Baby showers... urghhhhhhhh!

[passionforskiing]

I expect I might get bah-humbugged out of cyberworld if not the real world for this, but... am I the only person that squirms when invited to a 'Baby Shower' (gushed in my best New York accent)???

Am I really the only person out there that thinks baby showers are a grotesque Americanism (no offence intended to any Americans out there - you are entitled to your own culture, it works pretty well in America!)?

Surely, I am not alone in resenting yet another imported celebration of consumerism. Doesn't anyone else feel a bit abused when the invitation comes through, listing what should be purchased for the forthcoming arrival, when it should be handed over and accompanied by which food stuffs that will contribute to the party event in honour of as-yet-unborn-infant.

I love to buy my friends' new babies gifts when they arrive in the world. Waiting to hear whether the newborn is a boy or a girl and then seeking out something special that might be appreciated by baby or parents or both is loads of fun. A baby shower shopping list, however, is brash, unromantic and rather insulting. Or is it just me?....

My 'baby shower' involved tea and cakes, some balloons, and a lovely few hours with good friends. They all knew how long and difficult it had been for us to have a baby, and wanted to celebrate with me. It was lovely.
There were no presents at the party, they all waited till I had DS home from hospital.
I realise there are extremes, I have read of several 'fright-mares' on here, but in my case it was a great surprise, that made me feel loved and cared for.

Never been invited to one .

That's a much nicer approach. And waiting until the baby is born with no shopping list issued sounds genuine. I wouldn't feel irked about an invitation to that.

Ahhh.. bless you. That also makes me feel a little bit warmer! Perhaps it isn't the epidemic I fear!

Yep, it's bollocks. Presents should wait till the baby's been born.

Never been invited to one either. Mind you, I haven't been invited to a wedding for more than 10 years either!

Very presumptuous to expect presents. Let alone specify what you want!

I got quite a few 'practical' gifts when I was pregnant with/had given birth to DS. By the time I had DD I got none because everyone assumed I had everything from the first time round. Which I didn't really because it was 7.5years and a house move later!

But I certainly wouldn't have issued a list wedding style.

Never been invited to one and not sure I'd go. I like the sound of yours though justkeeping.

I've never been invited to one but would definitely go (and take pressie) if I was. Why not?

When I was pregnant I loved doing anything to do with planning the arrival of the baby, but none of my friends were pregnant or even in the maybe-baby zone, so DH and I just had to chat about it amongst ourselves. I'd have loved a baby party, and I'm happy to go along with anyone else's and make them feel special. It's fine.

If you don't like it don't go, but it's all just part of being a friend isn't it?

They are, apparently, not compulsory...

I used 'grotesque' because I think it is ugly and I absolutely intended to convey my passion about that. I am not debating the merits or otherwise of any culture, but making a comment about the importing of what might be seen as one cultural expression into a different culture. And I do think lists and expectations are ugly and obvious and they don't sit comfortably with what I feel is the culture that I have grown up in. I think I might be on the extremes in my opinion, which doesn't bother me but I am interested to see to what extent contributors here confirm that.

Never been to one. I do like the idea of a nice party before the baby is born with lots of friends together, as that's impossible when the baby is born, but I don't like the gift list element. I'd also rather buy something for the baby after it was born than before. I don't buy from wedding lists either though as a general rule. WRT baby gifts - I think it's the parents/grandparents job to buy things like breast pumps and car seats, friends buy lovely little outfits and cashmere booties IMO.

Thank you for that response. I really like learning about the history of where it came from and why. And setting up for a first baby when people were in real need, without lists, sounds lovely. It doesn't quite translate in the instance that I am thinking about but I really enjoyed hearing from you that introduction. Thanks. (P.S. I also did not have a wedding gift list for similar convictions).

LOL. I haven't been on here for halloween comments previously, I shall make a note!

I can't stand them either.

Usually it's flattering to receive an invitation - but somehow when a baby shower invitation lands on the doormat, I get that sinking feeling...

I'm leaving the Americans out of the rant - it's part of their culture, has been for years, and they often live much further from their families than we do over here, etc etc. That's not a generalisation that we in the UK all live up the road from our parents, but it IS part of the US way of life.

I love buying baby presents, but I don't like feeling like I'm being ASKED to do it. It just feels like the recipient expects the present, rather than appreciates it.

I have a friend who's had a baby shower for each of her three children, plus expects presents on birth, and then further presents at their Christenings. And she always puts a note on the invites to the BS/christening to say she doesn't want toys or clothes, as they have enough stuff - but would appreciate money/vouchers. Her friendship is starting to feel like another tax on our family and needless to say since Baby 2, I've been making my excuses!

My amazing work colleagues surprised me with an afternoon tea before I went on maternity leave. We had a lovely afternoon together and I was given little gifts e.g. Wrist rattle, books etc. Really unexpected and very generous of them.

However, I have been invited to a baby shower that was run like a military operation. I had already bought my friend a lovely gift, but then received an email dictating that I take clothing 9-12 months size. Think it is like any occasion where taken to extremes it can cause resentment.

Wow. Your 'friend' really does top it. Thanks for your words though. So I'm not completely an island in this then...
(P.S. Your thoughts on the American issue, also much appreciated. Like I said, it's importing into different cultural circumstances that makes the custom a different beast)...

"If you choose to hang around with tacky, grabby people you can expect to be treated in a tacky, grabby manner whichever country you live in."

Bingo :)

Baby2b: yes, yes, that's it exactly. In fact a few of my friends and work colleagues did similar things for me, just as you describe and (until now) I never even thought of that as a baby shower. It is the approach that makes all the difference...

I have planned/hosted four baby showers in the last year or so

They involved yummy food, games, quizzes, laughter, chatting, tea, cakes, a few gifts, and they were all great days (I think!) Each and every time the mother-to-be and her family and friends were able to get together, get to know each other, have a lovely relaxed few hours talking excitedly about the imminent arrival, and make the mother-to-be generally feel loved, happy, excited... The presents that were there were opened, gushed over, admired. I had a "bring a book" theme so that guests were invited to bring a book if they liked, with a message to mum and baby inside. Everyone seemed to like it.

I'm genuinely not sure what there is to dislike. You read the bit about cake, right?

On the other hand, at my niece's first birthday party, presents were directed to be left on the present table, no opening and gushing over them, no thank you, nothing. So I table my motion to do away with 1st birthday parties