To not like other parents helicoptoring my DC at the park?

[alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants]

dd is 3,
has been walking since 18mths, but due to balance problems when walking, looks like she learnt to walk last week. Dd gets up and carries on whenever she falls over, which is pretty much every 10 or so steps.
Dd is a climber, and a very confident one, will climb up the climbing frame (to get to slide, even though there are steps too) has been doing this on her own for months. Dd has no fear. Seriously she's skipped that developmental stage.
Now to the point..
In this lovely holiday weather, park is busier, with parents helicoptoring their children, and I am starting to notice said parents getting all jumpy (for want of a better word) when dd is climbing up, and reach out as if she's going to fall. (she is monkey child and will hang off a pole by her hands for at least 3 minutes)
Now I get that they want to helicopter their own child, but AIBU to not want them to try and helicopter mine?
And AIBU to not want to have to helicopter DC just to stop them doing it?

I intervened the other day to stop a toddler running into the traffic. My sight is very poor and I didn't see the mum really quite close - nor did I have time to stop and look around.

I know I pissed her off. She sighed and tutted when I said, "Sorry, I just didn't see you".

I wanted to say to her, "I AM sorry, but you know this isn't all about you and your situation and what you think other people are thinking about your parenting. This is about me and a small child who I was trying to protect - not to help you out but because I thought I was needed. Turns out I was wrong but clearly not with malice. So you need to accept that your child has an relationship with the world that is independent of you, and not expect that your feelings be factored into every interaction".

And OP, you clearly ARE annoyed. Your opening post is very clear on that.

My mum used to do this to my son. It was bothering me because he wasn't very confident and brave child, he needed encouragement to climb or to try something.
But you are saying that your dd is very confident and doesn't have fear, so what worries you?

And why do you use the word 'helicoptering'?

A friend had a small "monkey boy" too and she would cheerfully say "oh he's fine" when people worried about him in playgrounds, until the day he stood at the top of the climbing frame, yelled "look at me" and dived for another bar, missed and shattered both his wrists, one elbow and a shoulder. God forbid some random might have been "helicoptoring" him and caught him before he fell!

Numerous children like Baby Peter or Victoria Climbe died because people minded own their business.

It takes a village to raise a child. At least these parents care.

yabu

i don't follow dd around the playground- i help her with bits that she finds hard- but when i am sitting on a bench i keep a close eye on her. if i happened to be close by and saw a kid that looked a bit wobbly, i would keep an eye on them. equally, if i was over the other side of a playground and my daughter looked a little precarious, i would be grateful if someone put an arm out to catch her just in case.

in my view, looking out for each others kids is just human nature.

i could never tell you how grateful i was to the kind woman who found my 8 year old daughter at the far end of a shopping centre to where i was. DD wasnt even crying but the woman, on instinct guessed that something was wrong and rescued her and found a security guard and stayed with her till we were found. different situation, same instinct.

be grateful that people have this instinct

I would help a child too, and would hope that other parents would help mine. I expect you thought you would get more positive replies on here though as people seem to look down on these 'helicopter parents' ,Ive never heard the term in real life!

to be honest i wouldn't mind, i mean what harm is it doing? are you worried that these parents are judging you? ds once fell on the climbing frame at the local park, he was lucky not have injured himself but i managed to catch him, doesnt matter how good they are at climbing i don't think twice about helping a kid across a climbing frame and i dont think about the parents as i do it either ita just instinct x

YABU

My DD is very good at tree climbing and will go up to the top of any climbing frame, leaving the other kids open mouthed at the bottom. When she was smaller she would get similar responses to you.

I was always nearby, usually clinging on to DS, who's younger. I would smile at the concerned person and say isn't she amazing, I've stopped feeling nervous now, she's been like that since she could walk, and that would stop them worrying. They knew I was nearby and aware of her. I was always pleased they were concerned, what a bloody horrible place it would be if people stood by and let a child fall off a climbing frame. When is it ok to interfere? 5 YO about to run into a road? Kid being dragged screaming down the street? The more we are all shut away, in our own little bubble, the poorer our lives become.

I thought OP was worrying about this holding her dd back and put fear for trying things in her.
I 've just realized after reading the rest of replies and the op that she worries about HER being judged!
We are going mad!

YABU. I never hover around my DD in the park and let her get on with it and other parents (who won't leave their DCs' sides for whatever reasons) also hover round my DD if she's climbing etc. I don't let it bother me because I guess it's their natural instinct.

by "helicoptering" i take it you mean looking after, which is what parents are meant to do. I stay with dd in the park to make sure she is safe and to talk to her, I don't like the implication that looking after your child is a negative thing to do.

The reason I don't hover is because my stubborn DD (3) does less if I do. If I leave her alone she attempts far more. I'm always watching her though (can't yet read the paper in the park).

People do worry about a small child that looks like they are going to fall. Particularly if the parent doesn't seem to be around / doing anything.

It is just instinct. Whoops, that child looks like they are going to fall - grab.

