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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to say to ATYOURCERVIX and other midwives on here...

58 replies

poshme · 28/07/2011 00:01

I think you are wonderful.

I havent read the whole thread about postnatal care... but I'm aware it has a lot about m/w and how badly people feel they have been treated by m/w.

I have had 3 DC. My prenatal/during labour and postnatal care was not always perfect, it was not always how I had dreamed it could be, but I know that the m/w were there for me, and were in many cases working under incredible strain/ pressure with many women.
I just wanted to say that for every complaint I'm sure there are hundereds of women who will never forget you - for good reasons.
I know that is not everyone's experiences and that MN can be a good place to vent/ share/ work through this...
I just wanted to say - I had great midwives, and I will always remember them.

OP posts:

itisnearlysummer · 28/07/2011 06:57

Here here!

And I had a lovely student MW who stayed with me and was the only constant during a pretty scary emergency hospital admission/being hooked up to countless machines prior to my EMCS.

She will never know how much she meant to me during that time.

NoobyNoob · 28/07/2011 08:03

I agree - I also had pretty good care. I made sure I thanked both my midwifes who helped deliver my son, and I sent the ward some flowers once I was back on my feet.

I hope I get that sort of care this time round.

cwtch4967 · 28/07/2011 08:30

Same here - a lot of things could have been different but it was the system and under staffing that was at fault not the midwives.

Bubandbump · 28/07/2011 08:47

After pretty awful prenatal care right up until 6 hours before delivery, our final midwife was just amazing. She turned a rapidly deteriorating birth into the most amazing experience of our lives by being positive, confident and caring that it was still special for us. A truly amazing lady.

PinkSchmoo · 28/07/2011 08:50

Poshme, so glad you started this thread. I had excellent care with DD and DS. I felt the midwives really cared and were there when I needed support.

mousymouse · 28/07/2011 08:54

agree, I had great support from my mw and studen mw during my last birth. such a difference from the bad attitude of the mw during my first birth.
thank you renata!

hugeleyoutnumbered · 28/07/2011 08:55

I had fantasic care pn, and have posted as much on the other thread, it does make me wonder though if women have unrealistic veiws about labour and post natal care.

I am of the firm belief that (except when you have had medical intervention) that giving birth does not qualify as being ill, some women seem to think that after givig birth they need to be waited on hand and foot my the hospital staff.

I maybe accused of being uncaring or unfeeling here, but if you want hotel service go to a hotel.

I think women tend to have a rose tinted veiw of giving birth, and expect it to be a pain free drug free experience, and when its not the midwives are held responsible

cannydoit · 28/07/2011 08:56

i have always had amazing midwives and amazing care at my local hospital. my first midwife had her shift end just before my dd1 was born the next day she came down to the post natal ward and visited us. i was very touched that she took the time to do that.

BerryLellow · 28/07/2011 08:56

I've had really lovely midwives for both my births too, despite things going a bit crazy both times. I'm full of admiration for the job.

Changing2011 · 28/07/2011 08:57

Absolutey agree. I gave birth at Stafford district general, yes the one of the 2000 death shame and risk of closure... It has prompted a campaign called save the nhs which is still ongoing. In February next year I will give birth there again. I can honestly say that as a high risk pregnancy and a young first time mum I received high quality care which ladies in some countries would kill for. The ward was clean, food was ok and advice was on hand if required.

Last week at my booking in appointment at my home (10 weeks) I was found to have severe blood pressure problems. The midwife who came immediately arranged an appointment with the consultant ob/gyn and yesterday I arrived at the hospital for said appointment. Just as consultant was scanning me the very same midwife arrived, she had wanted to check I was ok as she had been so concerned the week prior. She really was a credit to her profession. Big love to all the midwives out there who are doing their best under incredible pressure.

Changing2011 · 28/07/2011 09:01

Hugely.... I have to agree. Some comments about being woke. Up to care for baby etc are really quite spoiled sounding. The baby is yours, other mothers are tired too, there is plenty of time to delegate parenting tasks when you get home. Midwives are not there to feed, bathe or cuddle your baby while you recover. There are services which you can pay for which achieve this but the reality is the services we take for granted are stretched to breaking point. The management are the ones to blame, not the front line staff.

HMTheQueen · 28/07/2011 09:04

Hear hear! I had a couple of fab midwives for the borth and then some great ones after that helped calmed me down in the middle of the night when I couldn't latch DS on. They were so kind and caring - and professional.

There was one who scared DH - but in a good way - she was very authoratative!

I won't forget my midwives.

libelulle · 28/07/2011 09:22

hugelyoutnumbered - I think a thread about people's good experiences of midwife care is great, but there's no need to dismiss so rudely the traumatic experiences that many people have been through on postnatal wards. You may have swum through labour and been entirely physically capable afterwards, but for many women that isn't the case. As far as I know, hotels don't cater for women having had abdominal surgery, perineal stitches, hemorrhages, 90 hours with no sleep, babies who won't feed etc etc. All women have the right to decent and humane care after birth, and all credit to the midwives who do manage to provide it in difficult circumstances.

