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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at them not accepting responsibility for this?

40 replies

MojitoTime · 11/08/2011 21:19

On holiday with DH, DSD, DS, DH's sister, BIL and nephew.
SIL and BIL had 10yo DSD for the afternoon as they were going swimming and she wanted to go too. DH was doing some watersports thing and I was pottering about with DS.
We were supposed to be meeting at about 6.15 for dinner and I was in the villa waiting for DH to get back when I get a phone call from a lady who works for the holiday park saying that they have DSD as she was lost, so they are keeing her in a session at the kids club but I must go and collect her "as soon as possible" (said in stern voice). So I got ds in the buggy and ran all the way to the kids club to get her (quite far, was sweating when j got there), kids club were annoyed, had to apologise profusely, DSD was very upset, so I gave her a massive cuddle and we went for a drink.
At this point neither SIL or BIL has let me know that she was even missing! According to DSD they were all on their bikes and she was behind with her cousin (he's 14). She stopped to look at her foot cos it was hurting and nephew didn't realise and cycled off. She couldn't see where he went so she got a bit upset and some employees took her back to the main area.
Anyway managed to let DH know by this point he knows what has happened and we arrange to meet at a restaurant. When they turn up (BIL, SIL, DH and nephew), none of them seemed at all bothered (apart from DH obviously) and they just sat down and said "oh well at least you've been found".
They seem to think it was DSD's fault. I feel it was their responsibility to be looking after her, and I also feel that they owe DSD and DH and me an apology.
Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Original poster

MojitoTime · 11/08/2011 21:21

Apologies for mistakes/spelling/grammar/text speak - I am on phone )

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2011 21:23

If she was just on the grounds of the holiday park and they genuinely just 'mislaid' each other, I wouldn't say they were BU not to have an all out panic.

I agree they should have told you and kept a better eye on where your DSD was, but I don't think it was too bad in the scheme of things.

Were there other things your SIL/BIL did that got up your nose?

cookielove · 11/08/2011 21:24

That is so sad for dsd, she must have been really scared. Yes i think an apology is on order for you and your Dh, and most importantly Dsd

Sharney · 11/08/2011 21:29

If I'd lost my niece like that I'd probably had a minor panic and contacted both staff and bil/sil. YANBU to wonder why on earth they didn't. I really understand your anguish but I wouldn't bother them about it as it may ruin the holiday. Just make a mental note, they can't be trusted. Sorry.

Original poster

MojitoTime · 11/08/2011 21:30

No not really done anything else to annoy - I know she would have been safe and it was just the grounds of the holiday park but it's pretty big (centerparcs) and confusing for a 10 year old, and I just thought they would have had more compassion to at least give her a hug or something.
Also on a personal note, I was pissed off at having to jog across a forest with a buggy and be judged by the kids club staff and not even receive a simple "sorry"

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 11/08/2011 21:31

Was this all in the grounds of the park? She is 10 you say?

redexpat · 11/08/2011 22:52

YANBU. If you're in a group you always check over your shoulder to make sure you have everybody. If not you wait 5 minutes for them to catch up, and then go back to find them if they haven't shown up. Or should this be posted in the 'things you assume everyone knows' thread?

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 00:13

how upsetting! how will you be ale to trust them again?

pictish · 12/08/2011 00:17

Ach...yab a bit u tbh.

It's no biggy really.

ChrisPBacon · 12/08/2011 00:25

Yabu to holiday with relatives, or indeed anyone else other than yr family. But you know that now.

YANBU to be mighty pissed off at treatment of 10 yo, poor kid, by relatives.
Good thing was that employees were looking out for her even if the others weren't. Maybe they are used to arses doing that to their kids, don't like it, and assumed it was you who offloaded her. Leave it vis a vis employees, but dump relatives for future events.

unpa1dcar3r · 12/08/2011 08:35

TBH I can't understand why the staff in the club were so put out. They must get this sort of thing all the time, par for the course. Kids wandering off etc.
But for her parents to not notice her missing is a bit odd! Surely once they saw she was missing they should've been cycling all over their tracks to find her.

ChrisPBacon · 12/08/2011 08:43

I think it's Mojitos DSD

TheSkiingGardener · 12/08/2011 11:05

What would they have done if she hadn't been with you? Just turned up and said, whoops, we lost your DSD, never mind eh?

bubblesincoffee · 12/08/2011 11:43

I think they have behaved disgustingly.

Is there any chance they know that they were irresponsible to have let her get lost and they are just covering up embarrasment?

FakePlasticTrees · 12/08/2011 11:49

Nope, they have behaved terribly. When the kids are in bed tell them you are really disappointed that they didn't bother to look after DSD when she was in their care. Tell them you're not interested in an argument on holiday, but of course they will understand that you won't be leaving either child with them in the future as they don't seem to think it's important to actually look after them.

And obviously, don't go on holiday with them again.

FriskyMare · 12/08/2011 11:50

I'd be furious, your poor DSD must have been scared, Center Parcs are huge and can be quite confusing with all the different areas (have got lost there myself on occasion). But as you are on holiday together, best to let it go but not let them "look after" her again.

chipmonkey · 12/08/2011 12:14

Center parcs are massive! Also they are very foresty so for a 10 year old to be lost in one is quite scary. YANBU, I would be very upset too.

Cheria · 12/08/2011 12:21

I understand their point of view, but they should also try and understand yours, and apologise. Lesson learned for everyone.

RosemaryandThyme · 12/08/2011 12:30

I think DS sounds a bit babyish - at 10 getting very upset at being taken to a fun little kids club to wait for mum to collect, not having the common sense to ask a member of staff for help or cycle her way to a central point, surely she can read one of the many basic site maps that are along the cycle routes at centre parcs???
Maybe you need to concentrate on developing her srteet-wise skills rather than blaming others, crikey how is she going to cope in a years time when she might have to get a bus to secondary school....

unpa1dcar3r · 12/08/2011 12:36

That is assuming Rosemary that she is NT I think it's called on here.
My boys wouldn't have a bloody clue if they got lost, can't read, won't ask, wouldn't know even how to ask and would never ask a stange person they don't know but that's cos they're severely disabled.
However my younger daughter at that age would also have been terrified as she's fine.
Depends on the child and their capability.
They should've still kept a much closer eye on her though, she is only a child. Anything could've happened.

naught · 12/08/2011 12:41

Yabu imo sorry. DSD is 10, she should be more the capable of asking for directions back to your appt, if she couldn't remember where you were staying. Most 10yr olds would of coped just fine.

Taffybird · 12/08/2011 12:49

My god - in your shoes I'd be absolutely shaking with fury! I can't believe they didn't contact you immediately. If I lost my nephew on holiday I'd be mortified. They didn't even come back to look for her? That's disgraceful. Poor kid must have been distraught.

Well, lesson learned. They can't be trusted. At least you know for future reference who not to ask when you need a babysitter.

Salmotrutta · 12/08/2011 12:53

But the poor kid must have felt upset that they didn't even bother to wait for her or come looking. That gives the impression that they weren't bothered about her being with them or not.

Maiavan · 12/08/2011 12:57

Yanbu, imagine if something had happened. Could you imagine the drama and judgement. Never say never!

ScarlettIsWalking · 12/08/2011 12:59

I would have hit the fucking roof. Poor child that must have been so frightening. Of course they need to take responsibility she is 10!

Disgusting

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