So upset and cross

[lovelydaisies1]

We moved to our new house 2 weeks ago. From being in the countryside on the edge of open fields to a terraced house near town. I have 3 children and they're finding it quite tough to adjust. The road we've moved to is quiet and there's no through road so the kids are able to ride around on their scooters or so I thought.

This morning I got a really horrible letter through the door from 'a group of concerned neighbours' though I suspect it may just be a couple. Saying my children were not being supervised, were out of control, they were sending a copy of the letter to the police and social services and I was neglectful and being unlawful.

On tues the kids were out until 915pm but it's the holidays and we had friends over (one of whom is a social worker in childrens services! she thought it was great that the kids could play out) I just feel gutted. The letter said they were out until 910pm in failing light on their scooters being unsupervised.

I want to move. It's horrible to think people would think such awful things. My kids are lovely and really good, polite etc. They're 9,10 and 12 and were just outside the house, I was inside with the door open. I feel so upset but don't know what to do. The letter was anonymous which makes me really cross.

I dont think what your DCs were doing was a problem providing its not every night.

You said in your OP

"The road we've moved to is quiet and there's no through road"

Im thinking that because of that whoever sent the letter assumed that their peace would not be interrupted?

Again I dont think your DCs were wrong [or you] but It can be annoying to hear kids playing outside your home at that time of the evening.

Mine dont play out the front, but if they are in the garden I make sure they are in by 9pm the latest.

We had a very similar scenario where we used to live. We were in a small village, in a cul-de-sac, with a field/children's play area at the end next to our house.

We received a letter to "Dear Resident" informing us that this was a quiet road where people lived for "peace and quiet" - not to hear children playing. It was sent as though from the whole street, or at least some sort of committee. It turned out to be from one spiteful old sod two doors away who, in a seperate incident, hit my then 11 year old ASD son over the head with a stick because "someone had thrown a snowball at his door & all the kids were to blame because they all played out together". Obviously, my son was the one who couldn't run away as fast as the others. He even told the Police (who he had called & which backfired on him rather dramatically) that he "didn't care which one had done it, if you let your kids play out in the snow then they deserve to be punished" .

Basically, there are some c*s out there - but by no means presume that this spiteful little letter represents the views of the entire street. And please remember that you've done nothing wrong. As others have said I'm sure both SS & the Police will see this for what it is - a load of crap.

We now live in another cul-de-sac in another village where children of all ages play out constantly & it is seen as completely the norm. In fact, I do wonder if the families here own TV's at all sometimes .

I agree that you should contact your local CPO. I did when I got an arsey note about parking in front of someone's house (while anonymous it was pretty obvious who it was). Our CPO told me to bin and made me feel reassured.

We now live in a cul-de-sac and the children opposite play out until relatively late. Those little scooters do make a bit of noise if your windows are open, but certainly not enough to complain about. My DD likes to watch the children playing outside and I just hope that there will be some of a similar age to her to play out with when she is old enough to do so.

Nasty, vile, poisonous pensioners with nothing better to do, by the sounds of it. Keep your eye out for curtain twitchers.

I'd report them for harassment.

How DARE some complete strangers think they can intimidate their new neighbours, who they ought to be welcoming, into making your children abide by THEIR preferred curfew.

Makes me sick.

I am so so sorry - this must be really awful for you. Have you actually met any neighbours who you think are quite nice? Perhaps you could mention how ghastly this (cowardly spiteful) letter has made you feel to them and see if they have any reaction? They might well know or suspect who sent it and may be able to give you further insight into some nasty neighbours. My bro and wife moved a while back and were verbally abused by their neighbours about various things like the moving van taking up space. They felt absolutely awful until they mentioned it to some nice neighbours who proceeded to fill them in on how horrendous this couple were, how everyone in the street loathed them and how they had a terrible reputation in town for aggressive and unreasonable behaviour! I bet this might be a similar situ. Dont worry about the police/SS thing - just an empty threat and you can get some valuable advice from your social worker friend if you are worried. Chin up!

