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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel that her kids are are a bit odd?

75 replies

yellowhandbag · 27/07/2011 08:25

Just come back from holiday with my cousin and her 4 kids.

Kids are aged 9, 11, 13 and 15. My son is aged 13. 3 of her kids had never been on a plane before.

My idea of a holiday is to get out and about and see and do things only coming back to the apartment in the evenings to chill out and eat. I don't mind having a quiet day by the pool and a day out can consist of no more than mucking about on the beach, but her kids refused to do pretty much anything.

I honestly thought going away with other kids would mean my DS had some playmates and that cousin and I could relax secure in the knowledge that the kids were off enjoying themselves and having fun. I also thought that her kids would be really excited about going on a plane for the first time and show some sort of enthusiasm in the car and in the airport.

We went out for 2 days out of 7. One day on a coach trip (which the eldest wrote a postcard home saying it was "the most boring day of my entire life") and we also went to a water park. Kids moaned all day on coach trip and didn't try to take any positive from it at all. At the water park it was only my son and her son who went in, even though we paid for them and then they said they wanted to go in. The others sat in the cafe and moaned.

DS was frustrated at the lack of enthusiasm for anything but I couldn't get him to do anything with me because he wanted to be with the kids that I had purposely gone on holiday with to entertain each other! So DS did far less than we would have normally done on holiday.

Cousins eldest girl sat for days in the apartment room with the curtains shut and the light on reading books. (We were abroad in a warm and sunny country). I couldn't even persuade her to look round the shops.

The middle two just wanted to sit in front of a screen. They would prefer to watch childrens tv in a foreign language than come to the beach or would sit on consoles all day.

The youngest, didn't stop whingeing and it really grated on me by the end of the holiday.

So, I have learnt my lesson and won't be doing that again, but I suppose I wonder if I am a bit odd and they are the normal ones? Certainly my cousin didn't seem at all surprised at their behaviour at all.

OP posts:

emsies · 27/07/2011 10:09

We're going on holiday in a few weeks to a cottage in france with a good friend and her son (14) - our daughter is 2. I really hope we stay friends after reading all this!!

pictish · 27/07/2011 10:10

That's what I wondered Joric hahahaaa!

Anyhoo Belgo - I'd bitch too if my holiday had been dampened by unimaginative, whining kids.

joric · 27/07/2011 10:12

I'd moan too Pictish !!! :)

belgo · 27/07/2011 10:12

at joric no I'm not but who knows she could be on another forum criticising the OP's idea of a holiday.

Different people want different things from a holiday, it doesn't mean we should all be snobby about someone else's holiday.

belgo · 27/07/2011 10:13

pictish which is exactly why it's not a good idea to go away with a family with four other children.

MumblingRagDoll · 27/07/2011 10:13

Well what's wrong with coming on here and having a moan? That's what it's for!

joric · 27/07/2011 10:15

belgo I understand each to their own but I'd be so disappointed-
I think OP is entitled to get it off her chest. I think that people need to make an effort and it's infuriating when people put nothing in and then complain of being bored ;)

belgo · 27/07/2011 10:16

Because it's identifiable and because the cousin could be reading this.

msbuggywinkle · 27/07/2011 10:16

We had parents who wanted to be out and doing things on holiday. So therefore me and DSis wanted to sit in our room listening to music, only coming out when it got dark. I could occasionally be persuaded out if I was going to be allowed to swim in the sea, but my Mum would rarely allow it.

A day trip on a coach in the heat is still my idea of hell.

joric · 27/07/2011 10:17

It makes everyone else feel bad and that's def. unreasonable :( !

MumblingRagDoll · 27/07/2011 10:26

Well that's her concern Belgo and if she's anything like me she will have changed a few details to mke it not recognisable.

Fennel · 27/07/2011 10:28

Actually I think that is fairly normal behaviour for many teens and preteens - the urge to watch Tv or play on games consoles, preferably in a darkened room, and an aversion to coach trips and wholesome family excursions.

We go on holiday with other families a lot and we just make sure that we set out quite clearly what we hope to do and they let us know what they want to do and we muddle along trying to suit everyone, but not always doing everything together. My dc are preteens and generally happy to do wholesome family fun stuff but in their hearts I suspect they'd always prefer to be in a darkened room full of technology.

belgo · 27/07/2011 10:30

Fennel that's what I was thinking, that it's fairly normal behaviour for many teenagers, and it doesn't make them odd.

LynetteScavo · 27/07/2011 10:31

I'm not so sure it's the DC who are odd (I have met some apparently dull teenagers who eventually grew out of it), but their parent for not kicking their arses out into the sunshine.

stupefy · 27/07/2011 10:31

Coach trips are completely hideous tbf..

LynetteScavo · 27/07/2011 10:33

I need to know where the coach trip was to.

Not the top of a volcano, was it? They are always such a let down.

joric · 27/07/2011 10:39

Lynette- exactly... Many teens do like to mope about and be rude but allowing them to be like this isn't good... !

