DH shat in the bed last night - I feel bad about how I reacted but surely IANBU to expect him to clean it up?

[PuttingMyFootInIt]

I was up late last night, insomnia. Around 2am I was heading to the bathroom and bumped into DH who was more than half asleep and going to the loo at speed. He mumbled something at me and went into the loo. He'd said during the day he had an upset stomach (which means diarrhea).

He came in to the kitchen afterwards and said he was crapping liquid and felt bad. There was a smell - I asked if he'd cleaned himself up properly and he got quite shirty with me. I got him some immodium and he sat with me for a bit in the living room. I gently suggested a shower might help him feel better so I guess I wasn't convinced he'd cleaned himself up properly (was vvv tired).

Was sleepy finally so went to bed with a book, DH still sitting in living room watching TV. Was about half two. I got into bed and put my foot into something wet. Pulled back the duvet and there was a huge wet patch - shit, basically. Yelled for DH to come NOW and he just fucking stood there like a moron - I was stripping the bed but it had already soaked through the mattress protector so there was a big stain on the mattress (shit!), and it was on the duvet too which doesn't fit in the washing machine.

I told DH to clean the mattress while I got the shitty bedclothes into the washing machine and checked the other bedding etc. And washed my FOOT. Went back into the bedroom to see how he was getting on and he was dabbing at it with fucking baby wipes!

Had to pretty much drag him to the kitchen, hot water, soap, scrubber etc. I was absolutely furious - not because of the shit but because he was so fucking truculent about it. He wanted to turn the mattress over but I said it had to dry out properly. Got him to have a long shower and did some extra mattress-cleaning myself. We don't have a spare bed so slept with the DCs.

Got up this morning and DH was wrapped up in the (slightly shitty), duvet, no cover, on the mattress. Which smells - there's no stain to see but it does smell a bit so I think it soaked into the innner bit if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I felt bad for him, it must've been horrible and embarrassing, so I was gentle and solicitous this morning. He's gone now and I am torn between feeling bad for him but also being really cross - babywipes ffs! We have three DCs, we've had to deal with crap before (though not in bed, but they've had accidents in our bed before hence the mattress protector and DS1 was sick in it once), it's not like he doesn't know best practice with bodily fluids.

What do you think?

It is completely sexist to say things like, some men really are so stupid and no woman would do this.

Y'all have got plenty of time left in your lives to shit the bed in.

I'd give him hell later. His attitude was contemptuous. Fact is, unless he was delirious, he should have made an effort to clean up - and bloody well apologise .... yes, embarrassing, but to just ignore what had happened is revolting .... almost as if he expected his wife to clear up, as if it was "her" job or something. And all this is made so much worse by the fact he bought it upon himself .... so however "shit" he felt (pardon the pun) he should have immediately started clearing up and have been very contrite.

Ah, I get his logic now.

He is angry because you found the poo.

You should have stayed downstairs with him and also pretended it didn't exist. This would also have given the poo-cleaning fairies time to do their job.

But because you dared to go upstairs you made the poo un-invisible again. And when you stepped in the poo, you scared the poo-cleaning fairies away.

Simple, innit

sorry but yous with your handbags up crying "sexist" really do make me laugh!
You may know some exceptional men, as I have known some.
But ime this is fairly consistent behaviour from a certain kind of bloke.

I bet few of you could think of many women who would be this pathetic!
Of course if someone is direly ill than the can poo the whole house with impunity imo.

BUT NOT WHEN THEY'R WELL ENOUGH TO GO WATCH THE TELLY. he's a bloke, nuff said. deal with it. you know I'm right.

(feet up waiting for the handbagging from a bunch of women who are clearly know some exCEPtional men)

God that is vile. If he could o downstairs he could clean up after himself. Id be fucking livid.

Michelle .... what the critical posts are saying is that most women would never expect someone else to clear up after them like this unless they were really and truly incapable of doing so. And if this had happened to me, and if I was literally incapable of moving/standing up or whatever and my DP had had to help me, I would be exceedingly grateful and thank him profusely because that's what decent people do .... and if, for some reason, I was incapable of speech last night, I would have expressed my apologies (even if I couldn't help it, it's still basic manners to say sorry) and my thanks this morning, seeing as I was now well enough to go to work.

