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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset and cross

76 replies

lovelydaisies1 · 04/08/2011 17:44

We moved to our new house 2 weeks ago. From being in the countryside on the edge of open fields to a terraced house near town. I have 3 children and they're finding it quite tough to adjust. The road we've moved to is quiet and there's no through road so the kids are able to ride around on their scooters or so I thought.

This morning I got a really horrible letter through the door from 'a group of concerned neighbours' though I suspect it may just be a couple. Saying my children were not being supervised, were out of control, they were sending a copy of the letter to the police and social services and I was neglectful and being unlawful.

On tues the kids were out until 915pm but it's the holidays and we had friends over (one of whom is a social worker in childrens services! she thought it was great that the kids could play out) I just feel gutted. The letter said they were out until 910pm in failing light on their scooters being unsupervised.

I want to move. It's horrible to think people would think such awful things. My kids are lovely and really good, polite etc. They're 9,10 and 12 and were just outside the house, I was inside with the door open. I feel so upset but don't know what to do. The letter was anonymous which makes me really cross.

OP posts:
tartanbuggy · 04/08/2011 19:11

God, there are some mean-spirited, sour people about!

Anyway, thought you might like to hear what happened to my friend. She has a couple of boys - about 11 and 13 - who liked to play on the pavement outside their house on scooters and skateboards. My friend found an anonymous typed note through her letterbox complaining about the children playing outside the house and reminding her that this was a "reserved neighbourhood with many of her neighbours having lived there a long time". The note asked why the boys couldn't use the local parks and "preserve everyone's peace and quiet". It was signed off "This has been sent by a group of concerned neighbours".

My friend was so upset! However, she wrote a letter to "Dear all XYZ Road residents" with a copy of the typed note attached to the bottom. In her letter she explained that she had received the typed note through her letter box early that morning, she found it at 7:30am. She said how greatly upset and disappointed she was that people from a respectable neighbourhood could not have just knocked on her door and spoken to her face to face. She explained that she had already spoken to her boys the night before to say she didn't want them playing out on the pavement so much, but did not want to discourage them from playing outside and getting fresh air and exercise. She went on to say that if anybody had any issues then to just come straight to her. She apologised if the recipient did not know what it was all about but as the note was anonymous she had no choice but to give everybody in the street a copy.

She then made umpteen copies and posted one through every every letterbox on the street. Needless to say the "group of concerned neighbours" did not get back to her, but practically all the other residents approached/phoned her at some stage to say they hoped she didn't think it was them and that they had absolutely no problem with children playing on the pavement. Everybody was horrified at the nasty little note she had received.

She's not had any trouble since then and the boys, as they do, have moved on to different activities. Don't let the letter that you received worry you - it seems that there are people like that on many streets up and down the country. Miserable gits.

Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 19:24

Don't handle the letter too much, my friend had hate mail and they even took the stamp off for DNA. Some is a nasty yellow bellied coward who was probably disturbed by your kids playing out and have decided to scare you.

There are some real bottom burps about.

bananasplitz · 04/08/2011 19:31

dont be ridiculous, this isnt hate mail, just someone concerned for children

DeepPurple · 04/08/2011 19:34

Oh my word! Outside my house there are several children playing. They range in age from 2 to 12. The 2yo is supervised (obviously) but the rest are just playign and having fun!

Just ignore it. The Police won't take it seriously.

PhylisStein · 04/08/2011 19:38

I think this is a brilliant idea - in Bristol they are closing streets to traffic to allow kids to play.

scheme

Flisspaps · 04/08/2011 19:38

No, it's not hate mail but it is inappropriate and it's enough to make the OP feel threatened unnecessarily.

I would mention it to the local CSO - bring it to their attention before your miserable git of a neighbour.

tartanbuggy I love your friend's response to a similar letter, nip it in the bud straight away and letting everyone know that a spiteful sod was sending anonymous letters on their behalf!

nojustificationneeded · 04/08/2011 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kladdkaka · 04/08/2011 19:41

OP, I'm sorry but agree with letter sender, you are being very neglectful of your children. Children shouldn't be out playing until 9.10 with scooters. Buck up your ideas and get them a trumpet, a drum and a pair of symbols and let them play out with them till midnight. (11 on a school day):o

ddubsgirl · 04/08/2011 19:43

ingore them,had this when we moved in here,nextdoor have done nothing but complain all the time to the housing,got to the point we couldnt even go to the loo without them moaning about us going up the stairs!theres 6 of us in the house,the loo gets used often ffs,its ok for them they have a downstairs loo aswell as upstairs,we had carpet put on the stairs yet the still moaned,kids are told not to run up & down which 99% them dont,even housing officer has said there isnt much more we can do,we hear the neighbours other side of us but i dont moan!
shes moans if kids are playing in back garden,got so bad kids wouldnt play out there,we got them a trampoline back in april and shes moaned about that even tho she has 1 for her grankids!

Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 19:47

If the writer was concerned for the safety of your children, he'd have called 999 if he was pissed off at them driving scooters outside in a quiet road, they'd have written a letter.

