Original poster

Maternelle · 13/08/2011 20:06

I really am not expecting much. Putting your dirty mug in the kitchen has to be the most basic gesture really.

OP posts:

LolaRennt · 13/08/2011 20:11

Mummalish but you wouldn't expect to them to make a mess when you wern't around and leave it for you? I'm probably like you and do clean after guests when I've made dinner. but I would expect simple things like tidying after themselves when they are on their own. Especially if I had an 8 week old!

Chestnutx3 · 13/08/2011 21:25

I would definitely invent D&V bug for your kids that should stop them coming. Say you are all highly infectious and give them a name and number of a B&B.

cherrysodalover · 13/08/2011 22:46

What is it with Australians? So many threads mention them staying or outstaying their welcome- we had four we had never met before spring themselves on us for a week- it was very hard to get out of as we wereput on the spot whilst at other relatives.

A week?! When you have never met them- any of them.......
Not once did they think to go out and have a meal as a group and just give us a night off from serving and cooking for them.It was so bloody tiring ...they did wash dishes( whilst commenting on our system in a non positive way) and buy a few groceries but it still really irked me that they were so assumptive about having dinner cooked each day and being shown around on a weekend when we normally relax/do chores/do toddler stuff.

They will never stay again.

We now have two delightful 18 year olds staying and their attitude is so much better-as in being grateful, saying thanks and just not being so domineering in assuming we should give ourselves over to their holiday routine.

The truth is some people are thoughtless,insensitive and frankly cheap and they will be this way whatever they do.

oldraver · 13/08/2011 23:20

Now what you should of said was "help yourself to breakfast, I'm just going upstairs to see to the DC's, if you can just put your dishes ,in the dishwasher that would be great"

ChippingIn · 13/08/2011 23:32

The others are right I'm sure - but I'd just grin and bare it for the other 2 days - and don't have them back again. For 2 days I wouldn't want to cause a scene/bad feeling, because it's horrible to have people in the house after that... different if they were staying longer of course, but 2 days, not worth the upset.

Make sure all meals are easy and easy to clean up after - ie Jacket spuds with beans and cheese. Cereal for breakfast. Basic sandwich for lunch. Don't put yourselves out making nice meals etc.

ChippingIn · 13/08/2011 23:34

Forgot to say YANBU and they are incredibly rude!!! Kind of thought it went without saying...

QuintessentialShadow · 13/08/2011 23:39

Hand them a bill for bed and breakfast when they leave.

Thumbwitch · 13/08/2011 23:55

Cherrysodalover - I remember your thread on here about them - did you mention anything to them in the end?

Tenacity · 14/08/2011 05:34

You know they are taking advantage, and they know they are taking advantage, so ask them to do do the tasks that need doing.

For all you know they could be laughing behind your back and marvelling at how much they are 'geting away with'. I think being honest is best too.

Tenacity · 14/08/2011 05:36

'getting away with'

joric · 14/08/2011 09:52

So, have they helped OP?!

joric · 14/08/2011 09:53

Or do they only come back today? I've got a feeling you still have 2 more days to come?!!

HipHopOpotomus · 14/08/2011 10:36

They are taking this piss, loudly and proudly. Kick them out - what on earth have you got to lose?

HipHopOpotomus · 14/08/2011 10:39

chippin. Why grin and bear it? They aren't close friends, they live on other side of the world and are hardly likely to ask to come back soon, and proper friends wouldn't treat anyone like this.

Set them free into the real world or spend even more time being their maid? Have you got Welcome written across your face op?

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