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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be petrified at how quickly life goes by?

108 replies

wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 13:25

Seriously, have been thinking about this far too much the last few years, to the point where it can cause shivers of fear to go through me. That's not normal is it? I'm 37. I consider myself a very lucky person with a happy healthy family with no more problems than the usual ups and downs of life. It's a cliche that the older you get the faster the years go by, but since our first dc was born I feel like I've blinked and 10 years has passed. So why spend time worrying about how much time I have left, and how to stop?

OP posts:
ScarlettCrossbones · 09/08/2011 08:38

I never used to think about this at all until - I can pin it down exactly! - I gave up breastfeeding my youngest and last DC about six months ago. The next morning I was standing in the shower crying, milk pouring out that was going straight down the plughole (didn't want to stop BF but I couldn't get him to stop biting me) - and just thinking "well, that's it, isn't it? My youth is finished, it's an unstoppable slide towards middle age now Sad."

Course, it would have been mainly hormones doing the thinking for me at that point Grin, but ever since then I've felt intermittently horrified at the passage of life - the only one we get. It absolutely stinks that I'm not 23 any more. My kids are still so little that I almost don't feel any right to feel like this just yet, but I am seriously bad at "living in the moment" - I frequently "talk" to my kids even though I'm not mentally present - am thinking ahead to a big long list of things I need to do - and I really need to start concentrating on the moment. Buddhist mindfulness and all that! Any tips gratefully accepted!

Ormirian · 09/08/2011 10:18

What makes me feel slightly panicky is the fact that at some point my children will carry on without me. They are the people I love most. The people who's life story interests me more than anyone else. And there's are the stories I won't read to the end (I hope!). It's a real heartache to me Sad And yes I know it's natural and normal and inevitable.....

Lunabelly · 09/08/2011 11:50

Ormirian - oh god...am blubbing...a beautifully sad - or sadly beautiful post. Sad

BurningBridges · 09/08/2011 13:30

This is me. Once I had DD1 now aged 10, I became very very scared - so this means one day I will leave my babies - I will die. I'm 48, so surely I have had at least half of my life, common sense etc. I've been pretty much terrified about dying ever since and have recently been posting about similar things on the mental health thread as I too thought I must be completely abnormal. The real point is, life is very very short, its the blink of an eye. Once you know what 40 years or so feels like, you can see very clearly how "little" time you have left. Ormirian explains it beautifully.

Original poster
wimpofawoman · 09/08/2011 14:04

Bizarrely I feel a bit better for writing all this down and knowing that others feel the same. Some of your posts are very uplifting. Today I'm trying to appreciate each moment rather than complain or wish it was the dcs' bedtime already, which is easier said than done when they are with me all day demanding this and that or being mean to each other! It's too easy to get bogged down in the constant mess and mundane things which have to be done, when really none of that matters at all. All to soon my dcs will have grown up and moved on, and yes the house will be tidier for example but I can never get back the time I should have spent enjoying them rather than moaning about trivia.

OP posts:
pranma · 09/08/2011 15:24

I am 67 but in my head I am 25.I look in the mirror and see the grey hair and fading eyes and wonder where the long dark hair and mini skirts went.I look at photos of my youth-so many people gone now -yet in my head my Mum is still telling me to stand up straight and auntie is saying I could lose a few pounds.In my head dh1 and I sing folk songs and drink cider in smoky upstairs rooms,dh2 is still funny ,healthy and alive,my dc are little and ready for snuggles.It's like that 60's Kodak ad,'turn around and you're growing ,turn around and you've grown,turn around and you're a young wife with a babe of your own.'
That's it really-life-we all get one and use it then it's finished and we make room for others.I cry for my mum still and one day dd will cry for me-but not,I hope,today or tomorrow :)

Lunabelly · 09/08/2011 16:07

Ohhh, Pranma - blubbing to your post as well.

You know THAT John Lewis ad? Fucked me up for life from the first moment I saw it...

Popbiscuit · 09/08/2011 16:39

OH NO! Don't mention the John Lewis ad.... I CANNOT handle it.

PenguinPatter · 09/08/2011 18:28

Thank god it not just me and the John Lewis ad - DH thought I was mad. It was beautiful but the toddler going through the tunnel and coming out a little girl was just to close to home.