Its a horrid, cowardly overreaction, would have been a lot less intimidating if signed, so that you could have gone and spoken to the person involved. I am guessing some miserable old sod who basically hates the sound of children playing.

The one thing I would say is that the last few days have been very, very humid and it's been impossible to have the windows shut. There have been a couple of times when I've struggled to hear the telly over the sound of the neighbours' kids playing outside well into the evening. Obviously I haven't been remotely bothered because its clearly exceptionally warm and the middle of the summer holidays and I know that this isn't a common problem (and also frankly, why is my right to hear the telly any greater than the kids' right to get some fresh air - though I get that that's a parent's viewpoint not an old buffer's!).

That load of waffle is just to say that I think it may just be an unfortunate set of circumstances that has made the person overreact (hence it's so sad you can't speak to them direct). Anyway, enjoy your new home, this is just a very minor blip I'm sure :)

How ludicrous, it's lovely to hear of children playing out instead of sitting in front of a screen.

I think I'd be tempted to write a letter addressed to "concerned neighbour" detailing the benefits of healthful play, quoting all kinds of statistics, make sure you mention that you know it's just one trouble-causer and you won't be intimidated by a busybody, laminate it and put it on a nearby lampost or garden wall where they'll see it. If you catch someone reading it and looking indignant then there's your culprit :o

What interferring horrid busybodies, why can't people mind their own, they would be the first to complain if they were obese. They are hardly young children fgs, I am sure that when they were young children they used to run about without a care.

They aren't concerned - the kids are probably a bit noisy playing (as kids are) and they are trying to scare you into keeping them in. I would in passing mention to a few neighbours that you've had a sinister anonymous letter making threats and you are going to take advice from the police - and watch their expression carefully when you tell them!
Also which part of the country do you live in that the light is failing at 9:15?

Went to the police station on my way home from work this morning after doing a night shift and stewing the whole night. The police man was so nice. He basically said take no notice. He logged the incident as it was a threatening letter, gave me his card and said if anything else happens to give him a call and he'll come round but not to worry and he suspected it was someone with nothing better to do.

Lovely policeman. He even laughed at the part of the letter that refered to the scooters travelling at speed out of control!! Spoke to my sister in law social worker. She said they do get ridiculous calls like this sometimes but it would never be investigated, they would just think it ridiculous. Feel a bit better but crikey what a shocker. Massively upsetting incident at what was a bit of a stressful time anyway. Bastards!!

Glad the CPO was reassuring - and your SiL. You could of course do the 'letter thing' and put that you've spoken to the CPO and he's noted it as a threatening letter, and also spoken to someone in SS who has said its perfectly acceptable... That might get the nosy, interferring poison-pen writer to back off.

I know, I feel I can't just let it lie. My SiL said I should just make sure I don't change anything. Keep letting the kids out etc. She then suggested we buy some soft balls and have a games evening in the street. She also said we could get dressed up as chavs, really over the top with shell suits and stuff and have a bbq in the front garden with loud music, plenty of cans and shouting etc. Letting any nice neighbours know it was just a bit of fun but giving the letter writer something to really get his knickers in a twist about, that was the social workers advice!! Sounds like fun!! love my SiL!!

Have them for a sleep over in the front garden, put up tents and leave the night light on. Seemed to have set my neighbour off, it might work for yours. [grin}

op im a bit late but i work in cp and we would defo not take any notice of this. Id completely ignore it but at the same time get the kids to be respectfull about noise too,i dont allow shrieking for example after about 8 my dd loves agood shriek on the trampoline but i acn imagine how annoying it is fir my elderly neighbours who like any early night. As long as you are safe in the knoledge they are not making an unreasonable amount of noise then just relax.
Haha there are certainly worse things that 3 tweens could be doing to the neighbours these days

Ah this is such a shame. I can guarantee it's from one house who may have moaned about it in passing to another neighbour and got a "mm yes" type response, taking that as people agreeing with them.

