DH shat in the bed last night - I feel bad about how I reacted but surely IANBU to expect him to clean it up?

[PuttingMyFootInIt]

I was up late last night, insomnia. Around 2am I was heading to the bathroom and bumped into DH who was more than half asleep and going to the loo at speed. He mumbled something at me and went into the loo. He'd said during the day he had an upset stomach (which means diarrhea).

He came in to the kitchen afterwards and said he was crapping liquid and felt bad. There was a smell - I asked if he'd cleaned himself up properly and he got quite shirty with me. I got him some immodium and he sat with me for a bit in the living room. I gently suggested a shower might help him feel better so I guess I wasn't convinced he'd cleaned himself up properly (was vvv tired).

Was sleepy finally so went to bed with a book, DH still sitting in living room watching TV. Was about half two. I got into bed and put my foot into something wet. Pulled back the duvet and there was a huge wet patch - shit, basically. Yelled for DH to come NOW and he just fucking stood there like a moron - I was stripping the bed but it had already soaked through the mattress protector so there was a big stain on the mattress (shit!), and it was on the duvet too which doesn't fit in the washing machine.

I told DH to clean the mattress while I got the shitty bedclothes into the washing machine and checked the other bedding etc. And washed my FOOT. Went back into the bedroom to see how he was getting on and he was dabbing at it with fucking baby wipes!

Had to pretty much drag him to the kitchen, hot water, soap, scrubber etc. I was absolutely furious - not because of the shit but because he was so fucking truculent about it. He wanted to turn the mattress over but I said it had to dry out properly. Got him to have a long shower and did some extra mattress-cleaning myself. We don't have a spare bed so slept with the DCs.

Got up this morning and DH was wrapped up in the (slightly shitty), duvet, no cover, on the mattress. Which smells - there's no stain to see but it does smell a bit so I think it soaked into the innner bit if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I felt bad for him, it must've been horrible and embarrassing, so I was gentle and solicitous this morning. He's gone now and I am torn between feeling bad for him but also being really cross - babywipes ffs! We have three DCs, we've had to deal with crap before (though not in bed, but they've had accidents in our bed before hence the mattress protector and DS1 was sick in it once), it's not like he doesn't know best practice with bodily fluids.

What do you think?

He was well enough to sit and watch telly after crapping the bed and has gone to work today? Sorry, then he is not that ill!! And he is well enough to at least strip the sheets off etc.

There is no way I would drop my guts in bed and then sit downstairs like...errr...Lady Muck knowing my husband was about to go and get back into the bed of poo!!

Oh FGS thingiebob, he's an adult. Old enough to decide himself if he wants to spread his bug to his colleagues.

I'd be furious and make him buy a new mattress

I honestly think it is possible to shit the bed if you are half asleep and have the serious runs and to leap out of bed to go to the loo without realising you've made a mess.

If he admits he knew, then YABU but I'm not convinced he did.

I think you overreacted a bit. He's probably feeling really ill and not thinking as clearly as he might usually.

Had a similar experience last night, except I was in DCs bedroom because DS had a nightmare and went to go back to bed and he managed to shout out a warning before I got in to bed. I did stand in some of the puke covering the bathroom the night before, which wasn't cleaned up until he woke up the next day either as I cannot touch anyone elses vomit, but my overwhelming concern (once I cleaned the foot) was for the wellbeing of my DP rather that stuff that can be replaced, it's inconvenient, but I'd rather that than humiliate my partner when they are already feeling bad.

My biggest worry was that he knew that I was totally not grossed out or disgusted that he'd had an accident because I've been there before (didn't get into the mattress, but I left proper cleaning up until I was able to stand up without more puking or shitting) and I had experienced uncontrollable diarrhoea myself, so wasn't judging him. I got him some cleaning stuff as he was in no fit state, and a glass of water, and when he rises later, I'll run him a nice hot bubble bath. I also changed the bedding. He's sick, he needs some mollycoddling. Having spent the last month ill myself and being cared for by him at my worst, perhaps this is more forefront in my mind, that the last thing you need when you're so ill you are losing control of bodily fuctions is your partner not being sympathetic to your needs.

He has gone to work! It was something he ate not a bug, he gets the shits when he eats certain food though never before has he shat the bed!

YANBU. If he's well enough o go to work, he was certainly well enough to clean up his own shit.

