I have lost my usual judgement and don't trust my pregnancy hormones, was DH ABU?

[SenoritaViva]

Got an email today from a friend organising a birthday weekend 2 weeks after my due date.

20 minutes later husband replies accepting on his behalf and saying I probably won't as I will have just given birth.

Last time I had an emergency CS and we don't know whether I'll have an elective this time yet etc. etc.

Actually I don't really have so much of a problem with him going away, I just think he could have chatted to me about it first; not asking my permission but sounding me out rather than just assuming I'll be left with the two children for the weekend.

Is it pregnancy hormones making me a bit sensitive (and have I been reading too much MN???) I'm not angry and certainly I don't want to start a fight but would it be unreasonable for me to point out that maybe that was a bit selfish not to talk it through together first?

It's not like the guy needed an immediate answer, it's in 6 months time!

I doubt your dh is at the (mumsnet favourite) leave the bastard stage yet, but he could do with a swift kick to rear! You really are not being unreasonable

I think you should send him out of the house and tell him not to come back until he finds one woman who thinks he's being reasonable about this.

Can't you arrange for your mum to come and not let on to him, so that you can stay on your high horse for longer?

I don't think your husband is evil - just a bit thoughtless.

If you have a CS you might be in for 4-5 days - the baby might break his collar bone and be crying/feeding non stop, you might get a scar infection and be rehospitalized 7 days after the birth, you might get severe mastitis and be rehospitalized again 14 days after the birth.

I sincerely hope not, but he needs a reality check. Run the idea past your midwife whilst he's there and see what she thinks!

Wow, another clanger from FabbyChic. I pushed when I was "told to" & ended up with second degree tears. And my baby often still wakes up every 2 hours at 11 weeks now, so I am utterly exhausted. Your sweeping statements are quite ridiculous.

TBH i'd be annoyed if my H did that anytime!!! where the hell does he get off assuming that you're not going but are happy to provide childcare while he does???

i don't think he's necessarily BU to want to go, or even to end up going but to reply without discussing with you first would have me raging! i think it's really disrespectful and i would never do that to my H...

LOL at not being tired 2 weeks post-birth

Just a friendly warning that having two is nothing like having one.
My DS1 was two when DS2 was born. XP was busy playing cricket that weekend .
I arrived home on the Friday after giving birth on Thursday night (and not getting any sleep in the nursing home). Spent weekend trying to cope with a one-day-old baby who stayed up all night and a two-year-old who was up all day.
By Sunday morning I was going mad from tiredness and was in floods of tears. And that was after an easy birth.

Another FabbyChic pearl of bullshit...

I do love Fabby sometimes though !!

I was lucky enough to "be up and about" fairly quickly too, - but it's not for everyone. I am five foot nothing, had 9pound plus boys but apparently have a bucket crutch am surprisingly resilient.

I don't blame your DH for hoping "oh, she'll be fine" but he should have considered past experiences and been more thoughtful.

BTW I don't think many DHs would be ready for an MN Word !!

I pushed at the right time, Fabby, but no-one passed DD the memo and she had her hand on her head necessitating an episiotomy which then lost stitches and became infected.

I love the way some people think their birth experience is the low water mark and everyone else's must be at least as easy, or they've done something wrong!

Pre-DD's birth one of DH's friends was putting us both under a lot of pressure to go on a walking holiday to Snowdonia (!) two weeks later. He wouldn't let it lie when DH said no, and kept ringing to ask again and again why we weren't coming, and why couldn't we, and they hadn't seen DH in ages, and implying he was under the thumb. It was upsetting, and caused rows, but I stood my ground. But in DH's defence he didn't know what to expect and said friend said one of our female friends said it would be fine (I've never dared ask if she really did, it seems most unlikely).

I think single / childless men do lobby quite aggressively for their childed mates to keep doing precisely what they were doing before, and I think it can be a real source of tension at the worst possible time. If you saw the Zainey troll thread I think that's what his problem was.

We have a rule that no one is allowed to answer for the other without checking first - so he's being totally unreasonable to answer on your behalf, but not unreasonable to want to go as long as he sorts out who's looking after you/kids beforehand.