... or am I being quite selfish?

[sleepaholic]

Ok I'm thoroughly prepared to admit I'm being selfish here, just wanted to gauge opinions first!

I'm a teacher in a secondary school so I get great holidays and I'm currently on my six weeks holiday.

I have a friend who lives about an hours drive away and is very heavily pregnant. She's more or less on her own, family don't live in this country, kid's dad doesn't want to know and I've been visiting most weekends to check that she's ok. A few days ago she asked if I'd go and sit with her between 9 and 6 monday to friday while I'm on holiday and my husband is at work, as she's worried about being on her own when she goes into labour. (another friend will pop in from 6 onwards).

I don't have any children so it wouldn't really be a problem, but I really look forward to the holidays for lying in, time on my own to sort the house/garden out, catch up on work etc. If I'm being honest I just don't want to give up most of my holidays. Please talk some sense into me to stop me from being such a selfish cow ...

Goodness, she is obviously feeling incredibly vulnerable - of course she doesn't need someone with her 24/7 - what other pg woman on Mn has that, anyway - but the point is that she feels so alone an frightened.

I think the NCT does quick intensives in some areas - it's worth a try. Also NCT is wort it for jining a Tea group once the baby is born.

Maybe she is the one who would benefit from MN - for dialogue and re-assurance from other Mums and woman who have already experienced the onset of labour. But you know, for the first few hours she's likely to be thinking 'hmm, was that a twinge? Could it be?' It takes ages to be sure you're in labour. Not like on the TV. DP and i went out for dinner when i realised I was probably in labour...

The time she may really need you is after the baby is born. She can't be discharged from hospital 6 or 24 hours after having a baby to an empty house to deal with the baby, feeding, looking after hrself etc etc.

You really don't sound at all selfish, you sound lovely. But I think she's going to need wider support from somewhere.

Phone her up and ask her who her birth partner is.

Get a list of things she should have ready and go through them one at a time, asking whether she's got them there.

I think it would be a really big help if you could go over there one day and help her clean the house. It's something she might not be able to do on her own and that she would find really useful. Make sure when you're there that she has things in the freezer, or a Tesco/wherever order set up ready to send.

I do think it would be frightening to think of going into labour on her own. What the hell happened to her partner?

And yes, get her to come on here!

What the fuck. Is she for real? If she's on her own surely she can ring you if she goes into labour.

The expectations I read on here are never any I've encountered in real life.

I have a friend who was on her own with her first child and she found it heartbreaking being alone on her due date ,just sitting waiting to go into labour . she still gets teary about it to this day and her child is 14 years old. She of course managed and had no post natal depression . I think it depends how good a friend she is , my friend was supposed to be my birth partner and she drove over here , at least an hours drive , every day for four days ,whilst i went through one of those annoying stop start labours . But i would do the same for her in a heartbeat .

She wants to drive an hour each way EVERY DAY and stay for the duration of a full working day until she goes into labour? She's nuts. Most people would not expect that of the baby's father for crying out loud - in normal circumstances he would be having to go to work each day, so no YANBU. She's having a child on her own, so she may as well get used to coping on her own. And as for being on her own when labour starts, that's what ambulances and taxis were invented for.

YANBU

If she is very anxious, a hypnobirthing cd/session might help her. They boost confidence and relieve anxieties around giving birth and give good techniques for managing the stages of labour.