Am I the only one howling with laughter whilst reading this thread??!!
I'm sorry, I'm being insensitive, but your explanation is bringing all sorts of images in my head
This happened to me, a few years ago, with my ex. Only problem was he shat the bed 3 times in one night (gross). Admittedly he was really unwell with diarrhoea but by the 3rd time I was so pissed off at having to get him up, and I was running out of sheets, that I made him sit on the sofa with a number of towels wrapped around him nappy style. Telling his friends gave me great pleasure and he endured the nickname dribbly arse for quite some time afterwards. He deserved it, he was a total knob

NRGless, comes a point where you have to spend the night in the bath innit, if you are quite literally a geezer of shite a fountain of poo a storm of the brown stuff, sit in the bath til it's over and go to bed on some towels.

three times is too much to clean up an adult unless they're properly infirm.

During the early days of our courtship (and, relating this, I'm amazed there were later ones!), he shat himself on the night bus home! He generally avoids this food and to be fair the reaction is inconsistent but part of the reason I was so furious was because it was self inflicted and he always whinges about feeling crap (ho ho), but still eats it occasionally.

And come ON, in the fucking bed! On my foot! If he'd been ill I like to think id've been lovely and sympathetic but am not sure tbh

yeah, i'm not sure i would have continued with a relationship after shitting himself on the night bus.

but anyway, you've made you bed...lie in it!

Oh what an infant he is. How can you poo yourself and not realise? If you have an upset stomach it's extremely painful, everyone knows that. How can he go to sleep with it like that? Lazy devil, pooing the bed.... and letting you get into it.

... and cleaning up with a babywipe, really, idiot!!!

I don't feel a bit sorry for him.

Oh, all sympathy is out the window if he's eaten something that he knows give him the shits. (what is it, btw?)

If he was ill it would have been different, but this is self-inflicted and deserves little/no sympathy.

Oh dear. Some of you are quite terribly sexist.

Women shit and sleep in beds too you know.

I'm sure none of us can claim to have diligently scrubbed up every last pile of matter we've ever ejected in some horrific state.

My husband has bleached my red wine puke out of the floorboards at 3am and I love him dearly for it.

Sympathy would definitely dwindle if it had been self inflicted. When he first puked I have to admit feeling a little twinge of annoyance as he had been out for a drink and I assumed it was the result of too much alcohol.

Then I started puking too.

I've sharted before, last gastro bug I had, definitely not just a man thing.

Can't say what the food is because I know some RL people read MN and it'll be very very obvious it's DH.

I can't believe it might be new mattress time - this one is nearly new and was my birthday present. I am back to being furious now.

If he'd been REMOTELY apologetic (I put my foot! In his shit! In bed!), I'd be a lot finer with it but he was so grumpy and sulky about it - okay yes, embarrassing, but it was like he was cross with me for drawing attention to the fact there was shit in the bed. And on my foot.

I'm not a bodily fluid saint by any stretch of the imagination but I'd never expect someone else to clean it up if I was capable.

That is disgusting. The only thing that would excuse him being like that would be if he had a temperature and was out if it. It may be he did; if so, with luck he will come home (stunned if he's gone to work!) and feel apologetic.

Let him get over it, when he says he is well he should be apologizing.

All this crap (excuse me) on the thread about 'poor man, with a shouty wife' - ffs, he left liquid shit in their bed and didn't clear it up, if she's not allowed to be shouty about that when is she? I'd have to be really fluey and spaced-out before I'd do that - it is not normal if you're just a bit ill.

I have never shat the bed actually. And it's not sexist to think an able-bodied person should have reacted with horror and taken over the lion's share of the cleaning up if they were remotely capable, not just stood by, gawping as someone else did it.

back to shoulder shaking laughter
However disgusting this is, you guys put it into beautifully hilarious words!!!

I bet, right now, you've never found him more attractive eh? :o

Can I just say thank you to everyone for their crap stories .

I am sat at work on the day where I find out if I have a job or not in a re-org and this thread has cheered me up no end. I am crying with laughter.

No help or stories to add thank god just wanted to say thanks!

YANBU, I had an ex who vommed all over my bedroom once, was too drunk to remember who I was etc. I was furious and shouty, you don't need that when you get home in the early hours. If I had put my foot in shit I would have hit the roof and probably made him sleep in the garden unless he was very ill.

I would be annoyed too as the incident was avoidable as was the loss of a good matress and most of all, he didnt bloody well tell you and sat there watching tv.

Take the matress money out of his pocket money

I'm sorry I'm sat here laughing! Some men are just so terribly bloody stupid aren't they! I would make him pay for a thoroughly expensive pedicure to put your trotters right again after their shitty ordeal. And I would tell OH that if he eats that food again then he's to sleep in the garden

YANBU. He's not a baby, he should have dealt with the mess! I can't believe some of the posts poor babying him. Adults (young, healthy ones) don't leave their bodily fluids for other adults to clean up. Disgusting. I'm sure he ignored it thining you'll do it. As someone upthread said, no woman is going to do such a thing because eventually it's herself who'll come back and deal with the mess and smell.

Throw the mattress.