No-one has said that all men are stupid but it's a sad fact of life that some men do duck out of basic courtesy and responsibilities at the first sign of being unwell, and that some of them have a very contemptuous attitude when it comes to the mess and unpleasantness they leave behind for others to clean up ( .... peeing all over the loo seat/floor for example).

my dh gets angry with ME when HE knocks coffee over on the rug.
Go Figure!

Mrszimmerman your first post made me roar!

I hope he has had investigations if this is what some food does to him as it is not normal and he shouldnt have to put up with it.

i knew my dh was a keeper in our early days when I got a horrid horrid bug and he cleaned up after me without saying a word

at sharted! I have a new favourite word

How did it get through the mattress protector? I thought the whole point of them was that they're waterproof?

If this lady says her husband created an unnecessary midnight poo-gate and then delegated all clean up duties to her when really he could've got scrubbing then fair enough. We don't know her husband.

But don't make out like my husband and son have some in built flaw that means they would do the same simply by virtue of not having a vagina.

Man bashing is my pet peeve. We are equal to not better than.

oh I assumed he had some serious gastro bug and was really unwell hence my previous post about 'poor man, shouty wife'.

Now the OP has given more details about it being self-inflicted and him obviously not being incapacitated then yes, I would be pretty angry.

I'm still struggling with the fact they're now married and he shat himself on the night bus in the very early days of dating..........fooking hilarious he must have had some amazing qualities to make you go back there
Take a dump in his shoe and watch his face when he puts his foot in it.......and then laugh manically whilst shouting 'now you know what it feels like!!!'

YANBU - I would have rubbed his face in it!!!
Ill or not he should have cleaned it up himself, he is a grown man FFS - you aren't his mother!
I hate it when women 'baby' their men and roll their eyes and clean up after them. They are GROWN UPS, not children and should act like it.

man nappies until he promises never to eat that food again. Pile of bicarb of soda on the stain, then hoover after a couple of hours - good for odours and dampness.

I was all ready to say that you were very harsh and he might not have even known that it had happened if he was ill with a d and v bug. Then I saw the bit where you said it's a reaction he has to certain food, that he's shat himself before after eating it and he chose to eat it which caused the lake of poo. So he knew what could well happen and did it anyway. I think he's paying for a new mattress.

YANBU at all.

The most unreasonable thing is you posting it on here. Your poor partner was I'll, today he will mortified and you post it on a forum. Is there nothing that people won't post.

aww your poor DH! he must have been in some state to poo the bed

my DH vommed spectacularly all over the wall in our new house on the day we moved in together and i had to clean it up as he was pissed as a fart and covered in said vom very nearly called the whole thing off there and then!! if he had been ill and not drunk i would have been less angry i suppose...

the take the piss factor is very high so i would focus on that and tease him mercilessly

Why? She's posted anonymously. She's asking if she went OTT by being so obviously angry with him. Adults still have accidents sometimes. The difference is that adults don't pull the bedclothes over them, keep their mouths shut and go to watch tv. If he'd opened his moth at the time I'd imagine that the OP might have been annoyed but it wouldn't have ruined a pretty new mattress.

Chummybud1 did you miss the fact that it was self inflicted because he ate something that he knew could make him shat the bed.

YANBU firstly because it was self inflicted, secondly because even if it had been a bug the last I heard diarrhoea does not affect the vocal cords. He's out of order letting you go and get back in bed without warning you and he should have cleaned it up.

Get HIM to put some biological washing powder solution on mattress, then dryoff by 'walking' on some clean towels. Repeat as necessary, then dry with a hairdryer.

YANBU

I like NRG's idea actually!

Surely he must have realised what he done as whatever he was wearing to bed (assuming he wears something) would have been poo soaked! So he went to the effort of getting himself cleaned up and changed and decided to ignore the poo in the bed! Just that would have had me raging!

Leave the bastard! :P