Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be petrified at how quickly life goes by?

108 replies

wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 13:25

Seriously, have been thinking about this far too much the last few years, to the point where it can cause shivers of fear to go through me. That's not normal is it? I'm 37. I consider myself a very lucky person with a happy healthy family with no more problems than the usual ups and downs of life. It's a cliche that the older you get the faster the years go by, but since our first dc was born I feel like I've blinked and 10 years has passed. So why spend time worrying about how much time I have left, and how to stop?

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 08/08/2011 14:42

How amazing that so many of us feel like this and people so rarely discuss it. Good thread.

Original poster
wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 14:42

Bulletwithaname you are ahead of me - at 23 I still had my head firmly in the sand!

Hope I haven't depressed you all.

OP posts:
Original poster
wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 14:46

Interesting about the new activities thing - I sort of agree but actually my life has had too many changes if anything. For the last 10 years we have moved every couple of years so i find myself dividing life up into chunks which feels a bit weird. Also my "constant" friends tend to be the ones I met at uni (or even a couple from school days) and although I've met a lot of people since then, the relationships haven't had time to acquire much depth.

OP posts:
wildfig · 08/08/2011 14:49

I think there are definitely periods in your life when you're more aware of time passing than others. I'm 37 and don't have children, so I'm constantly aware of a big Countdown style clock just on the periphery of my vision, not sweeping away the minutes of my whole life, just the next three years or so. After that, if I haven't had children and don't seem likely to, I wonder if that sense of the weeks slipping by so quickly might feel less acute?

On the other hand, not having kids means there are fewer temporal milestones - I don't notice birthdays clocking up, or socks getting bigger, or Christmases coming round so much. So it's a bit of shock to find I'm 37, really, when in my head I'm still about 32.

hokeycakey · 08/08/2011 14:54

thanks so much for starting this thread! I have just turned 30 and I feel the same, sometimes I am so fearful about the inevitability of it all, even if I watch a history program or something it sets me off.... all these people that have lived and died and what it all means

I was brought up a strict christian but no longer attend church and am not sure about my faith, my parents strongly believe in eternal life after death and my dad has literally been telling us he can't wait to die since we were little! All very odd, I think I still have a niggling fear that I am wrong and will go to hell when I die and will be responsible for the same happening to my children wow that's pretty heavy!

My grandma is 84 and it makes me so sad when she says she is not sure she will be here next Christmas, I don't know how people deal with death being so close.

BustySinclair · 08/08/2011 14:56

my mum was 81 yesterday. I think she is coming to terms with the fact that she isnt going to be around a lot of years longer :( I think in her head she is still 60, its just the body that isnt playing ball :) She makes me laugh when she sees someone on telly or in the street (probably younger than she is) and calls them "that old dear" When my dad died at 70, i think she thought that was it, especially as her mum had died at the same age. She is still fit as a flea though and has all her marbles so fingers crossed.

Original poster
wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 15:05

Hokeycokey I feel exactly the same when I watch history programmes!

Wildfig, I'm not sure if having children makes things go faster or slower. My friend, however, went through what you are describing - she had a few years of wondering whether she would have children, then accepted somewhere in her mid 40's that it would not happen and was much more content and could enjoy the present rather than counting the years so much. You of course still have time for dcs though.

Bustysinclair DH's gran used to tell people of 85 or so that they were "not old yet"! She was happily in denial until she died at 88.

I still feel the same as when I got married I would say - I was 25. Then I realise that I'm the oldest out of all the people I'm talking to at school, gulp.

OP posts:
Portofino · 08/08/2011 15:24

.

BulletWithAName · 08/08/2011 15:26

Hahahaha no wimpofawoman you haven't, I think it's since I've had kids that my life seems to be flying past and there's nothing I can do to stop it!

happystory · 08/08/2011 15:35

I fret about this (utterly pointless I know) Have just passed the big 50 mark so have been thinking about ageing, a lot. The kids have grown up so fast. The baby and toddler years seemed endless, the rest has just whizzed by. But I think, as someone wise said earlier, that it's a case of enjoying the different stages. I miss the kids as they were when they were little but they are such entertaining young adults, and we can do so many different things together now.

I occasionally get a bit misty eyed about grandchildren but ds is only 19 and looks at me with sheer horror Grin

wicketkeeper · 08/08/2011 15:44

I think it's all about attitude. Some people are middle-aged by the time they hit 30, some people never become middle-aged. My DF has always maintained that middle-age is 10 years older than whatever age you are at the moment. He's 75 now...

Original poster
wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 15:51

wicketkeeper that's a great theory!

I miss my babies and toddlers too, but also enjoy the stage the dcs are at now and can see that it's easier on me in some ways. I can imagine that the teenage years might go by in a different kind of blur. DH doesn't get it - on the day dc3 was born he was calculating how old he would be by the time she leaves home (he is banking on her leaving at 18 which means he will be 50).

I know what you mean about some people being middle-aged at 30. One of my friends just turned 50 and says it's much easier now as she's been 50 for years in her head. Hmm She went to rambling clubs when she was in her 20's.....