They have no way of knowing that you consider her a confident climber and are just letting her get on with it. They see a risk. They aren't being unreasonable.

She may be a confident climber, but she's three. She could easily fall on her head right in front of them for all they know. And for all you know. Even the best three year old climber is still just three years old. If she does fall, and I hope she doesn't, of course, but if she does, I trust you won't be doing an AIBU to think that the parents near my dd should have grabbed her when she looked like she was falling...

99% are probably not "helicoptering" their own children. They're not helicoptering your child, all they're doing is seeing a child who may be getting themselves into a potential situation and watching out. It's highly unlikely any of them are giving your parenting a first or second thought.

I found a little boy of four wandering along a busy road one morning, near a playground. Assuming he had wandered away from his mum and dad in the park and that they were worried I led him back to the playground to find it empty. I remember actually thinking "you know maybe I shouldn't do this, maybe his mum will be cross I'm holding his hand."

By complete chance I saw a policeman at the cashpoint opposite the park and managed to wave him over. The boy was too young to tell the officer his address but to cut a long story short they tracked his house over half a mile away. His mum was utterly unconcerned that he had been gone for over two hours.

We all have different views on parenting but sometimes instinct tells you to interfere. I think it's an awful thing when people feel intimidated from following their instinct for fear of being judged.

YABU. I think it's great that other parents are looking out for the safety of your child.

Having been in playgrounds for over 11 years I can tell you lots of kids get hurt, un-necessarily because mum is gassing on her mobile or reading a magazine. I don't helicopter a child over 5, but I watch from a distance and a three year old yes I'm right on their tail because the daredevils are the ones wasting valuable time and resources in A and E being stitched up.

@Paws experience of that parent :(

I think it's a mistake to assume the most confident children are not going to have accidents. In my experience, the confident climbers are also risk-takers (which you have said yourself, your daughter doens't get scared) and far more likely to just launch themselves into space, or try to swing accross some bars etc. I agree with the person who made a distinction between a confident 5 year old and a wobbly three year old. Helicoptering the first is bizarre, but keeping a watchful eye out for the second is entirely natural.

I must say that when my sister encountered this with my neice...she used to say "She has a congenital hip problem but she's very capable" Then people knew she was ok.

Ds2 is a very clumsy child and like your daughter, at 3 his walk is very clumsy and he falls over regularly, so much so that unless he cries I tend to just say up you get ect, but I can see why people get concerned for him. He is also a very good climber and could climb a ladder well before he could walk. I think it is kind of people to show concern for him and often think they must think I am a very lax mummy!

I am also very grateful to the mum at the beach who 'helicoptored' my ds2 when he got lost on the beach the other day, and took him to a safe place (ice cream counter). It was the longest minutes of my life, especially when I irrationally panicked when told he had gone off with a lady in a long top! But thanks to a mum taking notice of someone elses child, all turned out fine.

I'm with the posters who suggest calming down about it. And the ones who suggest you take the "you" out of it. I do mean that in a nice, yoga-ish way.

I can see you're already come round to that view, so I'm not going to try and persuade you - just flesh it out a bit more!

I really wouldn't take it as an implied criticism of my parenting skills. I have a theory that many people become quite shocked at the atomism, individualism, and un-child-friendliness of society when they have children. They/we then act in small ways to try and reverse this - and to signal their disapproval and rebellion from - these mainstream/majority values whenever they can.

The playground in the park is one of the areas where people with children can do this. Lots of mothers (in particular) will go to the park and try and "act out" the fact that they are not selfish and care-for-others, particularly other-children, in a general, non-specific way.

It's an act of bonding.

And in addition, I suspect, a conversation-opener: lots of mothers become quite lonely in the years their children are small - forced into situations with lots of other women they don't know - in a crowd with no actual established bond of contact. That is quite stressful.

So I must admit, whenever I spotted someone doing this, I'd chat.

And an anecdote to finish:

I was in one park playground once and witnessed a young girl, about nine, dressed only in tracksuit bottoms, surrounded by a group of other children taking it in turns to karate kick her. The girl was fighting them off, one by one, with some violent moves herself. The woman on the bench next to me also saw. It was eerie, and horrible. She said: "It takes a village to raise a child" and we both went over to stop what was going on, then found her mother. Who was, sadly, a little unconcerned, to say the least.

Sometimes, communities can be a very negative experience, closing down the capacity to be different, and innovative - something you run away to the city to escape from. At other times, they can be a lifeline - and the absence of a group - for extended support - can be painful.

I like to think that, generally, we try to be the best we can be, and the parents "helicoptering" in your park are probably signalling care, a willingness to connect, and so on, rather than disapproval. and that's kind of a nice thing.

What is all this 'helicopter' stuff I keep reading on mn atm? It really seems the mn soundbite atm.

Sounds like they're only showing a kindly interest because they are concerned. I am constantly amazed at how touchy some people can be

They tried to stop your small child falling off a climbing frame?

The utter bastards.

People like that make me sick.