to want to say to ATYOURCERVIX and other midwives on here...

[poshme]

I think you are wonderful.

I havent read the whole thread about postnatal care... but I'm aware it has a lot about m/w and how badly people feel they have been treated by m/w.

I have had 3 DC. My prenatal/during labour and postnatal care was not always perfect, it was not always how I had dreamed it could be, but I know that the m/w were there for me, and were in many cases working under incredible strain/ pressure with many women.
I just wanted to say that for every complaint I'm sure there are hundereds of women who will never forget you - for good reasons.
I know that is not everyone's experiences and that MN can be a good place to vent/ share/ work through this...
I just wanted to say - I had great midwives, and I will always remember them.

Am not dismissing bad experiences at all, but I have to say that some of the women on my ward, post-DS2, did seem to expect a hotel service.

While I was trying to express, sobbing about my baby in SCBU and feeling grateful to have him alive, the mothers opposite and next to me were complaining about the awful food (one lived on chips from the canteen for two days) having to look after crying babies all night, and slagging off the mws for not providing free formula.

I know that there are mws who aren't lovely and friendly, and I know lots of women sadly don't get the care they deserve because the system is so absurdly overstretched - but silly expectations do exist as well.

I think hugely and changing's comments show why things are not improving in postnatal care.

You have pages of women talking about how they were left to lie in blood and urine, picked up infections and had other complications, were not given pain meds after abdominal surgery, were bullied and humilitated by staff. But oh, women need to suck it up, it's not a hotel! Please.

Of course there are good midwives and I'm glad this thread was started to acknowledge that. But you are definitely being dismissive.

Fabulous thread.

I had great postnatal care from my wonderful community mw during both pgs, she even gave me her personal mobile number so I could call her from hospital after dd2 was born pretty poorly.

Thanks to the mw who just held my hand during the emergency ventouse birth of my first dc when dh was in total shock, I remember her holding my hand and it meant the world. Thanks to the student mw for chatting to me during the earlier stages.

Thanks to the mw who helped me deliver dc2 without assistance after dc1's birth. That gave me amazing self-confidence, I felt like wonderwoman and I'm so pleased I got to experience that. Also thanks for remaining calm and allowing a few seconds of skin to skin (as my birth plan requested) after dc2 was born so poorly (totally nobodys fault either and a huge surprise for everyone). Also, thanks for stitching me up, I had nothing but pain after the consultant stitched me with dc1, but after dc2 I was pain free after the healing).

I'm sure many women (and men) remember your names based upon the positive experiences they've had.

Now to start one for teachers :o

Yes there are some amazing, caring and hardworking midwives. No-one is denying that. Sadly most people who posted in the other thread didnt come across them. I will always be thankful for the amazing auxiliary nurse who helped me out of the chair I had been abandoned in for hours with totally numb legs, no painkillers, water,buzzer and covered in blood.

Hand wringing - I don't think so. Traumatised- yes.

In RL I'm one of the strongest people you could meet. 5 days in that he'll hole and I wasn't fit to crawl out of there.

Oh yes, it must be the fault of who had good experiences in post natal! What a ridiculous statement. Of course, It's not our job to dismiss or act on bad reports. This thread is about the positive experiences received, if you want to lament poor care, get involved with the mums net campaign. Don't blame those of us who had a good experience.

Just out of interest, for those of us who haven't experienced good mws but have watched OBEM jealously , would you say that the mws there are more representative? I realise this is probably an utterly stupid question, as it's ultimately a tv programme but they are what I always thought mws (in general) would be like. Is it unrealistic?

I secon everything dreamingbohemian just said. Sums up my POV perfectly.

my community midwife was brilliant when i was PG with DD, i was young, didnt have a clue but she was so friendly and approachable she was great thank you diane! my midwife when i was in labour/giving birth was a godsend loved her to pieces again just a really nice woman who looked after me didnt force anything on me explained everything to me as it was happening etc so thank you to lynda too. then the midwife who came round every time DD was wanting a feed to make sure she was latching on ok and stayed an hour past her shift to see to us for DDs night time feed thank you curly claire :) and finally the student midwife who is now fully qualified and every single one of my friends seem to have bumped into at some point in their pregnancy/labour for being such a young woman the maturity she shows is above and beyond she's brill well done ailsa!

really glad this thread was started its nice to get it out there that tho not everybodys labour is perfect some midwifes really do try!

