AIBU to have told this man to get out of my life.

[toomuchdust]

The backstory: Friends with benefits type situation. The last time i saw him was after a whole lot of hastle. He was annoyed that i didnt turn up once, when we had never arranged it ( i know, i checked, i have no communication that says that) and so, we re arranged for the next day at 8pm. When i sat waiting and he didnt show. Eventually at 9:30pm he logs online, i see, ask him where he is, and after a bit of ' i cant be bothered' he comes round for all of 40 mins.

I decide there and then that im done with it because im worth way more than that, even in a friends with benefits type situation.

Two days ago he starts texting me, all flirty flirty and i decided, what the heck, why not. So, we arrange for me to go to his, last night, at 8pm.

I sent him a text yesterday lunchtime, to which i got no response, but i thought ' dont get het up, he might be in meetings or just busy and will reply later'. So i have a shower, do my hair really nice, get ready, you know, make a little bit more of an effort. Gets to 10 mins before i was going to leave the house and the lunchtime text had still not been replied to... and i know hes at home, because i can see him logged into various websites.

So i text him, that if i turn up on his doorstep, is he going to answer it, or pretend not to be in? He comes back with ' im not in babe.'

I think fuck it. Tell him i am not a text wank service and not to contact me ever again. He comes back saying im being silly and having a ridiclous over wroght reaction. I unfriended him on facebook and within seconds he text me again saying he cant believe ive done that and how ' uncool' and over the top i am and he hadnt realised the plan for me to go over was binding.

I think hes a cock. I mean, how can an arranagement not be binding, if you say you are going to meet somewhere at a certain time... and then what? just dont go, or one of you doesnt go??? I dont understand.

AIBU? I dont think so. but maybe i am?

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

ChristinedePizan & TheMagnificentBathykolpian

I wasn't talking about being unfaithful to the friend with benefits(!), but to the new bloke she was seeing a few weeks ago. (unless that relationship never reached that stage of course)

[TheMagnificentBathykolpian]

Ah! sorry. I see now, was a missed word. was 'other one'. sorry

Taking it as the other chap - OP never mentioned anything about having made promises of exclusivity to anyone, and I never assume that a relationship is exclusive as its default, iyswim. So I still wouldn't assume infidelity. I'd just assume casual.

[TheMagnificentBathykolpian]

which is me saying the same thing that you just said when you said that 'unless the relationship never reached that stage...'

[ChristinedePizan]

But the OP said 'in fact i was seeing somone for a short while and didnt see him then' so she wasn't 'unfaithful' to the person she was seeing because she didn't see the FWB while she was actually seeing someone properly.

I don't think dressing up is a sign of emotional investment - I used to do it for the last FWB I had because it was part of the fun.

[solidgoldbrass]

It's not being 'unfaithful' if you haven't agreed with someone that your relationship with them is going to be exclusive.

[MumblingRagDoll]

You see...you thought that friend with benefits meant friend to sleep with. I am afraid most men see that as a "handy lay who I can fuck off when I please and show no respect to"

I have seen mates in your situation time and again,

[janelikesjam]

hi TooMuch Dust. I have a feeling MumblingRagDoll may be right. So if you find yourself in such situation - you may have walked into it partly blind - you have to be very careful to protect your heart and do not give your trust in any way ...

It does sound to me like he is playing a bit of a nasty game, messing you about, then sending you seductive and attentive text messages, to get you into an emotional tizz. Its a common ploy with some people. Just disengaging yourself from his drama (and it is his) is my recommendation. Once you have done that he'll lose interest anyway...

[solidgoldbrass]

There are some people who get into a FWB situation in order to manipulate and upset the other person. A lot of them are men. It's not a matter of a man who 'just' wants a shag now and again, that can be perfectly OK as long as there is basic courtesy on both sides. But some men push and push to make the woman demonstrate some sort of annoyance or hurt because they want to be able to say 'I told you, I don't do relationships, I told you not to fall in love with me'.Men like this don't like women, and their idea is that women find them 'irresistible' ie show a sign of being upset, then they feel that they have 'won'. A woman who happily has sex with them and cheerfully departs is actually a threat to their egos.
One of those is what you had OP, never mind, at least you can dump his sorry arse and move on.

[adamschic]

Agree that YANBU, I would be annoyed with a friend that treated my that way and a FWB situation is the same except you have sex, not a big deal, but should involve common curtesy.

FWB can work fine as long as neither of you get emotionally involved.