Changing2011 · 28/07/2011 09:28

I don't think anyone is dismissing some of the experiences posted on the other thread about bad care and bad attitudes. As usual though, we will be flamed for showing an opinion outside the requisite hand wringing.

stillfrazzled · 28/07/2011 09:32

I still get weepy when I think of the wonderful midwives who saw me through the births of both my DSs.

The first two were so calm and reassuring that they made something I'd been terrified of (induction) into a lovely experience.

DS2 was a bit different - delivered premature when we found out he was growth restricted and had only a few days to live if left in utero.

No disrespect to the doctors, who were also fab, but I felt midwives were looking out for me and DS2 as their patients, while doctors were acting according to the protocols. So the consultant encouraged me to try induction as stats showed it would be better for me; once he was out of the room the veteran midwife came back to discuss with me and DH, and gave us the confidence to go with our instinct - to opt for CS.

AND she came by the recovery room to tell me it hadn't been her place to say at the time, but she thought our decision had saved his life. Which at that point, groggy and post-op and terrified, meant a hell of a lot.

AND she came back next day, when off-duty, to see how I was doing.

Sorry to go on at length, but I cannot overstate what that support meant to me. Am tearing up as I type.

Anne, if you're reading - you were amazing.

If she's not - thank you, on her behalf, to any midwife who's ever done anything similar. You are all amazing.

GeekCool · 28/07/2011 09:33

I'll add to this. Had fabulous care all through pregnancy, labour and beyond. Lovely lovely MW and even though I was hooked to a drip, IV and epidural so totally bed bound, I was never pushed into anything, and only had one MW for most of the time.
She even stayed late to deliver our son, after her shift had ended .

WorrisomeHeart · 28/07/2011 09:37

Changing I dont think it's a matter of being flamed for having a contrary opinion but hugely's comment about women expecting a hotel service is uncalled for - yes, in some cases I agree re complaints about being woken to deal with their own babies, however some of the posts on the PN thread are truly horrifyIng considering we are not living in a third world country.

And I have the greatest of respect for midwives, I had some excellent care both AN and PN but they were ridiculously overstretched and put under extreme pressure. Women are at their most vulnerable following birth, and I think the staffing levels are the major factor here.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 28/07/2011 09:37

I think your "hand wringing" comment does dismiss them actually

I had crap experiences. Out of all the mws I dealt with (about 8), only one was friendly and caring. I was devastated, not only because of my experience but because I had always thought mws would be the good guys.

I am scared of having dc2 but hopeful that I might have some of the experiences that you lot have had. I haven't written off the whole profession by any means. That would be idiotic.

TotalChaos · 28/07/2011 09:41

I had some dreadful experiences on the PN ward, but equally one stunningly good community mw probably saved DS from kernicterus, and antenatal and delivery care were pretty damn good, and there was one absolutely lovely PN ward MW.

jinxediam · 28/07/2011 09:41

changling2011 i find your reference "hand wringing" offensive

Changing2011 · 28/07/2011 09:42

Glad you haven't written them all off gml. As I have said before, I'm not dismissing anything. Wouldn't like to bet that next time I will have the same experiences either, as every baby is different and every birth is challenging in different ways. I am just hoping for a similar experience as last time.

Changing2011 · 28/07/2011 09:42

I'm not wringing my hands for you or anyone else jinx, don't worry.

RobynLou · 28/07/2011 09:43

I had a hideous time the first time truly awful 'care', the second time though the midwifes calmly averted total disaster and debriefed me afterwards about what had happened and treated me with total respect.
they were amazing and I will remember one in particular for the rest of my life.

I think of her often and wish I knew her name - the calm irish midwife with the shiny brown bob and the perfect lippy at hillingdon hospital, if you're out there I thank you wholeheartedly.

ShowOfHands · 28/07/2011 09:43

The majority of the hospital midwives I met were very overworked, stressed and struggling to manage a hospital bursting at its seams. I'm quite sad that I didn't get to know any of them at all really. That is not their fault. I did have some shocking experiences with a couple of them but I am firmly decided that they do not represent what is essentially a caring profession.

My community midwives were dedicated, smart, funny and wonderful. Because they were allowed to be.

The whole system needs sorting out tbh. My aunt is a senior community midwife and is very frank about the job. She admits how increasingly difficult it is to be the positive, caring person she is when she's drowning under the bureaucracy.

why5am · 28/07/2011 09:46

My experience of labour and PN care was really mixed, but I'll be forever grateful to two midwives - one during labour and one the PN ward..

The midwife on the evidently understaffed post natal ward managed to be caring, professional, courteous and supportive - she was just fantastic. She was also sympathetic to my request to self-discharge as soon as DD's check up was done and we knew all was well with her. She was obviously run off her feet and I really felt for her and her colleagues working under such pressure.

For some of her colleagues, though, I worry that all that pressure makes it easy to forget quite how vulnerable, exhausted and overwhelmed new mothers are; not to mention incapacitated if there's been an epidural or CS.

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