Original poster

yellowhandbag · 27/07/2011 11:00

The coach trip was all around the island. Involved lots of stops to beaches, towns, castles etc. I am not claiming it was the most exciting thing ever but these kids would literally stand at the bus stop waiting for the bus rather than go and explore. lol

My own DS can moan and be lethargic with the best of them and he too loves sitting in front of a screen but once he's out and about, he makes the best of it and enjoys it. He also realises he is on holiday and wants to try new things, new cultures, new foods, try and speak language etc.

The weather was a bit on the cool side and this was the complaint about the water park - it wasn't warm enough.

The beach had water sports to try etc.

Eldest girl kept saying there was no way she was going back without a tan and her Mum was going to have to buy her fake tan at the airport if she didn't get one. She then sat in a darkened room for days!

Cousin says she and kids had a great time, but I'm not convinced. But then again, I'm not sure what would have meant they had a great time - they certainly didn't seem happy going out or staying in.

What is pretty funny is that Cousins family have put on facebook that these kids are sporty and energetic and always out being adventurous. Maybe they were different children to the ones I went away with! lol

OP posts:

Earthymama · 27/07/2011 11:01

So if teenagers like to do nothing you don't challenge them?
Of course, it's well worth spending all that money to just sit around and moan.
I am a grandmother and i would not have put up with this from my children and would be furious if my grandchildren thought this was acceptable.

My daughter slouched behind me on visits to museums or walks in the woods with the look of boredom she perfected as a teen, while my son would rush round and say, seen it all after 5 minutes. I ignored this and expected them to be there.

Now DD says she does exactly the same with her children, and hears herself describing the habits of birds and insects exactly as I did!

I think we do young people and children a disservice if we allow them to disengage from everything and to live vicariously through a screen.

with regard to OP's experience it's probably wise to spend a weekend together with the other family in UK before going abroad.

pictish · 27/07/2011 11:02

I do agree about coach trips it must be said.
Hire mopeds...much more fun.

HPonEverything · 27/07/2011 11:03

When I was a kid my brother used to spend every holiday sat in the room with the curtains drawn reading a Stephen King book. He hated people and never made friends on holiday, hated being outside and getting sunburnt. My parents thought him odd but let him get on with it, it was his holiday too after all and there's no point reluctantly dragging him to something.

Now I'm older I have to say that being in a hot country and spending my time sat on a coach and being herded to some overpriced attraction that is inevitably a let-down, is my idea of hell too so I can't really blame the eldest for the postcard.

Kids have pretty full lives these days with school, homework and all the clubs. They probably just wanted a week of chilling out and doing what they liked. It's a shame it spoiled the holiday for you and DS (the whinging would drive me insane, so tbh I'd have been happy they stayed in the room playing DS) but it's a lesson learned.

I think before you go on holiday with anyone you need to agree upfront how it will work and what people's ideas of a good holiday are. Going away with others has NEVER worked for me and DH, except when it's my parents who have similar views to me (i.e. feel free to do your own thing, we'll all meet up and get wrecked together in the evening)

NotQuiteCockney · 27/07/2011 11:06

My two often spend most of their holidays on the holiday site. Ok, they're in the pool, or playing badminton or whatever, but they generally don't want to go to the sea, or off site to a restaurant or whatever. They want to stay in. Yes, it's fecking annoying, but they do enjoy the pool.

blewit · 27/07/2011 11:12

We go on holiday every year with another family but only because we have similar expectations. It works well for us in that those that want to sit around can do, and those that want to go out can too. Take turns minding the dcs, each couple can go out for dinner without dc one night or so. DHs can have an hour or two in the pub together as can dws. But I certainly wouldn't go with any of my family or any other friends I can think of. Tend to treat it like a week long party - we do our own things in the day if we want to, then meet up for a dinner and a bottle of wine in the evening.

Occasionally I do have to bite my tongue, as I'm sure our friends do but it usually works for us. Our dcs are much younger though.

Treats · 27/07/2011 11:18

I think going on holiday with one child is a totally different ball game from taking a tribe though. I've just come back from a (very enjoyable) holiday with old friends - we have one DD and they have two. Even with only one extra child, they had to spend considerably more time than we did supervising mealtimes, time around the pool etc. I was able to slope off to the sunlounger while DD was practising her swimming with DH, but if our friends' older DD was swimming with her dad, their mum was looking after the baby. So the things they wanted to do together were quite different - and more limited - than the things we wanted to do.

I think if you've got one child, it's much easier (and cheaper) to plan activities that they'll enjoy, but with four children, of a range of ages and genders, it's going to be almost impossible. Much better for everyone to chill out and do their own thing - however much that thing might seem odd to someone else.

limitedperiodonly · 27/07/2011 11:18

I'd have wanted to lurk indoors reading and watching telly at their age.

Instead my mother used to drag us round on coach trips despite my dreadful travel sickness. I have puked at some of Europe's premier beauty spots.

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