Me too... My midwives were wonderful and I had a very scary and complicated pregnancy, induction and subsequent emergency C section with my DS but felt supported and cared for throughout and even when I was totally out of it they supported my DH with every decision he has to make on my behalf.

Whilst ayc and other mw will appricate the nice posts remember more than one mw posted to say they know things are not as they would want them to be.

Of course there are some mw who are in the wrong job, that happens in every profession. Just the same as not every customer is right!

We should nit shy away from the fact that for too many women, in too many hospitals the care is not good enough. All too often the reason woman have a good experience is because that mw is exceptional.

I was lucky enough to have an amazing midwife for my antenatal appointments and another wonderful midwife for my birth.

I did write on the thread that I refused to go to a post natal ward due to an experience of being badly treated on the gynae ward next door. No it wasn't a hotel but I didn't expect to be laughed at, shouted at, starved for three days because I was unable to walk, refused painkillers and have medical procedures done to me without my consent. I believe that they were the main points raised by the women on the thread. Yes it was also noisy and hard to sleep in but it was the bullying that was the problem.

I also remember every minute of the first few days with my newborn, hallucinating with lack of sleep, in pain, scared, bleeding, struggling to breast feed... And this was in my own home, in my own bed, with my husband to help me.

I honestly would have had a nervous breakdown if those two things had been happening at the same time. Any woman who has survived it deserves a fucking medal!

i would say that the hospital unit were i live is like that, i have yet to here a genuine complaint against it. i even volunteered there for awhile in the maternity ward and the ones i heard most was the being woken up to feed baby and food and not getting sufficient time with midwives before checking yourself out.
i did point out to one mum that if she stayed the recommended 3 days then the midwives would have plenty of time to chat to her and help her get her baby to latch on etc instead of checking herself out after 3 hrs and expecting them to rush over and show her it all then before she left. (disclaimer didnt say it quite like that).
just as our good experiences dont negate your bad experiences nor does this good thread about midwifery not take away or dismiss from the threads about poor treatment that other may have received but there is nothing wrong when everyone seems to be shouting down some really hard working underpaid mostly good people. that others take a bit of time to say it wasnt that way for them.

p.s for my last birth i had a male midwife student at the very end they asked my permission but i was so gone i agreed (prior i had said to hubby i wouldnt be comfortable as we knew there were male midwives up there) so pleased i did he was so kind and lovely and grateful he thanked me so much and called me brave and amazing. what girl doesnt like to hear that even when in stirrups.

If I always had the care that my previous mw gave me with dc2 I would be more than happy my community mw was fantastic and I still regularly see her at the docs, my birth mw again wonderful and I know my cmw would have been at the birth if not on holiday because she is just like that we even delayed my signing off so she could come and see the baby as she and I both wanted that. My real sadness is that my local hospital has moved all mw to another hospital which is much further away (although much much posher ) but it has really made me think about having dc3 if we were as I am not sure I would get the same type of care. With dc1 I didn't see the same mw more than once and actually found it quite stressful because I had to keep going over and over things with each one, not their fault but explaining that I really was concerned about an episiotomy to one landed me in hospital with hbp as she just didn't get my concern as a first time mum. (I don't know why I found it so stressful but I did ) Second time round she just put me at ease and for that I will be ever grateful. MW are a special breed I think

Yes please!
I to have met a few drippy MW who let the system and the paper work win.
BUT and I am going to shout there are some absolutely lovely, hard working thoughtful MW.
The one who tried her hardest to stop consultants escaping and make the AN clinic bearable ( I'm told she was a star if you had a MC too)
The MW who delivered DD1
The only one on PN who had a clue about BF
And most of all, every single MW I met before, during and after DD2s home birth
I feel incredibly fortunate and a bit confused reading all the trouble women have organising HB, my lot were absolutely great everyone in the group did an AN visit to be sure they could find my house and they all did a PN visit to see the baby.
In fact she was delivered by my midwife who did my checks at the clinic and who I knew best.

Changing of course it's not your fault, that's not what I said. I just mean your comments are indicative of the attitude that probably reigns amongst those decision-makers who could try to improve things but don't.

