to not let him visit the house on our daughter's birthday - LONG

[TalesOfTheUnexpected]

I'll try to keep this brief:

• seperated 3 years ago (my call), divorced for 2
• I stayed in house, he went into rental until he had a breakdown. Now lives with his father
• 3 kids. One of whom has a birthday today
• Handover of kids for access visits has always been done at a neutral point (not the family home) due to the fact I'm intimidated by him. He sees the kids once every 4-6 weeks although he could see them more if he wanted.

Today is our daughters birthday. For the past 2 years, he has seen her on the nearest weekend to her birthday. He just rang asking to drop round with a present tonight.

I said absolutely not. The kids seeing him in MY enviornment, our home, woud just confuse them as it did do in the early days of seperation. "Why can't Daddy come in?", etc.

He said IABU. I am sat "in his house, with his kids" and he has nothing. I pointed out our son had chemotherapy today and will be spark-out on the sofa in about an hour so no, I did not want him coming to knock on the door. I also said it's been 3 years since we split up and he should be dealing with this better by now.

I said, "it's half term, take some time off from work tomorrow and I'll drop the kids off/pick them up from wherever you want".

The ball is now is his court. I feel for him but AIBU in not letting him come to the house tonight?

cestlavielife FIL is always around when visitation occurs. I have never feared for the children at all, more for my own safety really. I don't think ex-h would harm a hair on their heads tbh. He never laid a finger on them. I'm just uncomfortable in his presence.

I have 2 Social Workers: one because of the cancer (so hospital social worker), one local social worker, and I am in touch with the Children with Disabilities Team. I get a lot of support. We have a carer for 10 hours a week so I get a bit of time to myself. I can't complain really. The care provided by the Council is second to none.

When my son is in hospital, my family pull together (I have brothers and sisters). We manage really well. It's a lot easier now he's only got a year of treatment to go. He doesn't get ill as much.

sounds like you have it covered, I hope treatment goes well.

stick to your boundaries though .

my dds happierwith knowing he wont come in house again tho DS with ASD/SLD doesnt really understand why not. he does soemtimes drop things on doorstep though.