To not like other parents helicoptoring my DC at the park?

[alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants]

dd is 3,
has been walking since 18mths, but due to balance problems when walking, looks like she learnt to walk last week. Dd gets up and carries on whenever she falls over, which is pretty much every 10 or so steps.
Dd is a climber, and a very confident one, will climb up the climbing frame (to get to slide, even though there are steps too) has been doing this on her own for months. Dd has no fear. Seriously she's skipped that developmental stage.
Now to the point..
In this lovely holiday weather, park is busier, with parents helicoptoring their children, and I am starting to notice said parents getting all jumpy (for want of a better word) when dd is climbing up, and reach out as if she's going to fall. (she is monkey child and will hang off a pole by her hands for at least 3 minutes)
Now I get that they want to helicopter their own child, but AIBU to not want them to try and helicopter mine?
And AIBU to not want to have to helicopter DC just to stop them doing it?

All you have to do is chat to other parents! This is a mountain out of a molehill.

Just get her to make and wear a badge for the summer (when at the park). I'm a great climber.

tethersend

exactly

OP, I'd be grateful if people were looking out for my DD, not annoyed.

My dd is almost 3 but looks not even 2. Other parents area always looking out for her. I am confident in her ability so don't worry about her myself but quite like other people's parents to watch out of her so I can sunbathe. They don't need to, I don't ask them too, but am happy enough that they do. No child is 100% safe however capable.

YABU
Many a time I have not known whether to be ready to catch someone elses child! One example, a mum left her 1-2 yr old climbing top bunks and jumping accross them accross a dormitory. I was a nervous wreck and would have felt very guilty if the child had fallen flat on his face.

I am more helicopter with my 3DS than I was with my 2DDs. DDs were more 'sensible'. I tried being more laid back but DS had a horrible accident and now I am quite nervous although getting better with time. I also lost 2 DDs in pregnancy which made me more overprotective. Saying that, I am not as bad as alot of people I know and sent them to camps etc aged 7 even though i was worried all weekend.

I'm not a helicopter parent (far too lazy for that!) but I definitely watch out for other people's children in playgrounds. I'm a teacher so find it impossible not to interfere. I often find myself in playgrounds praising kids for their 'good sharing' or thanking them for doing great listening!

I do understand what you mean though. I have a very small 5 year old (size of my 3 year old) and people are constantly trying to stop him as he scoots along the street cos they think he's too young to be away from my side! I know that people mean well though so I just accept it.

I read somewhere once that it takes a community to raise a child and I kind of like that idea.

Also in playgrounds I'm relaxed in lots of situations because, like you, I know my children's capabilities. But other mothers don't know how able my children are in certain situations so they do start to hover and interfere. As I said before, their hearts are usually in the right place so I don't mind too much.

An elderly lady stopped me the other day and said did I realise (in his pushchair) had the strap from a purse round his neck and was twisting it. I said I was really grateful she'd mentioned it, even though I was watching him carefully. I wondered at the time how many people on mm would have thought "what an interfering old bitch". I think it's a terrible shame that kindness and looking out for each other can be construed as interference.

I am the sort of person who thinks that the whole world is judging me, whatever I do (or don't do), and I can empathise with you, alowVera - and I think being a parent can make you very liable to this too, especially in your situation, where you know your dd is fine, but it isn't obvious to other parents - so no, I don't think you are being unreasonable, but maybe a bit sensitive.

tethersend there really is no need to be ridiculous.

I have already admitted that I am being unreasonable. Most likely due to not having looked at the situation from their point of view, and most likely got all defensive. I think I should get over myself and bite the bullet and actually speak to these parents, as some of you have suggested.

I do watch her, I am just not right next to her all the time as I do have another child. Think I need to get the balance right.

Good for you, OP

I clearly "helicoptered" the other day at soft play then. A little boy of about 18 months fell down into the bit of the climbing frame where I was playing with K. He got stuck and started crying so I freed him and gave him a cuddle to reassure him. Where was his mother ? Who knows ? She never did come over. It was as if she had dumped him in the climbing frame and just let him get on with it.

If I thought she was on here slagging me off for looking out for her son I would be very annoyed.

She may well have strong arms but she clearly isn't very good on her feet, and if you say she lacks fear (incidentally recognising risks ie having fear is a later stage of development than fearlessness -your dd hasn't skipped this stage she hasn't reached it yet) then I don't think you can blame the other parents for keeping an eye out....perhaps you should too?

People looking out for children's wellbeing? Tsk - the absolute shits.

I sympathise, op. My dd2 (19m) is a terrific climber, and more ambitious in the playground than most of her peers. Also, she's on the small side, so it can look quite worrying/ comical to see a small baby climbing tall apparatus, launching herself off things etc Consequently, other parents frequently hover or even attempt to intervene. I know her limitations/abilities and always ensure she is safe, and I suppose other parents hovering etc makes me feel slightly judged, as though I'm not attentive enough, when I do actually know what I'm doing. That said, I know they mean well so I try not to let it bother me.

Honestly - I am going to go against the grain a bit here. I think it largely depends on the child, but often it is better for their self confidence and ability if they are trusted to some extent, somewhere relatively safe like the park is an ideal place to let them explore. A lot of children - not all, of course - will only attempt things they can actually do, if trusted in this way from a young age. I don't mean where the risk is too great, but small falls, bumps and bruises are a normal part of childhood imo. Deboah jackson explains what I mean in her book 'letting go as children grow' - worth a look! So I can see your point op, though I agree I wouldn't be annoyed as the other parents are only trying to help. Oh and the people who are saying 'i helicopter obviously then as I interact with my child in soft play' - not the same thing! I think excesssive helicoptering usually means constant chimes of 'be careful'! 'don't do that, you'll fall' etc!

Also I find the ones who have the most accidents are the ones who have never been let off the leash - not allowed to explore, climb etc, because the moment a parent does turn their back - and people can't always watch 24/7 - they have no idea what they are doing.

Let off the leash ? I have a child not a terrier and yes i can totally see how having a parent guide you as you learn would be a total hinderance v's the if they break their necks they won't do that again school of thought.

Ok 'let off the leash' was a bit tongue in cheek, and i'm not advocating letting a child break their neck, did you read my post properly? Just that I think the posts making out that the op's style of parenting is a bit lac are actually a bit harsh, but that mainly - it depends on the child!

Lax

lubberlich if you don't have anything constructive to say, don't say anything at all.

Everyone else, - it is interesting and informative to see every one else's viewpoint, and I appreciate your comments. There are a lot of things that I hadn't considered.

I find it reassuring that some MNers understand what I'm trying to say, even if I went the wrong way about saying it and you have given me some ideas as to how to resolve my issues.

Some MNers have given me some constructive criticism, and shared the opposite view from my original post. And I am pleased that you did, because I knew I was unreasonable in my frustration. And knew that I would get a honest response by posting on AIBU.

OP