And there is no MN campaign for this, we have asked on the other thread but no one has responded.

I should say my antenatal midwife was amazing. I was so sad she wasn't on duty when I actually went into labour, she was great.

I had the most amazing community midwife second time around, she was the only one with me and gave me dedicated care from the second she turned up at my house for the home birth, through the blue-light ambulance ride, to delivering my daughter safely in hospital. No going to see if her shift was finishing, no flapping (even when the consultants never came when called), just very reassuring calming care. She was the only one present throughout (apart from my husband). She knew all about birth positions/moving in labour/going with the flow (at the risk of TMI, she held me in a position that makes tearing less likely, and I came out without a scratch). I still think about her now, I bought her a present and we sent her a card to thank her.

BUT: I know I was lucky to live in an area where 1 to 1 personal care from a team of community midwives is standard, where they promote home birth, where they are forward-thinking about things like moving in labour, providing gentle ongoing support during birth, where there is a midwife-led unit etc. I was horrified by all the lying down on beds in OBEM and lack of attention from midwives, many of whom only entered the room when the pain was so bad, interventions were then required (as opposed to managing it throughout).

So: I consider myself lucky, and would campaign for everyone to receive that type of care. That type of care is also cheaper, I came out of hospital two hours later and needed no after-care. Saying 'it's not a hotel' is just patronising to everyone who was on the end of shoddy, poor MW care. I was so horrified by my experiences with MW in a London hospital where the staff were just appalling that I chose to give birth out of area where best practice midwife care is standard- how many people have that choice?

I had an amazing midwife for my first baby and couldn't thank her enough. My sister was with me too (also a midwife but was taking the role of birthing partner rather than delivering the baby!) so I was a bit spoilt but I can't speak highly enough of the efforts and friendliness of all I encountered.

It contrasts horribly with the experience a friend of mine had when she gave birth to her first, it's just a shame that not everyone gets the same lovely treatment I did!

Midwives and teachers are my heroes, they cope under stupid amounts of bureacracy, crap and cant. Its just sad there are always some sharp elbowed over entitled parents who are never satisfied and whinge at the drop of a hat.

My community midwives were amazing, always had time to help.

The midwife who was with me in the second part of labour saved my life by having the guts to stand up to the doctor and call for proper help, she was truly amazing.

Many of the postnatal midwives were also kind and caring.

Yeah for good midwives

I had fantastic midwives during active labour and delivery - thank you Lyndsey and Christine at FGH, as well as to the lovely young student who held my hand whilst they stitched me up, and the obstetrician who took the time to really assess me and the situation rather than panicking and calling for EMCS.

I truly believe that they saved my DD life and let me make a swift, back-on-my-feet-in-4-hours recovery, rather than days or weeks of post Section pain whilst schlepping to SCBU.

BUT, I have to wonder how tired they were of having to be that fantastic and that skilled to correct the cock-ups caused by their team-mates in the ante-natal wards? There was a real 'talent and interest' difference between the Delivery suites and the Post-natal wards - where all were fab - and the Ante-natal wards, where they really, really weren't!

My first m/w was called Rose Nightingale and was amazing. Came on shift and really grabbed me by the scruff of the neck (so to speak) and got the baby out of me when it was all starting to go seriously tits up.

My midwife on the second birth prematurely pulled my placenta and what nots out of me and the delivery suite looked like something out of fucking CSI Miami. Stupid BITCH!!!

My third m/ws were at my homebirth and were fantastic. End on an up, say I!

My midwives were absolutely wonderful. I had a HB but had to go into hospital because DD wouldn't latch (she feeds like a trooper and I am still BFing at nearly 8 months). They came to the hospital every day and then when we were discharged visited us every few days to check. So thank you to the Whittington HB team and the Ifor Evans paediatric ward.

I had a final year student midwife - a more mature student though with a few kids of her own. She spoke plainly to me, but with warmth and humour - exactly as I wanted. She was with me for 12 hours and helped me get the job done, she said just the right things at the right time - and avoided any intervention in the end. She also melted away at the end but came back as she was leaving to coo over baby.

She was amazing, I won't forget her and I truly hope she has managed to get a job.