to feel that her kids are are a bit odd?

[yellowhandbag]

Just come back from holiday with my cousin and her 4 kids.

Kids are aged 9, 11, 13 and 15. My son is aged 13. 3 of her kids had never been on a plane before.

My idea of a holiday is to get out and about and see and do things only coming back to the apartment in the evenings to chill out and eat. I don't mind having a quiet day by the pool and a day out can consist of no more than mucking about on the beach, but her kids refused to do pretty much anything.

I honestly thought going away with other kids would mean my DS had some playmates and that cousin and I could relax secure in the knowledge that the kids were off enjoying themselves and having fun. I also thought that her kids would be really excited about going on a plane for the first time and show some sort of enthusiasm in the car and in the airport.

We went out for 2 days out of 7. One day on a coach trip (which the eldest wrote a postcard home saying it was "the most boring day of my entire life") and we also went to a water park. Kids moaned all day on coach trip and didn't try to take any positive from it at all. At the water park it was only my son and her son who went in, even though we paid for them and then they said they wanted to go in. The others sat in the cafe and moaned.

DS was frustrated at the lack of enthusiasm for anything but I couldn't get him to do anything with me because he wanted to be with the kids that I had purposely gone on holiday with to entertain each other! So DS did far less than we would have normally done on holiday.

Cousins eldest girl sat for days in the apartment room with the curtains shut and the light on reading books. (We were abroad in a warm and sunny country). I couldn't even persuade her to look round the shops.

The middle two just wanted to sit in front of a screen. They would prefer to watch childrens tv in a foreign language than come to the beach or would sit on consoles all day.

The youngest, didn't stop whingeing and it really grated on me by the end of the holiday.

So, I have learnt my lesson and won't be doing that again, but I suppose I wonder if I am a bit odd and they are the normal ones? Certainly my cousin didn't seem at all surprised at their behaviour at all.

I think that teenagers should be taught how to be pleasant in company. No, it's not acceptable to slouch around ignoring everyone.

limitedperiodonly and treats - exactly. Maybe the OP has learnt that it is far harder to keep a group of four children happy and content all at the same time then it is to keep one child happy and content.

A day long coach journey and a waterpark in the cold - not my idea of fun either.

I don't agree with the general edict about not holidaying with "Other People". We have done this on various occassions (weekends, weeks and even fortnights) and it has been very successful and added to our enjoyment of the holdiay on all but one occasion. The one not so good occasion was with brother, SIL and neice. It was the first (and probably now only) time we went away with them, but neice did not want to do anything and moaned a lot and her negativity got me down. I woudl have been happy to leave them to it and do our own thing, but my DC wanted to be with their cousin, so when she did not want to go places they did not either. Hence, we spent part of the time doing things with a moaning neice and more time just hanging out at the house we were staying in. The kids still had fun together (and it was only a long weekend), but it did feel to us to be a waste of money to go somewhere and spend a lot of time doing what we coudl have done had we gone to visit at their house or vice versa. I would not let one bad experience put me off holidaying with Other People though. I think it is just about setting expectations in advance, choosing destination carefully and not expecting to do everything together all the time.

It may well be that we holiday less with other people when the DC become teens and are interested in different things, but again i would be hopeful it could work by getting all the kids involved in deciding where to go and what they would like to do.

So in summary, i think they sound like dreadful holiday companions, but suspect expectations were not sufficiently communicated upfront. i would not holiday with them again if i were you but would not let this more generally put you off holidaying with other people, i think you just need to be clearer in expectations upfront (and holiday with people where you KNOW what kinds of things the kids enjoy by having spent time with them in the past).

Admire the stance taken by Earthymama :)

Eldest girl kept saying there was no way she was going back without a tan and her Mum was going to have to buy her fake tan at the airport if she didn't get one. She then sat in a darkened room for days!

Yep, recognise this too . At her age I'd have been horrified at the idea of exposing my pasty, skinny body on the beach and at the end of the holiday panicked that I wasn't tanned. Totally ridiculous but I have been that teenage girl.

and I wonder if it was too cold to sunbathe?

