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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disabililty Living Allowance

162 replies

yesreally · 26/07/2011 13:25

Have namechanged for this.

A friends daughter (aged 8) has been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Obviously they have had to make some changes in their lifestyle, but she is still going to school, after school activities, sleepovers etc.
The child is to receive £200 a month in DLA.
I'm shocked. Not at them for claiming it, as they were advised to by the diabetes nurse, but by the system.
There are cancer patients who cannot get the drugs they need to stay alive due to funding issues.
Am I alone in thinking this is strange?

OP posts:
alowVera · 26/07/2011 18:29

It took us 2 weeks to fill out said DLA form, really makes you realise exactly how much extra you do for DC that you would not have to do if they didn't have the disability/illness. The constant to-ing and fro-ing from hospital/specialist appointments, the extra things that you do for your DC, that you do automatically, but wouldn't have to do if DC was "normal".
Whilst I would never swap my DC, some days I wish DC was "normal", but then DC would not be the loveable child they are. DCs DLA is there to help DC, and to make life for them that little bit easier, to pay for the extra things that they need, I look at friends and their children in amazement, because it's easy to forget how much extra care DC actually needs. It is constantly tiring, mentally and physically, and it doesn't stop, and it doesn't go away.

Maybe you don't know your friends as well as you thought you did. They would not have been forced to sign the forms, they would have had to sit down and write them, and put thought into writing them, and gather evidence to put into them.

ihavenewsockson · 26/07/2011 18:32

You're right, 2 shoes. it is. My son's life will never be 'normal' though, but he would be far worse if we didn't have the DLA as there is no way I could afford all gluten-free products for him and therapies that he enjoys in a safe environment.

These threads get me so mad. How nice it must be to have such a lovely life that the thing that bugs you the most is your friend's daughter with a terminal illness gets £50 a week.
But the disabled and vulnerable are an easy target. Easier to pick on than fraudulent MPs or overpaid borderline-rapist footballers. Angry Angry

maryellenwalton · 26/07/2011 18:37

YABVVU

This gets me so angry. Why in god's name would you ever be jealous of a 'perk' received by someone who has had the terrible misfortune to have a child with a disability or serious illness? Why would you just not thank your fucking lucky stars and begrudge them nothing that could help in any way?

A pretty disturbed mindset imo.

And why the fuck should DLA be means tested? Why should society not bear some of the costs of disability...something that strikes families at random, and changes their lives in such a seismic way. How could you possibly argue that a family who happens to be well-off should suck up all the extra costs from their own income? I repeat, why would you not want society to recognise their increased hardship in some way. A measly £200 a month too!

Go and find some other target for your bitterness. Of course you're fucking judging, and in the most dishonest way. Shame on you

AuntiePickleBottom · 26/07/2011 18:47

My son is under a consultant, he may have Austim

It cost me alot to get him to a hospital appoinment as normally I have to take unpaid leave, he does go to main stream school, however he has alot of 1-1 and he need to be kept on focus at all times. He has only just started sleeping throughout the night however I have an alarm on the safety gate just incase he goes down stairs ( he will play with scissors, knifes ect)

Until they diagnose this I can not claim DLA.

The money would be handy as then I start replacing things he brakes

Megatron · 26/07/2011 18:48

Yesreally I got to the post with the 'the nurse practically badgered to sign the forms' - what a load of shite! The forms are hideous the they would have to complete them themselves not just jot their name on a form.

You have NO idea what you are talking about. If my boss wasn't so famtastic and understanding then I wouldn't be able to work at all as I have to be on call for my 5 year old DD 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It's a real gas let me tell you, thank god she gets that DLA to make life so much lovelier Angry. I'll just toddle off and give my DD her 5th injection of the day and settle down for a night of stress as usual. What about you?

Megatron · 26/07/2011 18:50

And why have you name changed? Why don't you have the balls to post under your usual name, is it because you know you are being a twat?

alowVera · 26/07/2011 19:01

megatron

Jux · 26/07/2011 19:09

Good posts megatron.

The OP is clearly a coward as well as ignorant and thoughtless. Her poor friends Sad, they have no idea.

ihavenewsockson · 26/07/2011 19:19

AutiePickleBottom you don't need to have an official diagnosis to claim, fill in the forms anyway and send in more info when you get it. They may say no but it's worth a shot. Smile

ihavenewsockson · 26/07/2011 19:20

all hail megatron!

DH is a transformers geek

utah · 26/07/2011 19:21

Your friend as either lied to get DLA or she does not want to justify to you the needs her daughter has. If there is no impact then there is no award.

scottishmummy · 26/07/2011 19:33

they would have been assessed and submitted supporting medical evidence
so its none of our business

Original poster
yesreally · 26/07/2011 19:49

Ok.

I've read everything, and I feel suitably ashamed of myself.

