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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this was out of order and that she is lying

48 replies

yikert · 30/07/2011 16:01

My brother was knocked off his bike on Wednesday and needed to be taken to hospital and he was discharged yesterday. His girlfriend didn't tell me. I only found out this morning when I saw a friend who apparently saw it happen and have since contacted them and she said she forgot. We don't really get on very well and think that she deliberately didn't tell me.

OP posts:

Poweredbypepsi · 30/07/2011 16:03

perhaps your brother told he not to for some reason?

DontAskMeSums · 30/07/2011 16:04

Might she have been busy attending to/worrying about your brother? Was he unconscious so he couldn't ask her to contact you, if he felt you needed contacting?

Original poster

yikert · 30/07/2011 16:06

He suffered a baddish concussion so wasn't really with it

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 30/07/2011 16:07

I suspect if you don't get on she wouldn't have even thought to tell you.

popele · 30/07/2011 16:09

Did she tell anyone in your family? If she didn't then YANBU but if she told someone else then she probably thought that it would be passed around.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/07/2011 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

yikert · 30/07/2011 16:11

I just don't believe you could forget to call for 2 days when something like this has happened.

OP posts:

tokle · 30/07/2011 16:15

YANBU, are you and your brother close OP?

DontAskMeSums · 30/07/2011 16:15

You and your brother are responsible for your sibling relationship. He and she are responsible for their relationship. If you don't get on, why would ringing you be a priority for her? Maybe she was focussing on the well being of the bloke she loves.

EdithWeston · 30/07/2011 16:16

Are your parents still around? Had she rung them? If so, it might not have occurred to her to ring you as well.

Original poster

yikert · 30/07/2011 16:17

yes tokle

OP posts:

tokle · 30/07/2011 16:19

If you are close could she have seen it as an opportunity to create distance/tension between you if you don't get on. Presumabely it would have looked to him like you knew but didn't go and visit etc whilst she was the devoted girlfriend.

kevlarbrassiere · 30/07/2011 16:21

You are understandably upset at not being informed, but its up to him to let you know about events like this.

Maybe he didn't want a fuss, just a couple of days to recover, in peace, from his accident.

If he stays with his girlfriend, has children with her, etc., you will just have to learn to accept that his partner takes precedence over you. If not , then you will be forever frustrated by your relationship with them.

Original poster

yikert · 30/07/2011 16:21

No she didn't tell our parents either but they spend the summer in Spain

OP posts:

likale · 30/07/2011 16:23

YANBU if I were hospitalized by an accident like this I would expect DH to inform my parents and siblings. The idea that she forgot is ludicrous and almost certainly a lie.

piloi · 30/07/2011 16:29

YANBU if your partner is hurt then you should tell their family and I agree with likale the claim she forgot to isn't particulary believable.

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 16:32

How old is your brother?

EdithWeston · 30/07/2011 16:33

I think it is U not to tell anyone in his family.

I think it's pretty unlikely he'll have banned her from telling you but, as you know now and will probably be in touch directly, you can find out (discreetly) from him.

marcopront · 30/07/2011 16:35

If he was discharged yesterday, he was presumably in fairly good shape. So he could have called you himself. He didn't, maybe he didn't want you to know.

Original poster

yikert · 30/07/2011 16:37

He's 22

OP posts:

Jux · 30/07/2011 16:39

I wouldn't expect her to call me. If it had been me, I would have had more than enough to do with visiting, thinking of what he mint need to cheer him, distract him etc etc while he was in. If it had been something very serious then you think about calling relatives, but concussion, no.

DH was in hospital for 3 days, having a dreadful time. I didn't call his mum or his sister; spent the 3days trying to organise how we were going to get to the hospital to visit him, what he needed, reassure dd. Hardly had 5 minutes to think about anything else.

I called his sis when he came out (his mum's completely demented and probably wouldn't have known what/who I was talking about). DSIL wasn't at all worried that I hadn't called her before.

AurraSing · 30/07/2011 16:59

I think you are making a big deal about nothing. He's a grown up, so if he wanted you to know, he would have told you himself. I doubt telling you crossed either of their minds.

oila · 30/07/2011 17:03

YANBU I agree tokle and that she might be playing games. If you had known then presumabley you would have visited him in hospital and so by not telling you it makes you look like you couldn't be bothered whilst she presumabley did all that stuff.
Even if she wasn't it seems strange to not inform any of your family that he had been hospitalised and I don't really think it is his responsibility to tell you if he is unwell in hospital

inappa · 30/07/2011 17:37

YANBU She should have told you and it seems unlikely to me that she forgot, how can she forget that her boyfriend has a sister?

LRDTheFeministDragon · 30/07/2011 17:46

If my SIL or my other brother's girlfriend called me to say he was in hospital, I'd assume it was very, very serious and she needed me to get there right now. If they rang because he'd had concussion and was soon out, I'd think they were being odd. Surely she had better things to do for the crucial few hours he was in hospital, than to ring his sister?

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