I don't think I have fear of dying thing that many above talk of. I think it is just the fear that I am not making the most of the time and possibly fear I'm letting DC and DH down by that. Think the problem is I have this ideal picture of childhood and motherhood absorbed from somewhere - and the mundane and all the less than perfect moments are not covered in the ideal.

Oh well should get back to them all rather than being on here - would be a start Smile.

CheerfulYank · 09/08/2011 19:22

What John Lewis ad? Link!

Oh pranma ...that brought a tear to my eye.

Popbiscuit · 09/08/2011 19:31
CheerfulYank · 09/08/2011 19:56
Popbiscuit · 09/08/2011 20:26

There, there Cheerful. Brew

Portofino · 09/08/2011 21:01

Oh!

A1980 · 09/08/2011 21:52

to be petrified at how quickly life goes by?

Quickly? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does. Can you think of anything you can do that's longer?

A1980 · 09/08/2011 21:58

Also, I watched the John Lewis ad and it made me sad in a completely different way.

I'm single and will prob never had children now at 33 and with known fertility issues. While seeing that ad makes you realise they grow and move away and you get old, you lot actually have that. I would love my own little family to raise and see grow and develop and have families of their own. Someone you met at uni, marry, have a family with, etc.

If you were to make a John Lewis ad about my life, it would be wandering around alone until old age wondering what to do. That's much more chilling and depressing that having your children grow up. You all need a kick up the butt and need to realsie that what you have is something to be in awe of, not be depressed about.

Portofino · 09/08/2011 22:22

A1980, I don't think anyone said they were depressed about it. I think the point is more that when you HAVE children, the saddest thing ever is thought of leaving them.

You are 33. Your life is not finished yet. I had dd at 35 and got married at 37. And there are plenty of people older than me doing these things. You have plenty of options to explore still.

A1980 · 09/08/2011 22:51

You are 33. Your life is not finished yet. I had dd at 35 and got married at 37. And there are plenty of people older than me doing these things. You have plenty of options to explore still.

I know, I know. But I don't really to be an older mother. My mother was a much older mother and I never ever got to know her young. I don't want children i have to only ever know me over 40. I wish I'd had them in my 20's but i wasn't with the right person.

Portofino · 09/08/2011 23:17

I was brought up by gps who were early 40s when I was born. I am early 40s now with a 7 yo and it is entirely different. I am no old fogey. My dd is happy as larry. Don't write yourself off just yet.

CheerfulYank · 10/08/2011 03:03

But 40 is nothing these days, A1980 ! Have you looked into going it on your own?

sue52 · 10/08/2011 10:06

Time does seem to speed up as you get older possibly because we have so many memories. There are compensations. I find myself more in love with Dh now than when we married 30 years ago, we can afford better wine, holidays and our daughters are great people of whom we are proud. I also don't give a damn what other people think of me anymore and that is a great thing. There will one day be an end to my life but until that time I will do my level best to keep happy and not worry about things I have no control over.
A1980 I was a mother again at 44. Those trips to Top Shop with my teenage daughter help keep me young(ish).

StagnantRabbit · 10/08/2011 21:18

This thread is just how I have been feeling since DS was born 4 years ago... that's when the realisation hit and I've thought/pondered the passage of life at least daily ever since. I've been desperate to find a way to slow life down but to no avail. I wondered if time slowed down if things weren't going well of if a miserable/difficult time was being had.... but DP who has spent a period of time in prison says that even when you're locked up, time zips by. If anyone has any life-slowing tips, please post!

Sorry for jumping on the thread late - I wanted to read all the posts before I posted.

CheerfulYank · 10/08/2011 21:27

I think just not rushing around and really remembering everything, Stagnant . It's so cliche, but really looking at the colors of the flowers, etc, is helpful.

A1980 · 10/08/2011 22:31

But 40 is nothing these days, A1980 ! Have you looked into going it on your own?

I know 40 isn't old but I have fertitily issues: prolactinoma. I also can't afford to go it alone Sad

wompoopigeon · 10/08/2011 22:45

I must be the only person on MN who is enjoying getting older! I am more confident, I know myself better and I have less patience to do things I don't want to do.
I don't feel life whizzing past at all. It's not that I'm relentlessly happy, more that I don't freak out that years are passing in some out-of-control way.
I sat with someone this year as they died. It is not that scary honestly. We all just need to hang onto the carpe diem feelings, but why so much anguish? I don't want to live for ever. I would be knackered.