I think as my friends seem to be coping extremely well, and it hasn't impacted on their life, I have underestimated the long term effects.

She did tell me the nurse kept hassling them to sign the forms, but maybe they were in denial.

Sorry for any offence caused.

OP posts:
AnansiGirl · 26/07/2011 19:52

I'm glad you've reconsidered.
If you really are a friend, you will learn more about the impact of diabetes on their lives as the years go by.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/07/2011 19:53

Good for you for coming back and apoligising.

You do see what a sensitive and difficult subject this is dont you?

InfestationofLannisters · 26/07/2011 20:06

It's always important to have these discussions. Not just for the participants but for people reading as well.

At least you don't have to namechange OP as I have done many times after ill-advised posts Grin

voddiekeepsmesane · 26/07/2011 20:09

I ahve said this before on here. We would gladly give back any DLA, Blue badge, carers allowance if DP could have his sight back so that he could see his sons grow up, watch sports days or school plays, watch me grow old with him, see the blue sky on a beautiful summers evening etc etc etc. Do you really think people want to be disabled and claiming????

Megatron · 26/07/2011 20:17

FAir play for coming back and apologising.. your friends may well be in denial and if it hasn't impacted on their life yet then believe me it will. Then it will hit them like a ton of bricks and they will never have a decent nights sleep again. Then you can really be a good friend and give them all the support they will need.

mum0ftw0 · 26/07/2011 20:34

AntiePickleBottom

You CAN get DLA without a diagnosis.

My son is going to special needs school soon, having play therapy, speech therapy, has an educational psychologist, consultant, senco, etc.
No diagnosis.
Just probable Autism.

It's decided on their extra care needs, not diagnosis.

Go to the goverment website and get them to send out the forms NOW, then you have 3 months to fill them out, and it'll be backdated to the time when you first contacted them.

gasman · 26/07/2011 20:37

My Mother gets higher rate DLA both mobility and care. She only applied because of family bullying ++. Apparently 'people like us' ie middle class professionals don't claim it (bollocks they don't but that was her perception).

She has been ill for virtually the whole of my 24 yo sister's life. I remember her being a 'normal' Mummy but then I'm 8 years older.

She always did her best but my childhood and adult life remains irrevocably altered by her illness. We only had very limited holidays, especially abroad as travel insurance was a huge problem. Now they can't go anywhere as she needs so much specialised kit just to get to the loo safely.

I did the family grocery shopping for years to help out, returning home most weeks when at University to do so. When I lived at home I took my sister to so many after school activities that people thought I was her(very young) mother. My sister has never been clothes shopping with my Mother. My Mother will never see either of her daughters buying her wedding dress. She didn't get to my most recent graduation as it was in London and travelling is so difficult. She will never babysit any of her grandchildren and her care needs are such that my Father (who is fit and well) won't have time either.

Financially it has had a huge impact - they need a bigger car to accommodate Mum's wheelchair, they can't use their OAP bus passes as she can't use any form of public transport safely, the house needs to be really hot to keep her comfortable, they need a stair lift (or a downstairs extension neither of which will be cheap. My Father retired early to look after her so missed out on the consolidation period post mortgage lots of people have prior to retiral to reinforce their savings.

Do I grudge my Mother her DLA money. Not one bloody bit. I like my mobility, life and independence and they are quite frankly priceless.

Quite frankly until you have walked the walk you can't talk the talk.

mum0ftw0 · 26/07/2011 20:37

same here voddiekeepsmesane.
I'd easily give back 50 quid a week just to be able to have a conversation with my child and be able to get on the bus andhave a nice day out with no worries in the world :) That's just a dream though.
He's 4 and a half and has no idea how old he is.

Sidge · 26/07/2011 20:42

PMSL at the idea of a nurse filling in the forms for them and handing them over to be signed.

That would be the ?48 page booklet that asks you to set out, minute by minute, day by day, exactly why your child needs more care than a child the same age without any illness or disability. Yeah cos a nurse is really going know that.

And all the nurses I know hardly have time to fill in their own paperwork, let alone a complete DLA application for a patient.

Oh and as for the means testing - if the DLA award is for the child then they won't have any income will they?

Summatontoast · 26/07/2011 21:14

yesreally I was just about to post a reply to your ignorant, cowardly OP and you saved the day with your apology. NOTHING gets me angrier than someone with no bloody experience of living with the disabilty/long term condition, passing judgement on it. She is still going to school/sleepovers/after school activities? Yes, with a shed load of organising everyday & emergency medical kit, careplans, carb counting, not to mention worry, on the parents part before hand I expect.

pestroid · 26/07/2011 21:29

Very Unreasonable - 38 pages of hell. I would rather eat my eyeballs than have to refill out the form I filled out three weeks ago and which has been lost in the post even tho I had payed for recorded delivery. Thank god I photocopied it.

2shoes · 26/07/2011 21:30

op glad you have seen the light.