For the record I wouldn't let kids ride scooters in a street at that time of night as they are noisy and will upset some of the neighbours. Footie yes, scooters no.

DuelingFanjo · 04/08/2011 19:50

speak to your social worker friend, I am sure she will reassure you that your children are in no danger. SS may call round if you are reported but they will be able to see through the bullshit.

WilsonFrickett · 04/08/2011 19:56

I think tartan buggy's post is brilliant, do that. I guarantee you it is one old bat who has lived there for a hundred years and can't bear to see young people enjoying themselves in case it leads to a spontaneous outbreak of fun. Cow.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2011 19:59

What sort of scooters are these, OP? I'm thinking of the older ones, you scoot along under your own steam. If they aren't like that, then they shouldn't be on the pavement at all. Why would your children be riding them up and down the road? I would say that if your children are out after 8pm, that's quiet time for most families and they should play quietly or go to the park or your garden, maybe.

I think that some older people see something happen (just once) and think it's the shape of things to come - and they worry. I can quite see how an elderly person would fret at the thought of not being able to walk along the pavement safely. I was always taught that you don't ride a bike on the pavement, you walk it, so I'm sure it's the same for scooters. Some elderly people also go to bed early and wouldn't appreciate a lot of noise outside keeping them awake.

I would go and visit a few of your neighbours, not mention the letter at all, but go and introduce yourself and your family to them. Be a good neighbour and let them know that you have intentions of being a good neighbour and I think that will be the last you'll hear of it. If there is one neighbour who is causing trouble, the rest of the neighbours will hopefully disquiet them and not back them up.

Good luck, OP, don't move already. That's not giving the place a chance.

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2011 20:02

Oh stop being so reasonable Lying Grin

Hang 'em high I say Grin

(good post though)

Original poster
lovelydaisies1 · 04/08/2011 20:05

Thanks everyone for your valuable support, reassurance and ideas of what to do. My brother in law's just been round and seen the letter, he was absolutely disgusted. He had the same idea of copying the letter and distributing it round with a response from me. Outing the nasty gits. He said I should speak to the police and my sister in law who's the social worker in childrens services so I know exactly where I stand. Still feel sick about it though, and sad and mad!! It's definately put a cloud over our new house. Think it is a place where some people have lived for years, they just don't want a family with kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelydaisies1 · 04/08/2011 20:07

LyingWitch, they're little jd bug scooters, push along things, no engines or anything fancy, quiet little skating things...

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 20:08

Those kind of scooters are fine, no problem. ONE neighbour is an arse.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2011 20:09

AgentZigZag... Hang 'em high was my first thought, obviously, but as the letter was anonymous, there was no way of knowing which one(s) were guilty... Grin

lovelydaisies... You could do that, you could also say that the letter has been passed to your brother who works for CID and it is being finger-printed. The perpetrator can expect a knock on the door anytime now...

Really, don't let this one incident cast a pall over your new home. Give it a chance.

culturemulcher · 04/08/2011 20:10

I can only echo much of what's been said above. You poor thing. I'm shocked at their way, way over protective interference. It sounds as though they're completely out of line.

Keep your chin up.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2011 20:10

Oh... I don't know what the neighbours have to complain about then. Very unreasonable complaint.

LittleSarah · 04/08/2011 20:15

tartanbuggy - great response from your friend!

I would hate something like that, I sometimes feel I rein in my kids too much just in case I upset anyone just a tad, I hate confrontation. So do your letter writers apparently.

I think you are totally in the right. I also don't think scooters are that noisy. I live in a quiet village and if children play on the green opposite our house I can hear them laughing and shouting sometimes but it isn't that loud and doesn't bother me in the slightest. Or my other (mainly elderly) neighbours. Everyone is very friendly and kind, I can imagine how tense you feel thinking your neighbours are the opposite.

But as others say it will just be a mean spirited couple I'm sure. Children playing outside on a quiet street is nothing extreme and is a good thing. Something may be not what you expect or your ideal scenario but that is life. You shouldn't be bullying someone into living exactly as you expect.

They are nasty and pathetic.

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2011 20:18

Ahhh it's a posters name.

I was wondering where the tartan buggy came into it Grin

I thought it was some kind of euphemism that passed me by.

ensure · 04/08/2011 20:25

How annoying for this to happen, you must feel as though it will spoil your new home. :(
Some good suggestions above though to make sure it doesn't spoil anything for you!

Miserable sod, the author of the note must be.

blewit · 04/08/2011 20:27

Just one neighbour who maybe isn't used to having dcs around. They'll get used to it. Don't think it's the whole street, it's one cowardly person who thinks they own the road.

Don't be forced out by them.

We had one horrid neighbour when we moved here. She has since backed down and pretends to be quite pleasant on occasion.

If it was a serious complaint they would be at your door, not delivering a letter in the night.

festi · 04/08/2011 20:27

I would do what tartanbuggy said her friend did. but would adjust the letter to say that your children will not be playing out untill this time on school nights ansd you can assure them as the nights draw in a more suitable time will be arranged for the children to come in and play.

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