In-laws dog when they come to visit the new baby

[AlreadyStressed]

This is my first AIBU - please be gentle with me! I've namechanged for this as I don't want to out myself....

DH and I are expecting our first baby in a couple of weeks. We don't have pets, and we've just had our pale carpets cleaned and the house redecorated. PIL have a small dog which she says becomes very stressed and anxious (diarrhoea and vomiting) when he is separated from MIL- to such an extent that she refuses to leave the dog in the car even if she's just popping into the shops. I am adamant I don't want dogs in my house. Several of my friends have dogs but they've always understood that I don't want their dogs in my house, and have made alternative arrangements when they come around to visit. PIL's dog isn't reliably continent, especially in stressful situations, which I would imagine coming to a new house would be for him. He's also not been castrated so there is a good risk he will mark in the house. The house is small and it's going to be a squeeze with visitors anyway, without the addition of a dog (although he is small). The other thing is that he's not ever met any babies before, and it's entirely possible that given he's so worried when separated from MIL he will be jealous, and I don't know how he will react to a baby.

I've said I don't want the dog in the house when they come to visit. They say they can't leave him anywhere because he becomes just too stressed with anyone else. I am very worried that we're going to reach an impasse when the baby arrives that I don't want the dog here, and they'll say that I'm being massively unreasonable and stopping them from visiting their grandchild. I don't want to stop them from seeing their grandchild but I don't see why I should be the one to compromise given that it's my home. I also don't want to spend the whole time they're here on edge watching the dog's every move.

So, am I being ridiculous? FWIW, I've felt like this about the dog coming for years anyway, so it's not just PFB (although there probably is a bit of that here as well....) Also, does anyone have any ideas of a compromise that could be made that everyone would be happy with? Really appreciate your help - this is stressing me out.

It might be worth not polarising the situation too much though, with all the 'my house, my rules' attitude. For a start, you don't want to make this such a big thing that your in-laws can't back down from their position. Just say you want a peaceful house when the bay arrives although as the child grows up that may change, but for now No Dogs. That way you can back down too if you relax about it more after the newborn stage.

Why on earth hasn't it been castrated? I won't pretend to be even remotely knowledgeable about dogs but it hardly sounds like it's got a good temperament for breading and what little I do know makes me think it's likely to be a bit calmer without it's manly bits. Nothing to do with you I know, but perhaps DH could suggest it to them as a step in the right direction.

If they can leave it behind when they go on holiday they can leave it behind when they visit you. Frankly even if they took it on holiday with them you can still insist that they leave it behind when they visit you but the fact that they don't makes your point a bit easier to argue.

Poor dog :(

Interesting power struggle. The dog has been specifically uninvited. MIL obviously takes this personally, because the small dog is her baby and you don't think it's worthy of being within barking distance of your new baby. You have to make it clear that the dog's needs have to take a back seat to the baby's needs (whatever mummy wants).

Don't back down or you'll end up with the dog visiting you every time they want to see their grandchild.

Imagine how lucky you will be if you escape visits from your MIL because the dog isn't welcome!

If you allow your ILs to bring the dog on the promise that he stays in the kitchen then you will be in for a horrible visit because the dog will not stay in the kitchen! MIL will feel too sorry for it and bring it out regardless of what you say. I speak from experience, (friends not family)
I think you have to say no means no for this visit and so they either come without the dog or wait until you feel up to travelling which will be a couple of weeks even if things go smoothly. Once your new baby has puked/weed/'s has leaked on the newly clean carpets and the house is a bit more lived in you might feel more inclined to allow a visit but only if the dog can be relied on not to shit on the floor.
Your MIL needs to sort out the dog's anxiety issues because it can't be nice for any animal to live feeling so stressed he throws up if his owner leaves the room!

If you and DH agree that the dog is not welcome - surely it is their decision, Dog V Grandchild.

Baffled that anyone would bring a dog to someone's house when they knew it wasn't welcome. YADDNBU

YANBU, I agree with you. Apart from your house with is not suitable for dogs, dogs and tiny babies should never be in the same confined place imo, especially one that is untested around babies. I think the ideal situation would be if it was a nice day and they could go and sit straight in the garden when they arrive and you could bring the baby out for a short time. Risk is if it's raining. My sister has a dog and this is what happened when they came to visit us (and that was bad enough - lovely dog but massive and he scared the crap out of the kids, destroyed every ball they had, slobbered all over their toys and trashed the flower beds).

I have to say I think it is pathetic to have your life ruled by a pet, imagine not being able to visit your first grandchild because you "can't" leave a dog in a car or tied up in the front garden for half an hour. Members of my family are like this. They are childless or retired and well off - in that situation I would be enjoying myself, travelling, numerous weekend breaks, staying with friends, holidays, visiting the grandchildren - but no, they can't, because of their dogs or cats who are seemingly the only pampered animals who can't stay at a kennels/cattery for a week. Stupid!

Ask yourself,DH and your IL's who gets the priority?Baby or the dog?

No,no,no no,no dog in the house.The dog is your IL's baby,you're just about to have yours.How the dog is going to react when MIL cradles the baby and the dog can't get to her lap?Sorry but it sounds like the dog is spoilt rotten and has been made like this by your IL's.

Who's going to clean up doggy mess after the visit?Do you (or your DH) fancy doing that?Is that what you want?Do you believe that they would leave the dog in the cage or kitchen unattended?If not,you have to say something either now or after their darling doggie shitted on the carpet or peed on the furniture somewhere,not to mention the dog being jealous of the baby.
Sounds like your MIL doesn't leave the dog alone for 10 minutes.How she's going to manage the baby AND the dog at the same time?
Nip it in the bud NOW.
No need to feel awkward,embarassed or ashamed.The dog is their problem not yours.If they don't understand it then tough.

I know it's been mentioned, but it's really worth re-stressing the point about the dog's jealousy. If it's neurotic and clingy, it could go mad if its mummy picks up "another" baby (and a vulnerable one, at that). It has just not shown itself in control of its emotions, so why trust it? It's scary if the ILs don't understand and/or admit your point of view.