Warm enough to sunbathe. She was banned from texting due to cost but later decided she would spend her holiday pocket money on the cost of texting once she had read her books.

Lots of activities were offered. I would completely understand if one or two kids had wanted to do different things but none of them wanted to do anything. The coach trip and water park were their reluctant choices out of a list we came up with. DS was happy to go to water park too.

I even gave DS a lecture before we left to not expect to be able to do everything he wanted and to understand that we have to fit in with the others and their needs too.

We have been away with friends before and it's been absolutely fine. Sometimes we went off on our own, sometimes we didn't. Both sets of kids probably got on our nerves but we made allowances and had nice times.

i think you just have to put it down to experience - we used to go away with another family years ago as dd is an only and it was fun for all of us, same expectations of what a holiday means i suppose, big old french gite with no neighbours kind of thing, however, my very best friend, who i love dearly and has 2 dds the same age as mine would have been a bloody nightmare to holiday with - they like 'all-singing all-dancing' holidays with 'evening entertainment' uuuggghh shudder!!!!

just to add, holidaying with over sensitive moody pain in the arse teenagers is enough to send anyone over the edge! been there, done that! (been that teenager too!)

I perfected bored and sulky as a holidaying teenager. Reminds me of my DP's insisting I walk up some small mountain to see picturesque views. After much protest I stormed up there at the speed of light, passing them on the way back down so I could say 'there done it now!'.

I seem to recall I was dressed head to toe in black too

I don't see what's wrong with reading all day! It is her holiday too... and far easier to read in an air-conditioned room with the curtains drawn than outside in the glare.

If your cousin wasn't surprised, it sounds as if you had unrealistic expectations- maybe better to discuss ahead of time if you're going away with someone?

Better luck next time.

Not the top of a volcano, was it? They are always such a let down.

I was on holiday in Sicily one August. It was hotter than hell and we stayed by the pool.

A family at the hotel decided that in spite of the heat they must go and experience the culture and beauty of the island. They bribed their children with the promise of an exciting trip to Mount Etna.

After a total of five hours' travelling on a coach and train with no air conditioning they returned shattered and pissed off.

The children moaned that the volcano was boring. They'd expected to lean over the edge and see molten lava and possibly a dinosaur or two.

To be fair to those parents, Sicily is full of culture and beauty, but when it's almost 40 degrees every day it's not really worth the effort

limitedperiodonly - talking of volcanoes, if they want to see lava, they should go to Mount Pacaya in Gautemala where we got so close we cooked corn on the cob on the lava and ash rained down upon us. We only just got off the mountain before a huge explosion. Now I wouldn't call that volcano boring, but I certainly wouldn't take the kids!!

I'd pass on the tip but we didn't stay in touch belgo. They were lovely kids but two weeks of the older girl bossing her brother about with shouts of: 'Alistair, let's play Power Rangers' was enough.

I prefer to stay at sea level with a book and a gin and tonic.

The eldest sounds like how I was at that age.

I just wanted to be left alone, there was nothing more tedious than being dragged around local landmarks. I just wanted to sit and read and relax.

I ended up barricading myself in my room on one holiday as I got so tired of people trying to force me to be enthusiastic.

I was relieved when they finally gave up and gave me some big speech about how they were going to leave me all alone in the chalet to be bored and wouldn't treat me to days out. So so relieved.

Oh dear, sounds awful. I went on a holiday with my friend and our DDs, she was totally anal about her little girl looking pristine, the poor child was scared to eat an icecream. It freaked me out, she also took about 3 hours in evening getting ready (maybe i,m just a slattern). Felt like kissing tarmac when we got back home.Lesson learnt. Never.Again.

We always used to holiday with another family when we were kids and had a fabulous time, but mainly because both families had the same approach and expectations of a holiday.

I couldn't stand an inactive holiday, even as a teenager, so these kids seem odd.

that said, I think I would have found the coach trip quite dull.

I'd never go on holiday with another family. Weekends maybe, that's it. But then we do go on holiday with my parents and the in laws and some couldn't stand to do that. We do some things together and some things separately though, we aren't in each others' pockets the whole holiday.

