Should I force DD to give up her trombone lessons?

[AgentZigzag]

About a year and a half ago 10 YO DD1 started weekly lessons to learn to play an instrument for the local brass band.

They give you the instrument and you pay twenty odd quid for the insurance.

She started off on the euphonium and about 9/10 months ago went onto the trombone.

I reckon she's doing really well, reading music and that, the bloke she has lessons with thinks the same and she should be doing her grade 1 in the next couple of months.

The problem is she doesn't practice at home, we've 'encouraged' her to do it and said if her teacher thinks she's good when she doesn't practice just think how well she'd play with a bit each/every other night. She enjoys it when she's at her lesson, but maybe sees practicing as a chore but doesn't want to give in/up.

I'd be interested to know whether other posters think she's not practicing because she's a 10 YO and has better things to do, or whether the lessons are on to a road to nowhere because if she was into it she'd want to practice?

This came up a few months ago and we gave her a certain amount of time to show us she could practice before we said it might be a good idea to let it go and someone else's child have a go. She didn't practice.

It's come up again because we're going through a skint phase and with the £20 we pay for insurance, plus the time DH loses in pay when he has to leave early from work to get her to her lesson, could help out quite a lot.

I'm stalling because I want her to have the benefit of being able to read music/play instrument/play in band, so is it worth it scraping the cash for such a long term benefit? How have other peoples DCs music lessons panned out?

I did think last night that perhaps I could offer her an alternative activity like swimming/dancing that's not so 'expensive'? She has her own trombone as well, so she could keep it up and maybe start lessons at some time in the future, she's moving to a new school as she'll be in Yr 7 next year, so perhaps they'll have lessons.

I just keep going round and round in circles because I don't want to do wrong by her, what do you think?

This may seem a silly question but does she know how to practise? Has the teacher given her an outline of what practice should include? If she enjoys the lessons it sounds like she could enjoy practising too but may need more guidelines.

... and I don't just mean what pieces/scales/exercises to do, but how many times, which sections, whether to try them fast and build up, try pieces with a piano backing track etc.

sorry, slow and build up

i only say 5 mins with a timer for reluctant practisers.... or beginners. obviously with the kids that are motivated you push for as much as you can get!

I understand where you're coming from OP.

7 year old ds and 11 year old dd do piano lessons. It's chuffing expensive. DS has been playing for a year and is now nearly ready for grade one, because he practices without being asked for between 30 minutes and an hour every day.

DD, who is also very musical, can't do more than 10 minutes - with loads of nagging and pleading. She also can't practice without an audience.

I'm at the point of saying to her: shit or get off the pot.

Her teacher (who's very bonkers) has a hissy fit every few months and tells her that if she doesn't pull her socks up she'll sack her as she has a long waiting list of children wanting her services.

DD then gets on with it for a few weeks before losing enthusiasm again. Problem is that she's a very quick learner, so she can wing it a lot of the time. But she's definitely nowhere near reaching her potential.

Tough isn't it?

I had a talk with DD when I walked her up to a yoof club session, she reckoned it would help to leave it out, and she doesn't like to practice because she knows the neighbours can hear when she goes wrong.

I reassured her they know she's practicing and won't think anything of it, and she seemed upbeat about it.

I think it'd be a good idea to give her a stay of execution and reassess in a couple of months.

In the holidays we'll remind her once at least twice a week to practice and then it's up to her to do it.

If she manages to keep it up until they go back to school DH will have a word with her teacher and see if he's got some pointers about how to practice (good point about that, I really haven't got a clue. I would have thought he'd have mentioned what she has to do before now, you'd hope so).

DH thinks her teacher must know she doesn't practice because he asks every week what they've done, DD has a compulsion to tell the truth so unlikely she'd have said she had.

I'd forgotten she was getting on quite well learning the trumpet at school, so that's another option if she does give up the trombone, that's another good point about how unwieldy it is.

I'm so glad I started the thread, it's a weight off my mind to not just leave it hanging, and that nobody's picked apart my parenting/finances/relationship with DH

Is she showing any major talent?

If not, she's unlikely to become Principal Trombone in the Chicago Symphony.

(Or LSO/LPO etc)

If she was coming along nicely she MIGHT be able to get a scholarship to a good grammar depending on talent due to lack of [female] decent trombonists.

Failing that, don't sweat it. She either wants to do it or she doesn't.

I was made to practise piano daily and gave up because i was bored of practice-it killed the enjoyment of learning.

Our DD plays the piano because she wants to. She does not have exams. We so not make her practice. Her teacher sets her one piece a week and usually she plays it several times a day, every day because she wants to get it right. Recently she has started improvising a bit around tunes and playing piano tunes on her recorder and vice verce.

She is not particularly gifted but loves music and singing and is happy performing. I would rather that she enjoyed an instrument and the social nature of lessons (she learns in a municipal music school with others).