OP posts:
PenguinPatter · 08/08/2011 16:00

Time perception is very odd.

Individual days even hours can seem endlessly and unnecessarily long but then months go by so fast.

It has got worse since eldest started nursery with school terms - you have roughly 6 weeks then week or two week break as before you know it the whole school year has gone.

I aim to make the most of every day with the DC then bickering, tiredness ect get in the way and I worrying I am letting life slip by.

Original poster
wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 16:06

Penguinpatter I agree totally and do exactly the same. Especially now in the school holidays sometimes the days seem to drag a bit, and I'm waiting for DH to come home and entertain the dcs for a bit. Then I think how lucky I am to have all this time with them to do whatever we want (if they would just stop fighting and maybe give me 30 mins peace at some point during the day....)

And yes, I was just sending birthday greetings to a friend today and can't believe it's a year since I was doing exactly the same, when it seems like a week ago.

OP posts:
StoopidBint · 08/08/2011 16:09

I worry about how fast time is going too. And then I worry how on earth I'm going to avoid death until I'm a reasonable age so I can see all my children into adulthood.

StoopidBint · 08/08/2011 16:10

Oh, and I agree with time going faster when you have children at school - it's because the year is divided up into little chunks. Before you know it, another academic year has flown by. It's scary!

CheerMum · 08/08/2011 16:11

I was doing okay until i found my first grey hair. that's when getting older really hit me. plus, within two weeks of the grey descending on my head, my dd turned 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

where on earth have the past ten years gone? i mean, blimey, i've done a lot of different things but they are an awful lot of things that are exactly the same.

this may sound weird but i actually feel comfort that, barring a hideous accident, i am likely to die before my dh because he is healthy and exercises and i have spent most of the past 38 years talking about going on a diet.

livinonaprayer · 08/08/2011 16:13

Definitely time seems to speed by more quickly when you have children, think it must be because you watch them grow and change daily! My youngest heads off to school in September and having been a SAHM for 10 years it feels like the end of an era. My eldest is not far off high school which I find terrifying!!

Original poster
wimpofawoman · 08/08/2011 16:20

Cheermum I reckon I will also die before my DH but I'm blaming the fact that as a child he was fed organic chicken etc with not a processed morsel in sight whereas I grew up on a diet of tins and supernoodles. Amazing that I have any immunity at all really.

OP posts:
AbbyAbsinthe · 08/08/2011 16:25

I think most of us in their 30's and 40's feel like this. I read somewhere that once you have turned 30, that you think about death at least once a day at some point - which I think is true.

I tend to count from Xmas to Xmas - and the speed at which the year goes is horrifying - and gets faster every year. It is hideously depressing Sad - but sadly there is nothing to slow it down. Just make as many moments 'count' as you can.

chasingthedevils · 08/08/2011 16:41

ABBY I sometimes notice life seems to go quickly. But it does not bother me,

Burningcandlesatbothends · 08/08/2011 16:55

Can't believe I've seen this thread as I've been thinking the exact same today.(Infact I think about this most days!).
I was walking down a big high street today wiith my LO's and saw groups o women gossiping about what she said he said etc and I was thinking 'how can you take this so seriously when lifes so short'?
I'm envious of people who 'live in the moment' and don't seem to be scared of death.We have a good friend in our area who is in his 70's an he stilll thinks and acts like he's 21!He's very modern and knows everything that's going even to do with 'slebs' etc.
He's just won a battle with throat cancer and he and his lovely wife were celebrating for their lovely life that they'll have.Then she got cancer and within weeks deteriorated and has recently died.Sad
He still going out and meeting friends socialising etc and is putting on a brave face.We talk about life and death(bunch of laughs me!)and he laughs at me for being scared of death.He reassures me that when you get old you don't mind about dying as much and you accept it.He also believes in heaven which I don't know if I do(although I want there to be one!).
It's leaving dc that gets to meSad

eleanorwish · 08/08/2011 16:59

I'm in my early 40's, and I've felt like this from time to time since my teens. Sometimes have little panic attacks when I think about dying.
I just try and push those feelings aside, but they are always there ready to pop up again.
I always thought I was odd for feeling like this.
But yes, time seems to fly by, I can't believe it's over 20 years since I left university!
I heard once that time goes more slowly for children - something to do with their faster heartbeats - don't know if that's a load of rubbish!

Popbiscuit · 08/08/2011 17:07

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm 34 and thinking about applying to Uni. to do a second degree next year. I keep wondering if there is even a point to doing this? Am I too old? Does life just get faster and faster? Do energy levels get lower and lower by default? Would I have the stamina to begin a new, physically demanding career in my 40s?

My youngest is starting proper school in September so perhaps it's the emotional fall-out from my change of status as busy SAHM of little ones.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 08/08/2011 17:13

I'm a teacher. My life ticks by in a blur of school terms, half terms, end of terms, back to schools. Now my boys have started school as well, we're all on the same treadmill for a bit.

Colleagues have told me you really start to feel it when you end up teaching the offspring of past pupils. This hasn't happened to me yet, but it might not be many years off.

Swipe left for the next trending thread