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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say 'no' to dd (12) - wants to dye her hair.

34 replies

spudulika · 09/08/2011 13:03

she went out and purchased a plum colour dye - permanent. Insisting she should use it on her dark brown hair. I've said 'no'. She's only just turned 12 and I don't want her to damage her hair or do anything which makes her look older than she is.

She furious and has started a full on campaign to wear me down. 20 minutes of aggressive pleading yesterday and she's started on it again this morning.

Am starting to lose my sense of what's sensible and what's not for girls of her age.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 09/08/2011 13:05

I think she is too young to mess with dye but if you were to allow her to try it, the holidays might be a good time and use a temporary rinse that will wash out.

worraliberty · 09/08/2011 13:06

Compromise and let her use a semi permanent colour?

squeakytoy · 09/08/2011 13:07

Let her put a temporary colour on. That wont do her hair any damage.

At her age I was experimenting with Sun-In... my lovely brunette locks went a disgusting shade of orange Grin... sadly I thought it looked great!

vegetariandumpling · 09/08/2011 13:08

The thing is, once you start with hairdye it's really hard to stop. I definately don't think yabu.

worraliberty · 09/08/2011 13:08

That lovely shade of orange nowdays would clash with most young girls skin colour Grin

debivamp · 09/08/2011 13:09

i first dyed my hair when i was 13. tell her she will have to wait till then but allow her to use semi perm in the mean time.

I have to say that i new plenty of 12 year olds with permed hair when i was younger.

kittensliveupstairs · 09/08/2011 13:11

Is the mousse stuff still available? It coated and coloured your hair temporarily.
My DD was very blonde, now she is a pale mouse and desperate to bleach it.
She's 10 Hmm

Original poster
spudulika · 09/08/2011 13:11

It's just she looks too old as it is

Nearly in a B cup bra already. .... Shock

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2011 13:12

Even if it is 'permanent' that plum colour won't stay for long, I don't think. I think 12 is too young and if she has a beautiful hair colour it's a shame. It will make no difference if you tell her it's lovely, her friends need to tell her that, although they might be the ones encouraging her to dye it in the first place.

marriedinwhite · 09/08/2011 13:12

Wash in wash out. Mine wants to dye hers too and that's the compromise. I have said that when she is 15 I will pay for highlights. Mine is a natural ash blonde and most women pay a fortune to achieve her hair colour!!!

squeakytoy · 09/08/2011 13:14

Well she cant help her boobs growing!!! I looked in my late teens when I was 12... some kids grow up quicker than others, and once they start growing up, it is very difficult to slow them down.

I would say pick your battles. A temporary hair dye is nothing.. wait until she is going on and on and on about wanting something pierced, or a tattoo.. trust me, hair colour is the least of your problems to come. Grin

borderslass · 09/08/2011 13:20

Not permanent no, my niece has been allowed to dye her hair since 12 because mum can't say no. Shes now 14 and her mum has been told she has to leave it for a least a year before putting any more on as it is being damaged.

Jenstar21 · 09/08/2011 14:04

Another vote for semi-permanent. I used those 'Harmony' wash in wash out things if I remember rightly. They give a bit of a coloured sheen without being permanent....
Now, I'd love to get away without dyeing mine, but as I started to go grey in my teens, I'm scared as to exactly how bad it would be now!!

northerngirl41 · 09/08/2011 14:08

Compromise and promise to take her for coloured hair extensions for the holidays? (They are a lot brighter and are super easy to put in/take out).

Failing that, semi-permanent or temporary is the way to go. Show her some nasty root growth pictures - they look awful!!!

purplepidjin · 09/08/2011 14:17

YANBU about permanent hair colour, YAB a little bit U about hair dye full stop. I was 12 when I first did mine, my mum refused to help me so I ended up with a red splodge on the top of my head for about a week!

She was so embarrassed to be seen with me, she helped me the next time - bright green, age 16 Grin

Glitterandglue · 09/08/2011 14:18

Compromise with semi-permanent, definitely. Once you start dying with permanent colours it's such an arse to keep up with. I'm lucky as a) I have short hair b) I use non-natural hair colours (i.e. green, blue, orange etc) so I'm not trying to stick to the same shade of blonde/brown/black etc anyway and c) my hair grows ridiculously fast, but even still I spend half my time with half-inch or inch brown roots. I don't happen to mind them much but as most girls/women want to dye their hair to look 'better', I imagine that's not the look she's going for.

Also before she does anything with any sort of dye, remove anything from the bathroom that is anything less than black. Designate ONE towel that will be henceforth used as the dying towel, and prepare for half your other towel to be slowly ruined over the years anyway. If you're very attached the state of your bathroom carpet you might want to agree that she can do hair dye but has to do it outside with the hose. Grin

Saski · 09/08/2011 14:41

I really don't agree with a 12 year old colouring her hair, permanent or not. I think it looks unwholesome. I'd allow a 16 year old some form of natural-looking highlights.

ll31 · 09/08/2011 14:44

don't see any problem with semi permanent / wash in wash out ones... its her hair!

SofiaAmes · 09/08/2011 15:03

My mother got lots of extra useful academic endeavors out of me in exchange for silly things I wanted to do when a teenager. I had to do a 3rd year of Latin in exchange for becoming a cheerleader (which I ended up finding very boring and quit after a few weeks...think I still did the Latin though). Can't remember what I had to do in exchange for getting my ears pierced....

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2011 16:30

Take her to you hairdresser and get them to read her the riot act.

If it isn't from you it might work.

Oh, and steal the plumWink

discobeaver · 09/08/2011 16:35

I would let her do it. It's only hair, if you dig your heels and make a big deal of it she will only want to do it more.
What's the worst that can happen?

TrickyBiscuits · 09/08/2011 18:03

YANBU to worry about permanent dye damaging hair (although nowadays they are mostly very good) A compromise with a semi-permanent is a good idea, although the pigment in these is often very strong anyway.

YABU to base this around her age, like another poster said, pick your battles here. She's growing up, it's a perfectly normal thing for a 12 yo to want to start experimenting with their hair.

On a purely practical note, a plum dye on very dark brown hair would only give a small hint of colour change anyway. I demanded to dye my hair bright pink at 13 so I think you're actually getting away lightly Grin

ZZZenAgain · 09/08/2011 18:04

the worst that can happen is probably going to be an allergic reaction to the dye or leaving it on too long

Kayano · 09/08/2011 18:05

My mum said no I did it anyway at 14. Lol

pilates · 09/08/2011 18:06

Please don't let her do it, it will ruin her hair.

The wash in ones are ok.

Are Toners and Shaders still around or am I totally out of date?

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