Picking up a sleeping newborn - AIBU or PFB?

[KittyChat]

My dd is two weeks old. She is the first grandchild on both sides, and the first baby born within our group of friends. She has so far been a chilled out, relaxed little thing who sleeps a lot.

We have had a stream of visitors who naturally all want to cuddle her. This was fine at first but lately it's been upsetting me. I hate seeing her passed around the room like a new toy while she sleeps, and picked up out of her moses basket while she is sleeping peacefully.

It would be a bit easier if I was breastfeeding as I could legitimately take her away to feed her but bfing hasn't worked out for me (not for lack of trying - a whole other story). So now everyone can feed her and I have no real excuse to take her away on my own.

My DP has been understanding but I think he thinks I'm being a bit PFB. We are about to be descended on in a matter of hours by my ILs, a cousin and a couple of brothers for a few days and I am starting to feel panicked about watching dd getting bundled about and not left to sleep in peace. If I don't say anything she will be held all day long.

I am not scared to say 'put that baby down!' but first I would like to know if I am being insanely PFB about this or are these feelings are normal?

Please be gentle as I am a bit of a hormonal mess right now but don't be afraid to give your honest opinions.

Congratulations on your new baby, I bet it's all a bit of a whirl at the moment, without all these people descending on you.

Good for you for standing up to your MIL, that can't be easy!

I don't think it's reasonable for everyone to expect to hold a sleeping baby. It sounds like yours is ok with it, but my DD1 was so hard to settle and so easy to wake accidentally - these people don't know what yours is like!

Also, I agree with other posters - just because you're bottle feeding, doesn't mean that you should let all and sundry have a go - it's an important bonding time for you and baby, wherever the milk comes from.

Good for you. This is definitely the way to go!!

Lots of posts here about people who said that their relationship with the inlaws IMPROVED MASSIVELY when they actually got up the balls to lay the law down - yes lots of eye rolling, but a few years down the line it seems that your typical MIL becomes strangely proud of having a no-nonsense, Mama-matriarch DIL!

Oh and you don't NEED an excuse for anything you wish to have happen with YOUR child. 'No, not right now, she's asleep and I want her to have her sleep out undisturbed thanks.' will do fine. You'll get to the point where once you adopt this no-nonsense persona, just saying 'Not right now thanks!' will be enough.

If it persists as a problem though, a firm - 'She's having a lot of issues settling at night right now and I DO NOT WANT people picking her up once she has gone to sleep - I want her left undisturbed while she is sleeping. Thanks' will do.

FWIW your relatives are really out of order here. I don't know ANYONE who goes to pick up a sleeping baby, and if the parent has already said no - words fail!

Definitely foot firmly down, get yourself a reputation as a no-nonsense tyrant - it'll be the best move you EVER made

YANBU - and I'm glad to hear other people have the perfume issue. I used to feel really upset if DD was passed back to me smelling all wrong.

OP, to deal with this when my DD was a newborn I simply put DD upstairs in our or her room to nap and closed the door. When questioned by others I simply said I like her to sleep in peace as I'm trying to get her into a routine. When visitors got too much and it was time for feeding (formula too) I or DH would take her to our room, close the door and feed her in peace. Worked well and no one was offended. Visits became rarer after a month and then it was just me and the baby. By then she and I had developed a lovely routine of wake-sleep-feed and maternity leave was lovely (aside from a bout of colic and reflux which was inevitable I guess).

YANBU

YANBU AT ALL!! Not PFB, who wants to wake a sleeping baby.

It made me MAD when ILs insisted on this with DS1. Destroyed his routine 3 times over during his first year with their (her) unrelenting interference on visits. Weeks of no sleep for me followed as DS1 expected to be patted back to sleep (after months of self settling). After MIL started to mess.

Am same with perfume and hand washing, though have bene a bit more relaxed on all fronts with DS2. I hate the baby/performing monkey mentality.

By way of hijack, when DS1 was 9 months we were staying at MILs, DS had temp of 39 and was not sleeping well/fitfully. I did something unheard of which was to remove him from bed to settle him to sleep on my chest at about 10pm. He was drifting off peacefully and she comes by and says "give him to ME" I said no, he is unwell and sleeping. She started to insist and I stood firm. She then grabbed him into her arms whilst I was holding his bottom half and obviously DS1 started wailing. I raised my voice to say No, no no! as DS was going beserk.

She totally lost it, accused me of all sorts, had an epic toddler tantrum, woke up everyone in house, called back him DH to 'sort me out' threw some shoes that I had given her into our room, accused me of being she devil and not respecting her grandparental rights, up in my face and pointing at me. This rant lasted 2 hours. And then descended into a row between FIL and MIL when he said she was totally WBVU. DH was putting on a show of being mad at me, but knew his mother was being a class A bitch. Ahhhh feels good to get that out. Thanks for the hijack.

Stand up for your baby!

So stand up for yourself, I totally agree the self same people will be conspicuously absent for a) babysitting, b) nappy changes, c) the 5.30am wake up call.

YANBU.

I get why they want to cuddle-but there´ll be plenty of time.

Well done for telling them.

Did our parents allow babies to be passed around?

Gah! I hate people who don't bother to ask before picking up the baby. When my DD was just a day old we had DPs SIL and her 2 brats, and MIL and BIL over, DP and his mum were outside in the garden and the rest of us were inside. Poppy was snoozing in her pram and did that 'crying in her sleep' thing and SIL immediately swooped down and grabbed her before i even had time to blink! Was absolutely fuming as i really don't like her and no-one else had had a hold yet!

Shit! Sorry for the long ranty post she just makes me so