Carry on letting the kids play out, as long as they're not screeching at the top of their lungs all night they're not doing any harm!

Do you have any neighbours you suspect may have written it? Have you made friends with any of them? They might be able to give you a clue.

I'd be amazed if it was more than one household involved, OP. Don't let it put you off. You've moved into a town, ergo neighbours, and there's bound to always be one.

Just make sure you don't lose the moral high ground - give your kids some ground rules about respecting neighbours (I'm sure you have already) and you'll be fine.

You know, I was raised in a flat over a shop - not much in the way of neighbours. When i was a teenager the Council moved us into a terrace - for the first time, neighbours. One of them tried to get a petition going to the council asking for us to be moved, saying my mum was a prostitute and her children were delinquents

We ignored him. Gradually my mum befriended his wife - was a great support to her when it came out her bastard dh had been abusing their dd. They left long ago; my mum still lives in that street, very happily, in complete harmony with her neighbours.

I'd also be surprised if it's more than one person.

I can't imagine any scenario where a neighbour had the gall to go to another neighbour and say "let's gang up against this young mum and her kids who're really doing nothing wrong", and not only that but that other neighbour agreeing to it!

We actually have the opposite problem in our neighbourhood (a group of 4 houses), where 1 neighbour is causing irritation to the other 3 with a constantly yapping dog, and only 1 out of the 3 prepared to do anything about it even though it is aggravating ALL of us.

I'd also make it a point of having friendly chats with the nice neighbours and telling them what has happened. I bet the writer has form for this kind of behaviour.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to play out as long as they aren't disturbing other people and they are not causing danger by playing in the road when there's likely to be cars not expecting them to be there. I doubt they were doing either of these things though...

I would suspect your DCs were annoying the neighbours and they have dressed their annoyance as "concern for their safety."

Are JD bug scooters really quiet?

My DCs just have the stainless steel ones with the tiny wheels and they make a hell of a racket. I could understand if someone complained about those.

lovely, I'm so glad you got a sympathetic and helpful response from the police. Hopefully now you're less upset and not questioning your parenting ability! They are of course being ridiculous. 'fading light' ? bollocks. If your kids were out in open country/park in the dark that might be different, but they were playing on their own street.

Anonymous letters are poisonous and cowardly. If I were you I'd go door to door, politely introducing yourself to the neighbours as the new family and letting them know who your kids are, under the guise of 'just so you know who they are when you see them out and about'. If anyone wants to bring up your kids' 'noisiness' or your 'neglect' then they can. But no one will, because whoever sent that letter is chickenshit. Basically, be so pleasant and neighbourly that you shame them!

We live on a through-road - with a huge park at the end of it! - and the kids all played out until dark during the summer. Bit hair-raising as they played cricket across the road - with a tennis ball - and regularly had to shout "car!" (like that larsen cartoon with the cows) and get off the road - eek. One neighbour wouldn't let her girls out - probably thought playing in the street was common - and was po-faced about it but not one person complained, mainly because all the children were out, the littlies and the teens. My road is awash with pensioners (alongside the young families too) and I expect some of them didn't like it but no-one said anything. I'm sorry you've had this cowardly letter but, really, take no notice - I'm glad you've had some sensible support from the police. It is wonderful hearing kids playing outside imo.

Do what my boss did when he got an anonymous letter about parking outside his house. Write an open letter to all your neighbours. Apologise at the outset for involving them all but explain that this is only because you received an anonymous letter and were unable to respond to the concerned party directly. Explain that you feel upset that you should receive such a letter and that your 9+ years children were only playing outside like any other normal kids of their age during the school holidays. He went on to say that he didn't appreciate receiving letters like this and that if someone had concerns would prefer them to talk to him directly in future.

The upshot was that several of his neighbours called on him to say how they were apalled that such a thing should happen and that they certainly didn't have a problem with him parking outside his house. In fact the whole close did ....except for one....and we all know who they were don't we. ;)

That's genius, mrsbiscuits!