One thing I can't stand is when you are in a big group somewhere out for the day and everyone stays together and you lose one another, then you waste time trying to find them, then everyone gets cross as it wasn't clear when you were supposed to meet and at what time, there is always someone faffing about and you have to wait for them so you miss out on doing stuff...much better to separate into smaller groups, do your own thing and meet up at certain times.

Oh this is so close to my heart....

OP... Did you agree the activities with your cousin before you went? Did you talk through your expectations of the holiday? I could be wrong but it sounds as if you did all the organising... was that intentional? Did you check with your cousin whether her kids would want to do those things?

There's nothing worse than somebody with expectations imposing them on other people that they're in company with. I don't like the term 'odd' just because they weren't like you and your children.

There are sun worshippers, explorers, shoppers, goodness knows what else... everybody on holiday should be able to do what they want to do. I think perhaps you might have been disappointed because you expected to be able to relax with your cousin whilst the chilren played.... I don't know why you would think that would work unless you knew the other children very well.

I remember a holiday with my mum, she didn't want to go on her own and coerced me. I shudder to think of it. She micromanaged everything and was in a foul mood at the slightest deviation or disinterest in her 'arrangements'. I think I was 37 at the time and I could have cried at the loss of my hard-won holiday time. :(

Never again... I expect your cousin is saying the same and I hope you've learned too... don't go on holiday with other people.

Oh dear I'm going away next week with friend, and our DC's.

Caravan for 5 days.

We however have done 3 days camping in 1 tent together 2 years ago.

Her DC's are more 'vocal' than DS over things but I just concentrate on DS.

However our DC's are all great friends, love each like brothers and sisters, and we have discussed things before we go - such as we both agree late bedtimes, go out each day, what we are happy with and what we're not. We have compromised on some things.

YANBU op I do know many families who only do the pool/ beach thing (ex hol rep) and don't like day trips, but to sit in the room is madness imo.

We have been on holiday with another family but the understanding is that we each do what we please. As long as this is esablished at the start then there usually no problems. My only issue was when we had all decided to go shopping or whatever they would just dissapear without a word, not to be seen again until we arrrived back at the accomodation.
Would also do it round by the pool we'd all be there, they would just get up and go without a word, leaving thier stuff behind and not come back for hours. That baffled me a bit.

A quick "we're off for a walk, we'll see you back here later" would have done.

My idea of a holiday is doing nothing, i prefer to sit by the pool all day reading, and go out in the evenings to do shopping/walking etc, when it's cooled down. i hate traipsing around in the heat, if i dont have to. If it's worthwhile then i'll go.
DH on the other hand cant sit still and has to be off doing stuff ie quad biking, water park, trips up mountains, etc. So he takes the kids i get peace and quiet!!

but then if kids want time at the pool they stay with me and DH will go for a game of golf or something so works quite well.

Everyone likes different holidays, so yabu to expect her Dc's to do stuff if they don't want to.

But yanbu to have wanted a good holiday only to find it wasn't how you thought it would be.

Next time take one of Dc's friends and he will be sure to have a great time.

Maybe they are doing lots sports, study, activities etc here so they wanted to chill out for a week?

Staying all day indoors sounds a bit too much but 'lets explore' types are tiring tbh .

Also, why do you think they should find the culture, food and foreign language too fascinating? They probably have several school friends who are not British and they are used to it. Unless you went to a very exotic place....

When I was 17 on my last ever family holiday I totally refused to get out of the car to look round a bird sanctuary, I sat in the car reading (philosophy) instead. Normally I was an active enthusiastic type of teen, but family holidays can get a bit stifling as you grow up.

And children do have a way of making you look a fool. If you have normally active sporty kids and you say that, it's just standard for them to then spend the next week refusing to budge out of doors. Or if you tell someone how nicely they play together, you can bet that you'll then turn a corner to see dd1 mashing her boot into dd2's nose. etc. They keep changing and they don't always fit our expectations, I find, as they grow, I have to remember they aren't the same as last year.

Everyone has a different idea of what a holiday is, mine was very diferent pre-children.

Having said that YANBU - odd! What is your friend's family like normally? They do sound over-indulged.